To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

I also hope OP doesn't make her DD feel she has no empathy for her especially when she is growing up in her teenage years.

Weird.

I think the fact that you’re capable of self reflection and are worrying that you’re not very nice rules out the possibility of you being a psychopath as PP suggested. It’s great that you want to do better. And very brave of you for starting this thread. Sorry for saying I might bash into you with my wheelchair if you rushed in front of me, I was tired and stressed last night. I wouldn’t actually do it, but I do get very frustrated with people rushing and pushing their way in front of me and then walking slower than I want to go. I’m restricted to 4mph on the pavement but that is still faster than anyone walks.

You have no empathy or compassion!
The only thing I agree with is adults getting upset because they can’t celebrate their birthday on the actual day ( that’s childish and they could acknowledge their birthday on the day but celebrate another day when friends and family are free )
when my dog died I was absolutely beside myself and was ill with grief for many weeks .

I feel really sad for you op. Please do your best to get some therapy very soon, it can’t be a nice way to live. God bless you

Mumsnet: why do you let people walk all over you? Why are you such a doormat?

Also Mumsnet: you try to get to the toilet cubicle before the other person you can see heading for it? You psychopath!

@Thehandinthecookiejar : hyperbole and exaggeration and no grasp of a middle ground

Also Mumsnet: you try to get to the (DISABLED) toilet cubicle before the other person (WHO'S IN A WHEELCHAIR) you can see heading for it? You psychopath!

You sound selfish, entitled, lack empathy and respect for others. You don’t slow down to let an elderly person cross the road? You’d push past someone queuing to use the disabled loo? Not sure you needed to ask this question tbf as it’s pretty clear you have an issue and think a lot of yourself. Guessing you were equally selfish and didn’t help
others during pandemic?

i despise people like you. Hope people do the same to you as you do to them. Also worrying that you’ve got a child - hope they have better role models in their life otherwise they’re screwed too

Whatever that means

So you’re a dick! Cool!

Honestly, I'd love to live in a world where people allow others to cross the road every single time. I live how people are so righteous, yet I bet they don't do half the things they claim.
Are people really upset if they accidentally stand on an ant? Come one, at least the op is honest.

Killing bugs, birthdays (just a day, get over it) and gender reveals (absolutely awful things, no one cares) I’m with you on. The other things, not so much. I feel I lack empathy sometimes but then agonise over situations where I feel I have upset some one. I sometimes let people cross the road, sometimes don’t, would not rush past someone to beat them to any loo though.

Glad to see you came back OP.
To reflect on yourself is quite liberating, especially when you realise the things you do wrong. It’s a good point to move forward from.

Definitely not the words of a psychopath, a sociopath or a narcissist. Don’t beat yourself up too much OP. We all have bad traits but if we can reflect on them and want to improve that’s all anyone can ask.

Every single person who has replied to you could start a thread listing all their bad qualities and would get lambasted in the same way. Those that say they have no bad qualities at all and don’t need to improve on anything are the ones you want to watch out for.

Or a clever one who freely admits that doesn’t want to come across to people as she really is

I think you're being very honest and truthful.
I don't think everyone will be that honest.
I don't 'care' about anyone other than my immediate family. I would always put their needs before others. I don't feel bad for that, I'm prioritising my family first over a stranger and that's OK to me.
We all have irritants that get to us, you're being refreshingly honest.
Harsh but true is what my dh would say about me as I'm similar. I'm true to myself and my family come first and I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to say that.

I did say ‘sorry snail’ yesterday when I accidentally felt the crunch of one under my feet. 🫤

@BunnyLake funnily enough i did too. But I also didnt feel bad for more than a second or two.
I understand some of the ops behaviour isn't particularly nice, but if people were honest with themselves, we all have done, or do, things that aren't "nice.'
If everyone stopped to let people cross the road every time we wouldn't need crossings.
I do sometimes stop, but not every time. I'd never manage to leave my town, its full of old people!

There has to be a balance so we can all rub along together in a reasonably civilised manner. I apologised to the snail 😊 but I would have been a bit nutty if I’d started crying over it.

😂 that's something I'd say.

I'd probably be a teeny tiny bit sad for about 10 seconds.

I’m sorry, I have read this several times and still have no idea what it means

Really?

ok so

very clever because managed to conceal her actual thoughts and feelings and motivations from others because she does care what others think of her

It says a lot about you that you think everyone secretly feels as the OP does but conceals it. Maybe you should get together and boast about how ‘refreshingly honest’ you find one another, and perhaps analyse the psychology of people who are ethically atrophied and socially malfunctioning to the extent that no one without an immediate biological claim on them is entitled to any consideration.

On these threads though you can't say you aren't like that for fear of being accused of virtue signalling.