To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

You're probably somewhere on the psychopath spectrum. Not something you can help really - you don't sound like you do anything that bad (aguably the disabled toilet aside) so don't worry about it.

It's clear you lack empathy and that's not fully your fault, however, you KNOW that in the examples above you SHOULD feel empathy and are willingly doing the wrong thing. So yes, I'd say that makes you not a very nice person. Lots of people struggle to feel empathy but still know the difference between right and wrong, and more importantly, do the right thing when they can.

@housethatbuiltme possibly, I’m not sure if I am actually a narcissist but I can see the traits correspond. I want to start therapy but can’t at the moment

@He1h karma is coming for you 😉

sounds more like compassion fatigue after a series of difficult times for you.

Gosh. I very rarely wish bad things on people but I genuinely hope karma catches up with you and makes you experience life in a wheelchair at some point.

@ThatCyanCat i would think they were unpleasant but not think much more of it. I guess I expect that most people are like this but from this thread I can see I am wrong on that!

Agree with PP it sounds like narcissism

Same.
Im on iv chemo,my whole digestive system is in turmoil. I’ve needed the loo in an emergency on occasions now.

Another “ thanks” OP.

Yep, exactly. Secure people don’t drag others down needlessly, and when you stop judging others, you also stop judging yourself because you realise that no one is perfect and there’s plenty of others who have things they would rather change about themselves. The older I have got, the less judgemental I have got and the more secure in myself I’ve become. It’s nice to not give a stuff 😂

The way I see it is, a fat person has no effect on my life whatsoever, I don’t know them or anything about their life and them being fat doesn’t dictate how good a person they are. There’s no need to comment.

Typical entitled arsehole. They're 10 a penny these days, unfortunately.

I think you should be careful with the elderly people at the crossing.

Reading your posts I have a sense that you are rushed off your feet or are anxious or panicked about time. Wanting the kid at softplay to leave your child alone immediately. Rushing past the person going to the disabled loo. Rushing past crossings with elderly people waiting to cross.

Where is the patience in your day? Maybe trying to slow down first at crossings (this is the one that needs to change immediately), is a good first step.

… but not by displaying ‘good manners’.

This.

I’m curious - can you genuinely find happiness living like this? How do you feel when you do these things?

Are you rich?

@Greengagesnfennel i feel rubbish about myself. I don’t have pride in myself anymore I’m just trying to get through the days.

People seem to be generally becoming more selfish and less empathetic with other humans.

One day you’ll be the elderly, slower person who needs the disabled toilets, and you’ll be wishing the world had kinder, more considerate, patient people around you.

I try to live my life by the mantra of “Be the change you wish to see in the world” - there’s so much negativity, and cr*p going on in the world, try being nice, you might feel happier ❤️

Don’t blame anyone aside from yourself op

your response to this poster is also telling

depressing you have a child

Don’t blame anyone aside from yourself op

your response to this poster is also telling

depressing you have a child

No compassion! It could be a sign of a failed attachment at birth. I'm not saying your Mother didn't love and care for you but a child and parental bond can still fail.

You’re not a psychopath or a narcissist because it seems you actually care about your behaviour. Only you can change it though.

Were you once "nice" and realised it was pointless?

I think the examples you gave show a real lack of empathy for others. The one that stood out most was the disabled toilet. You deemed your inconvenience greater than trying to understand the need of others. The pet one too, pet deaths can be equal to loved ones dying because they are hugely loved.

in sure if these incidents impacted you, like having a disability and not being able to go to the toilet when you need it, you would feel differently.

I don’t think that you are alone in these feelings. We are seemingly living in a world where apathy towards others and their needs is in politics, the values we set, consumerism, even technology separates us from human interactions. We simply don’t care enough. It’s sad and ultimately will be the human downfall.

I’m sorry but I think you sound pretty mean. It’s normal, in my opinion, to have compassion and empathy for others and try to be kind and thoughtful of others!

I think you may simply have absorbed the zeitgeist. There's a lot of people around like you, who just don't care about anyone else but themselves, and maybe their immediate family.

Oh dear god, another one