To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

And there's the rub.

The answer is no!

And you'll come across that word more and more in life.

You'll figure it out. Hopefully you won't be a lonely old person when you do.

I mean, no, you don't sound very nice tbh.

Racing to beat a disabled wheelchair user to the bathroom so you can change your child first is hard to justify in any way.

I'm the first to rage about misogyny and we do live in a patriarchal, misogynistic society, but I'm struggling to see how that excuses anything.

I guess the question is, do you care? Do you actually want to be any different?

As women we're expected to be nice - but we don't have to be any more kind than would be expected of a man.

You don't have to be nice. The world won't blow up. When you hit perimenopause or menopause you'll probably start caring even less.

The examples you give aren't all about "being kind". Some of the examples suggest impatience, others suggest a lack of interest in other people, and yet others suggest a lack of empathy.

I'm not sure the first two matter too much, especially if you can mask well when required. The last one though, it might come back to bite you on the arse. It's a bit of a miserable life to lead, devoid of compassion or empathy.

I see PP have suggested counselling. Maybe that would give you some insight into what's going on in your head. But it's really up to you whether you want to be "nice" or not.

Then you can change it. You are already aware of times when you behave selfishly, so if you want to change it then just make sure you’re aware next time you’re in such a situation and don’t behave that way. Your mind usually believes what you tell it, so if you believe you’re a horrible person, you might well be thinking ‘’I’m a horrible person anyway, might as well act like it’’. The fact you’re embarrassed is telling you that your actions contradict your deeper morals, so consciously change your behaviour.

People who put their feet up on the seats opposite them are ignorant, dirty little shits in my view. They are the people you know were not brought up properly, have anti social tendencies and disgust the passengers around them.

Yikes - you’re not a nice person!
Rushing past a disabled person to get to disabled toilet first ??? How do you sleep at night? Probably really well ffs!

I think a lot of us think these things or want to do these things but don’t as we know we shouldn’t. You clearly lack that part of you that has empathy.. I am not sure if you can help it or not!

I sometimes think things and say them under my breath or in the car like ‘eurgh what a fat bitch’ to a random fat person then immediately feel bad and think ‘god I’m so mean’! I would feel bad about stepping on a snail or spider and would be sad about someone else losing a pet more than I care about people which is also wrong! We are all wired differently!

Your poor child, what an example to set them shoving your way to the accessible toilet, yes they are only small now, but do you intend to continue demonstrating selfishness especially towards people more needy or vulnerable than you?

I'm not one of the be kind brigade at all.

However the OPs intrinsic selfishness and lack of empathy are chilling.

It's no wonder society is in a shit state when people don't care a jot about others.

Surely if your kid is a toddler then they don’t need the baby changing table? If they can stand then just take them to the normal toilets. And presumably they are in a nappy so have already been so what is the urgency over a disabled person that needs the toilet?

Surely if your kid is a toddler then they don’t need the baby changing table? If they can stand then just take them to the normal toilets. And presumably they are in a nappy so have already been so what is the urgency over a disabled person that needs the toilet?

"Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you"

You seem to only treat people nicely if you get something out of it, eg those close to you.

You’re awful Muriel 😂

Honestly though … you are

Before I had my surgery you're rushing passed me to get to the accessible toilet would probably mean I shat myself, so thanks 😒

Why are you thinking fat bitch in your head about someone you don’t even know? That person could be caring for a disabled child or a cancer stricken parent. They could volunteer at a domestic violence centre. They could be the kindest person you’ll ever meet. Point is you know nothing of that stranger so why call them a bitch?

How would you feel about somebody who cared just as little about you? Was careful to get past you and your toddler to the accessible loo first even if it did seem like you needed it more urgently? Who had zero compassion for your child wanting a toy and just wanted them to go away? Who didn't care if you were waiting to cross the road? All the things you don't care about with other people, how would you feel about someone who was the exact same way about you?

I agree, that's disgusting behaviour. OP you are not a nice person. Why are you so much more important than anyone else?

OP didn't say that she 'shoved' her way to the accessible toilet. That is a strange thing to assume. I think it's simply that when she sees a disabled person moving towards the toilet then she will try to get in first if she can. I would wager that most people do stuff like this when they slightly quicken their pace to get somewhere first to avoid a queue and it isn't generally seen as morally reprehensible. Of course the issue of it being an accessible toilet does make it seem more ethically questionable but it is worlds away from shoving disabled people out the way and is probably so subtle that lots of people wouldn't necessarily pick up on it.

I think OP is showing some self awareness and desire to change which is considerably better than most selfish people. Contrary to what this thread would suggest, I witness selfish behaviour every single day IRL so the world isn't populated by kind and selfless people. I would guess that at least some of the holier than thou posters on this thread do some pretty terrible and selfish things but don't even realise this and wouldn't admit to them. So OP ignore the haters and bring about the change that you know is needed. Try to be a little more kind in your thoughts and intentions and hopefully it will become second nature in time which will make you a better person and improve your self perception.

Because it makes people feel better about their own shortcomings. That’s why I don’t give a shit about what other people think or say about me because I know they’re saying it because they’re insecure themselves. That poster might be calling a stranger a fat bitch, but there will be things about her that she hates and others could comment on just as much. Like the fact she’s a cow 😂

You're a bit of a cunt... not so much you'd actually kill a person or something bigger than an insect, but you are deeply selfish and lack empathy for others.

You aren't a psychopath though, you DO care what other people think, or you'd voice these things, you wouldn't have named changed here... so probably you're a sociopath.

Up to you whether you try to change that or not really.

Out of interest, how do YOU feel if someone, say, rushes to get in front of you for something, ie, behaves toward you, the way you behave toward others.

Are you easy going about it or does it really grind your gears?

I think you have been given a hard time on here @He1h . You don't sound like a sociopath to me, just a bit selfish.

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home.
Considering that most people eat meat I don't think they can berate you for this. (Vegetarian myself)

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous.
If you haven't had a close relationship with an animal I understand that you find it ott to be so bereaved for "just an animal". Here again, I think you are not the only one.

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!
Exactly. I don't even care about celebrating my birthday at all but DH insists. I find it quite ridiculous how precious adults can be about their birthdays, maybe they are narcissists 😉?

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.
Completely ridiculous, I agree. It's only interesting to the parents and perhaps grand-parents.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.
Well, why would you have compassion for a child throwing a tantrum because they want a toy? I love children in general but I can't say I have "compassion" when they are frustrated about something they want.
Would you have compassion for a child that was badly hurt? I would think yes.

So you're not a psychopath, quite normal but perhaps a bit selfish/rude taking up disabled people's toilets. Then again, if no alternative and if noone is there and you're quick..

I agree. Scruffbags with no manners.

Yes , I was ok , until that bit .. mean.

Yes, I think if you’re quite happy in yourself you don’t tend to call people who have done you no wrong and not behaving in an offensive way, nasty names , even if it’s just in your head. You just go about your business.

So your a literal narcissist?

As in the disorder, so you only care about you own needs (or inconvenience to you) and lack basic empathy to other people/living things lives unless they are beneficial to your life.

Strange thread... therapy is usually the normal route if you can care enough to want to change.

@Mysticguru so your approach is not to try and help someone trying to change? I guess by that analysis you too will come across the word no more and more.