To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

How do you feel about animals, do you have any pets? Not suggesting you would harm anything! (I don’t suspect you of becoming a future serial killer) 😅

Are you very beautiful OP?

I would keep a wide berth from you, as I find your behaviour really unpleasant, I had apathy for a long time, traumatic childhood and managed to find peace within myself a few years ago. I wasn't nasty just no feelings really but now I have too much. You can change if you really want to

There's loads of people like this.

@Mysticguru i will try. I have days i can do that but other days are filled with self loathing and defensiveness so I just middle through not caring about anything. I hate it though.

@Lauren1983 no, very average

You don’t sound like a nice person OP and yes your behaviour is shit. 💩

Are you depressed / burnt out?

Yeah there are, you see them every day on the streets just pushing past people, no apology or acknowledgement that they barged into someone

Sociopaths (ASPD) can and do identity their behaviour as questionable and themselves as abnormal. Several of the OP's statements back up this sense of partial insight without the full extent of empathy, and being well aware of it.

You sound very selfish and like you lack empathy. I would judge a friend if I saw them push ahead to get to the disabled toilet or carry on driving instead of letting a pedestrian cross the street , especially if they do that kind of thing regularly. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.

You aren’t a psychopath as they don’t care if they are nice or not @He1h

Sociopathy is bandied about a lot these days but I think most people fall closer to the selfish twat end of the scale than the sociopath.

Nice as a concept should be banned so I wouldn't worry about being nice. When people on here talk about Be Kind what they mean is be nice. Be docile. Be undemanding.

You sound self centred, entitled and defensive. And probably in survival mode from shit experiences. When I felt let down and rejected by the world, I didn’t give a shit about it either.

But cutting off wheelchair users to prioritise your own ease isn’t going to combat the misogyny in the world that has you feeling so joyless and selfish, it’s just adding to it. Rolling eyes at a friend for being devastated for 3 weeks over the death of a pet isn’t offsetting your sense of numbness.

You might think you are modelling good behaviour to your children but they will see the contradictions. Think fucking people over for self gain is fine. And that will extend to you eventually.

If you are really bothered about changing and seeing if you have emotions which are just stuck, the Buddhist concept of loving kindness or Metta might be a good place to start. It seems small and stupid when you start from a place of not caring but practising it can start to unlock genuine compassion. It can mean processing a lot of feelings that aren’t comfortable though.

Standing on a snail or killing a spider and not feeling bad about it is really weird in my opinion. You don’t sound nice tbh.

Yes, you’re a dick. Bizarrely, you seem to care that you are.

Troll.

Oooh you’re ‘ard 😂
I did think at first your example about the pedestrians was implying if someone seemed about to step into the road you would just deliberately run them over, which would be a bit much 😂 but other than that you’re pretty normal apart from maybe trying to come across as a bit edgy on Mumsnet of all places.
I can’t really get worked up about the disabled loo example. If you get there first you get there first 🤷🏻‍♀️ it would be kind and courteous to let someone get in there first, just like in any scenario in life but you are hardly the fucking devil some are painting you to be.

Oh dear god, another one

"edgy on Mumsnet", bit of an oxymoron 😄

Just want to correct my post. It's Borderline Personality Disorder that apparently improves with age, not Antisocial Personality Disorder.

To be honest OP, your examples sound quite normal (perhaps bar the running elderly people over one?!).

But even the pet dying one, IF you have never had an adored pet in your life then no, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.

I don’t think any of your examples make you a heartless person, does anyone really care about the gender of someone else’s child? Really, your examples are just you not being able to relate to a certain situation/the situation is not your problem to care about (again, bar the potentially dangerous driving…)

I just couldn’t even imagine whizzing past a wheelchair user to beat them to a disabled toilet.

Selfish and lacking in a scary amount of empathy. Your child will be a delight.

You seem to be implying it's something you can't help doing but it seems quite calculated to me. The recipients of your behaviour are all quite vulnerable- wheelchair users, the elderly, small children and tiny creatures. You're basically punching down to make yourself feel more powerful.

Hopefully your kid won't grow up to be a bully based on your example.

You sound like a bit of a twat. If you don't live in London, have you considered moving here? You'll be fine.

How do you know 🧐?