Would you take your ex in, if the only other option was being homeless

[Donotpanicoknowpanic]

If you have an ex that left you but they then fell on hard times and literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car (realistically this would be reasonably long term)

Would you let them sleep at yours until they are back on their feet

(The council were contacted and no realistic opinions were provided)

The ex was really nasty during the divorce, saying lies all over social media, argued with all of your family and has also been quite nasty since the divorce

Though if nothing is expected of them (such as helping to tidy up), will be quite and enjoys spending time with the kids

Presumably his nasty bitter behaviour is some reason why he has no other friends or family to lean back on?

Big fat no

I hope he will!

1. Does she really have NO ONE else? Perhaps she has no family, but does she really have not one single friend who he knows well enough to stay with for a bit? Not a single other person in her life who cares enough to help her avoid being homeless?

1. What's the long term plan? Will she now live with you forever? What new housing options will present themselves in 1 month/6 months/2 years? If you think its hard to turn her away now, it will be even harder to actually make her leave in the future. At the moment his homelessness is "her fault" but if you take her in now and then want her to leave down the line there is a risk that her homelessness will appear to be "your fault"

1. Letting her live with you will cost you money. In raised household bills, council tax and possibly loss of benefits. And it sounds like you will also be tidying up after her.

Absolutely not!

Ha! I should have rtft. I’ve seen too many real-life examples of men sponging off their ex-wives/girlfriends till they find another unwitting woman to carry the burden.

No. I wouldn't have him stay or help him in anyway. I would tell him that this is the consequences of his actions leaving me with a 6 month old, no money or support from then to now. I hate very few people but I really hate him. Maybe if he hadn't have treated everyone (not just us) like shit all his life he might be in a better place.

I think it could be really disruptive and upsetting for your children, depending on how old they are and how much they know about their Mum’s behaviour and life choices.
It seems likely that she will want to stay long term, and that there will be friction, arguments etc. She isn’t going to suddenly be a great parent. All that won’t be good for you but especially won’t be good for the children.
It’s difficult as I can understand that you want to make sure she is ok, for your children, but her moving in seems a bad idea. Also as pps have pointed out, she would then not be able to get housed by the LA.
I would help her if I could with anything she was struggling with in order to get her housed, but not have her back in the family home. What is the problem, fundamentally? Poor mental health, drugs, a personality disorder ?

Nope. Not iin a hudred years regardless of gender.

My ex(es), absolutely because while we didn't work out, they are not nasty.
The person you describe, not a chance.

Your children’s response is the key bit of the picture here.

Any of my exes, 100% would, yes, and they'd do the same for me.

As to your specific situation though, from what you're describing, no, he doesn´t sound safe to be around. How has he fallen on such hard times, are there subtance abuse/gambling/ other addiction issues?

Do the kids know/ what do they think?

Probably not if he’d been nasty. Otherwise, sure.

Also however maybe stop passing opinion on her options. Your idea of the HMO not being safe is not appropriate. It's an HMO or her car (if that is the correct interpretation of her choices). The HMO has to be safer than her car. Stop telling her it's not suitable.

In OP's specific situation the ex is a she.

No, absolutely not. ExH has been sofa surfing for years but over my dead body will be step into this house. Not my responsibility, not my problem.

So your ex has been offered housing in a HMO. If she rejects it and moves in with you, the council’s responsibility towards her will cease. You will be stuck with her.

She takes the HMO or stays elsewhere.it isn’t a case of your house or being homeless. The council have made her an offer to house her.

No I wouldn’t, sounds like karma to me.

My exH, Hell no, let him go crawling to the woman he cheated with (and then cheated on) see if she wants him back.

I understand why you’d want to help her but inviting her to live with you again sounds like a bad idea. You can definitely offer help from a distance though and see if you can help her get back on her feet.

My personal ex? Yes in a heartbeat because he was never nasty. Not if he was nasty though.

literally the only option was to sleep at yours or they sleep in their car

If she has been issued an HMO then her options aren’t just limited to yours or sleeping in her car. They have locks on each door. If she doesn’t like the people she’s living with then it will be an incentive for her to get a job so she can pay for alternative housing.

I'm a Christian and from that POV, the right thing for me to do in this situation would be to take him in.

However I think of the years of abuse my ex put me and the DC through and I think, fuck that.

Don't do it, OP.

No - zero chance. What about his family or friends? You owe him nothing.

Ah, the OP did not mention gender so I just assumed.

Same though, how has she got herself into that situation? Usually some kind of addiction issue would be involved, right? Possibly not safe to be around/ have around the kids?

Saying this as a little girl who was around violent women with addiction issues and it wasn't safe for me. Or a pleasant memory to have as an adult.

Unless it's specific circumstances that make her safe to be around the kids, no. But the fact that as a father he has been able to get sole custody, sounds like some pretty severe circumstances involved. Kids should come first, it's their home and safe place.

No way