To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

Everyone can get impatient, a bit selfish sometimes, etc but the difference is they’re not unpleasant people. Unpleasant people push wheelchair users out the way (disgraceful), put their shoes/feet on public transport seats, ride roughshod over others to get what they want, when they want it. Most people thankfully are not unpleasant (although a fair few unfortunately are). Question is do you want your dd to be an anti social, unpleasant child that grows into an adult version?

The fact that you worry about it shows typos can’t be that bad!

It’s like…those who describe themselves as ‘Bohemian’ certainly aren’t, and if you think you’re mad, the likelihood is , you’re perfectly sane.

You sound like you go through life doing exactly what you want without a single thought or consideration for anyone else. You’re likely raising your child to be the same. You sound absolutely awful. But you have some awareness of this. Are you going to do anything about it?

Its sounds as though you know what the right thing to do in society is such as stop at a pedestrian crossing, be polite in a friends home etc but you just dont have any empathy for other people's needs or feelings?
Im guessing if you witnessed a major accident you would do the right thing and call an ambulance, assist to save lives if necessary etc but you wouldn't be emotionally affected by the scenario or care regarding the outcome either way?
I dont think this makes you a bad person per say, but I do think that there maybe an explanation behind this if you wanted to explore why you lack empathy such as autism, sociopathic tendencies etc.
FYI just because someone is in a wheelchair, doesn't mean to say that their needs are .ore important than you/your childs but I think it looks pretty piss poor to race round them and beat them too it because you're physically more able. You dont have to actually care about their needs, this is just pure basic manners! Were you raised in a barn ?? 🤨🤨

I think so too.

I don’t think any of the examples are particularly extreme. Just honest!

I have to say though, I am often surprised on mumsnet when people are crying about things or overly empathising with an OP, or asking for updates because they can’t sleep etc because of a thread. That kind of extra empathy is beyond what I can understand or have ever experienced. So wonder if I’m a bit cold too.

I don’t think you’re all that bad and I definitely don’t think you’re a psychopath. I think you’re under more strain than you want to admit yourself. You’re working in a pressurised environment and you say you’ve noticed misogyny everywhere lately. Join the club - you’re not imagining it and it’s very depressing.

Along with this stressful work environment you’re raising a small child. Are you getting reasonable support from your partner?

Personally I don’t find the examples you give particularly dreadful. I couldn’t kill a spider or a snail but I will kill slugs if they are eating all my plants. I don’t feel particularly sorry if someone else’s child is whining to get my child’s toy, in fact I will feel irritated by the other child and annoyed with its mother. I’m a bit shocked by the wheelchair example though.

I reckon you are under pressure and that’s caused your reactions to other people’s problems to become blunted.

Hm, the biggy there is rushing
past a wheelchair user to access the baby change, I have a toddler and have travelled alot on trains and taken him out in the city etc so used public loos and accessible toilets alot and would always pause to let a person with a disability, particularly as visible and pronounced as the inability to walk unaided, go first. There's a heirarchy, maybe you don't feel guilt but you can still acknowledge the logic of it and maybe follow that?

Everyone is different. I have a general dislike and distrust of humanity, but I do the things you say you can't/won't.
Don't beat yourself up- I believe you are not alone.

I think you’d like to be edgy and sociopathic, but I think you’re actually just a bit bored, with some apathy, attention seeking and a bit of self obsession.

I think you are self focussed, a bit mean but tbh I don't think that you're all that dissimilar to lots of people out there. A lot of the general population seem to conduct their daily lives like arseholes who are the only ones who walk this earth.

But maybe you're not that bad as you're thinking about it...

Is it something you wish to change about yourself?

None of your examples sound that bad to me tbh!! I know loads of people irl who just don't give a fuck, and have also never considered it or worried about it.

You're not missing much either - I'm way overly empathetic, to the point I feel sorry for soft toys and odd socks who have lost their "friend". Honestly, it's exhausting and ridiculous and I'd much rather be a bit more hard nosed (obviously not to the point of deliberately causing harm to anyone).

Actually, reading your post about feeling rubbish about yourself and just trying to get through the days makes me think you are depressed as well as overworked, and I think you should speak to your GP.

I do feel compassion and I am often kind. But I also do the things I’ve listed. I’m not sure what that means, I’ve definitely become worse the older I am. It is quite obvious what it means, you are just incredibly self-absorbed and selfish. You don't need to feel anything or have empathy, to behave well and stop navel gazing.

This.

You’re unlikely to be a sociopath because you are identifying your behaviour as questionable and suggesting you are abnormal. A Sociopath wouldn’t self reflect in that manner.

To be honest OP you sound like someone who had a tough childhood and has struggled to navigate through society as a consequence. The pile-ons on this thread are mean and unhelpful, ironically some people are actually quite cruelly cutting you down for errrr questioning your own cruel behaviour.

I think you are fine.

I feel the same on all points apart from the wheelchair user.

You are definitely not vile, psychopath or sociopath or whatever people call you here.

Tou are just an average human, trust me.

I mean. I’m a wheelchair user and I will also actively pass other slower wheelchair users to use the bathroom too. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know, you don't come across as entitled.
I really enjoy reporting people at the gym who park in the mother and baby spaces who don't have children with them. They are usually arrogent arseholes and they usually call me a "karen" and then I report them for being misogynists. New hobby.
Anyway, you should always behave how you would like people to behave to you, be kind and courteous - help people who need help, but also call out bad behaviour when you can.

Perhaps you have a personality disorder, OP or you have been brushed by someone in your life who has one and have adopted some similar learned behaviour from them but you are aware that you are not what you would say was "normal". I watched a really interesting podcast on personality disorders today. Apparently those with anti-social personality disorder get better as they get older, to the point where, by the time they are 40, there would generally be no behaviours displayed or diagnosis of a APD compared to the same person at 20. Whereas it is the reverse for narcissistic personality disorders, which just get worse. And some people display over-lapping signs of one or more disorder. There is also a theory that social media has put dark triad behaviours into everyday social discourse and interaction, so again, learned behaviours making one behave in a disordered manner, but you are aware of it/questioning it/don't like yourself much because you don't actually have a personality disorder, you're just a bit of a social sheep.

As you are aware that you act like a twat, and don't like yourself much for it, maybe all you need to do is stop acting that way. Slow down for those pensioners, let the person in the wheelchair go first. Give it a go. Your life won't end. Your life probably won't improve much either, but at least you won't be doubting yourself.

You remind me of my sibling. She now lives alone and no one sees/ speaks to her because she just got worse and worse over the years .

Agree, you will get it back from people which will in turn make you even more distrustful / nasty / emotionless

For one day, try smiling at the odd random stranger on the street/ people at tills, open doors for people etc……what you will find is that people will generally smile back at you and it will make you feel better…..it feels nice to be nice……don’t get me wrong, I can be a bit like you at times as I’m quite cynical and selfish but when I make an effort to be nicer it does make me feel good

Then stop behaving like this.

On the contrary.

I help those who help themselves.

Try a week coming from a place of love with a smile on your face and see how your world changes. No opinions. No judgements.

Can you do It?

That sounds more like performative empathy. I would say I’m a pretty nice and decent person but I’ve never had a sleepless night or got emotionally invested in a thread even if I feel sympathy for them.(In fact I’m always amazed how people remember posters names).

If you feel empathy as you describe in your OP then I would suggest you’re not a psychopath. You are very entitled though and clearly put your needs ahead of everyone else’s, even when theirs is greater. That’s just good old fashioned selfish A**hole behaviour, nothing more.

I agree. According to The Highway Code, pedestrians have right of way …