Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

Your ex is struggling but if you take her in you will be enabling her which will probably make it unlikely she will sort herself out. The situation will be confusing and upsetting for any children you have and will likely result in huge stress for you.

Does she not have family or friends? Surely the council can help if someone is in immediate danger of sleeping on the streets? Can you help her apply for employment in the short term so she can support herself? Also, what has got her into this situation? Can you explain without outing her? Are there drugs or alcohol involved?

You should tread carefully here. Be compassionate without getting taken advantage of. Sometimes helping people does mean letting them experience the consequences of their own actions, although this is heavily dependent on context.

She has not declined it yet,

They offered, she then asked me

She said she would not feel safe, I did agree

But I told her I would get back to her if she could stay at mine for a bit

I have been thinking about it overnight

I love that you've given "examples" of days of the week 😄

The fact that she has only you left to ask shows she has alienated everyone else.

Her choice to do this.

You have made the right decision to say no.

Thinking about my exh and his health problems (bowel and prostate cancer) I thought maybe but as soon as I saw that your exh was nasty and it would be long term it would be a massive no.

(My exh wasn't nasty at any stages our relationship or divorce but he was a piss taker and a cock lodger).

If I were living on my own, I would take my ex-wife in if she had nowhere else to go, as I don't have any animosity towards her. I've married again, so I suppose that would be rather awkward, but I would try to provide help in other ways in getting her back on her feet.

In your situation I wouldn't do anything for her.

You have made the right decision OP. She would drag your children backwards to where they were before. She won't do housework or get a job. She will never leave. And then you will be the bad guy for turfing her out.

Keep her out of your house

Yep I would for the kids sake but that’s not to say I think it’s a good idea or would judge anyone else for not doing so
you Know what right for you and what you could tolerate

My children's behaviour have improved massively since she left, a few school reports have commented that they can't believe the difference they have seen

@Donotpanicoknowpanic aside from everything else... this is the biggest reason to say No!

No.

Agree with this. Put the well being of your children first. Don’t do it. She’ll never leave and will be a disruptive and nasty influence

Has she got a job? Can you help in terms of assisting with a deposit for a rented accommodation somewhere? It does sound as though having her around won’t help your children but I understand you want her to be safe.

Agree, for your children’s sake, it should be no. If things turned nasty at home for you or for them then wouldn’t be able to ask her to leave without causing more trauma to them. And this time you’d be the bad guy for making her go. You wouldn’t be their safe person anymore - they might feel if they acted badly then they would be asked to leave too.

Don’t put them or yourself in that position.

No

This again!

Do what is in the best interests of your children always. Do not destroy the home that you have built for them. You can facilitate a relationship with their mother without inviting her in. Don’t destroy their safe place.

What???? He may behave decently as long as he’s allowed to live off you and treat you as his servant????

What a prince.

Of course you should jump at this chance to relive all the misery of your marriage, OP, and remind your children that women exist to serve men.

Grrrrr

You don’t want her in an HMO but you don’t really want her at yours. I would tell her no. Why doesn’t she work?

You might want to read the thread again. OP is a man and his ex-wife is the waste of space

It's a she. OP is a man.

What???? He She may behave decently as long as he’s she's allowed to live off you and treat you as his her servant????

What a prince princess.

Of course you should jump at this chance to relive all the misery of your marriage, OP, and remind your children that women men exist to serve men women.

Grrrrr

Fixed it for you there @LeftieRightsHoarder

She was horrible to you, your children are better without her - why even consider it?

HMOs may not be ideal but she will be rehoused eventually if she goes to one. I've known 2 people (one male, one female) stay in homeless accommodation and both survived and were rehoused eventually.

Yes, that’s my view as well. I would not want that person - either sex - in my house.

No, never.

"refuse her request" would work nicely here.

Not if he was a nasty piece of work during break up. That's on him.