"Secret" I wish I didn't know

[Longnightmoon]

Well, it isn't very secret. Doing a bit of admin for a local company, entering data about annual leave, and reasons for leave etc. I have discovered that two individuals I know ( make up names James and Jemima) are currently away, having married a few days ago and are on honeymoon.

Jemima is the daughter of my oldest friend. Jemima's mum hasn't met James, doesn't know they are together and has no idea they are married. James, I know has quite severe mental health problems, related to weed and schizophrenia.

Jemima and her mum are apparently reasonably close, to all intents and purposes. Jemima still lives at home, and pays her mum rent. They often eat and socialise together. Jemima's mum just thinks she's staying with friends for a few days. She knows nothing about James, or that they have married, although it is quite well known where they work.

This isn't really a WWYD, because I know what I am going to do, which is say nothing, but it is really upsetting, to see my friend, Jemima's mum, just bumbling along with life happily as usual, and know that this bombshell is coming her way- she is going to be so shocked and upset that her daughter has done this without telling her.

AIBU to do nothing? I can't really see what I can do - people are mentioning the marriage, etc at work, it is inevitable that the news will spread

Yanbu. You cannot say anything. The information you have come across at work is confidential. I do feel sorry that you are in this position though.

So she married a guy and just went home and stayed with her mum ?

Are you close enough to speak to Jemima? Eventually her Mum will know. However Jemima might be planning on just leaving and as an adult, it's her right to do so.

I'm hoping you've changed names. How do you know so much about James's mental health and medical history?

Are you sure her mum doesn't know...? Maybe she does but is mortified and embarrassed and not mentioning it?

Are people at work discussing it because James or Jemima have mentioned it to them. Or because they have also found out via work records?

What kind of company records the reason for annual leave?

Apologies I see you changed the names.

some of them went to the wedding

How on earth did you find all this out while doing a bit of admin for a local company?

FWIW my friend's son married in secret. His mother knows but isn't "allowed" to tell anyone. She only told me because I don't know any of the family. So, mum may know.

Because she was inputting their holiday details onto the system?

In that case its surely not confidential info any more?

I think OP could get in alot of bother approaching jemima as it’s none of her business and would be incredibly unprofessional

I think describing it as a bombshell is a bit ott to be honest. So they've eloped? Some couples do that to be romantic and avoid the stress. You have no idea how Jemima's mum will respond to the news but you are projecting all your own ideas onto the situation. It really isn't anyone else's business and whilst her Mum might be pissed off at not being involved, might not approve of her choice etc, Jemima is an adult and can do as she wishes.

Yes, that's what she said, but a leave system wouldn't usually record that people were on their honeymoon.

It's not much of a secret if colleagues went to the wedding.

Well, she's going to find out pretty soon anyway, so I don't think you need worry.

If there was a wedding, with guests, isn't it more likely mum knows, but disapproves and isn't sharing the news, than that it's all been done in secret?

This, married but not living together? Do both James and Jemima work together?

@Longnightmoon you will just have to feign ignorance!!!

Your position is to forget everything you know about what James and Jemima have done including his medical and social history but be there for your friend with tea and choccy biscuits and a listening ear and closed mouth. Hard but you have to do it

I work in the public sector and there's a notes section on our annual leave system to say what it's for. It's optional though. Think it's more for if you need to take more than the usual amount of leave allowed at once so it's clear why you've taken 3 or 4 weeks together.

What rubbish ‘you can’t tell because it would be unprofessional’. It’s not confidential information if people openly know about it at work.

Agree OP that doing nothing is probably the right thing to do. Jemima will have to tell her mum at some point, so I guess see what happens when she gets back.

And if she doesn’t, well that’s another ball game. I’d probably put my ‘aunt’ hat on and have a chat with Jemima. The truth will out eventually, so obviously it’s best coming from her.

Assume Jemima is quite young? Is James not the sort - given what you’ve said - that mum would approve of? Why do you think Jemima has kept it from her?

I suspect cos James has been her dealer, but I thought that before I knew anything about them being in a relationship or anything

Not for you to disclose it. It's all going tits up soon if Jemima doesn't tell her mum. She'll find out in due course. Keep shtum.