To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

Wondering if this is like that Black Mirror episode... and if we all pile on and agree with the OP that she's not very nice, we'll all get attacked by fake killer bees 😂

You clearly think you’re the most important person in the room. To rush in front of a wheelchair user because your kid needs changing is possibly one of the most selfish things i’ve ever heard. You have an inflated sense of self importance. Your ego is big. It’s possible you are a narcissist. Do you have many friends OP? Bet the ones you do have talk behind your back because quite possibly the only thing you talk about is yourself. You’re the main character in your selfish little world

I’ve read through all your replies to OP’s, and after reading them, think that you are actually crying out for some help. Yes, I still think you come across as somewhat unpleasant, but I also think that this might be to do with whatever you are trying to cope with right now - your detachment regarding others’ feelings/needs could actually be down to the difficulties you are experiencing yourself right now.
Is there anyone neutral that you could talk to to help you through whatever it is you are struggling with? I know you’ve said that you think therapy of some sort might help you but you can’t do it right now, but really, you are concerned enough about your behaviours to post here, so some kind of therapy would probably help you to start liking yourself a bit better (because I’m not sure you really do at the moment), and then you may start to once again empathise with others. I wish you all the best.

Have you ever taken the psychopath test? Score over 10 indicates psychopathy, apparently. We did it- dd1, ds and myself were negative scores. Dd2 and DH both got 9! I would say they are both far more self pleasing than us, so probably fits!

To be honest I agree with you. You won't get a straight answer on this as there are so many virtue signallers about. I much prefer someone who is authentic and upfront about not being saint (such as yourself), rather than those who talk endlessly about being kind and slamming anything that isn't massively left wing but don't take any concrete action to make the world a better place. When ever people bring up the philosophical conundrum about if you have to chose between saving one person you know and love Vs saving 5 people you don't know, I just level with them and say I'd pick the person I knew and loved. I was at a dinner party and asked how people would feel if they picked the 5 and then found out they were all paedophiles, that put a cat amongst the pigeons 😆 as you can tell I'm also an arsehole

Virtue signallers? For not racing a person in a wheelchair to the disabled toilet 😂

It took a while.

I would save one loved one over five strangers.

So the gender reveals , birthdays after 18 etc are pretty normal.

your friends pet dying - you had no bond with the cat so it’s difficult to feel how it feels for her, so it may seem ridiculous but if you had experienced the death of a beloved pet yourself you would definitely know it’s not at all ridiculous and entirely normal as a pet is part of the family.

Rushing past a wheelchair use to change your baby is entitled and not caring is deeply unempathic

squashing a spider by mistake - I would say some guilt as unintentional but would expect a caring person to try and put a spider outside as all creatures are part of our whole eco system. So by not caring about them it suggests you are not connected to the bigger picture.

Not slowing down for the elderly - well I guess when you get to that age you will get your comeuppance !! That is quite sad.

What happened 15 years ago? Why do you think you have changed?? You say you were not always like this? I think you are genuinely looking for answers. I think it’s important you do start to focus on ways of becoming more connected to world around you. Not taking in everyone’s problems but a goal to think more about others as actual human beings with thoughts and feelings. And think about how you might want others to treat you? If you were old or disabled.

The fact you don’t say anything to them despite you finding their behaviour strange shows you have insight to the fact that it would upset them.

But to say you’d push past a disabled person saying you don’t care if they need it more. That’s a bit shit. Especially when you haven’t said that you aren’t able-bodied enough to take your child to the non-disabled toilets to use the loo, or to take your child elsewhere. Also not slowing down for elderly people, which in turn could end up with them in harms way.

Not sure if it’s a troll post or not.
If not then you just sound like a bit of a dick tbh 🤷‍♀️

You aren’t teaching her to behave with decency. She is learning from your behaviour. You are setting bad examples to your kid!

What a weird game

@PBJsandwich123

much prefer someone who is authentic and upfront about not being saint (such as yourself), rather than those who talk endlessly about being kind and slamming anything that isn't massively left wing but don't take any concrete action to make the world a better place.

ever heard of middle ground? Or are you prone to hyperbole and drama in RL?

Having had a disabled father - pushing in front of a disabled person for the toilet is really horrible. But I guess it is never too late to change your ways - I really hope you do so your children don't grow up to be like you.

ASPD

OP, I read this earlier and went away and had a think. I don't think you're an awful person, I thin for whatever reason, you are pushed to the absolute limit. You can cope with what's in front of you but little else, there's no bandwidth left. There simply isn't room for the wandering pedestrians, wailing children and sed dementia sufferers.
You say you've had a difficult few years, is it at all possible to step off the roundabout for a little? Look for a new, kinder, better, job for example. Even just managing to rest more and re-set.
I know I'm being vague but I think you need to get to the core of whatever is wrong before you can recover. If that's not too woo.

Actively rush past a wheelchair user …

to change my baby, who, unlike an adult wheelchair user, has no concept of needing to be changed.

nice.

I was kinda with you at the start but the disabled toilet one got me , then going back the not letting the elderly cross the road... you say you are kind but around your own family and needs, maybe pretend its your grandma or imagine being wheelchair bound yourself if that's what you need to do to behave like a functioning part of a healthy society.

Apart from the last one, I’m not sure the others are a big deal

There are a few reasons why people with a disability need a disabled toilet OP. My DH is a wheelchair user because he is tetraplegic. He simply cannot use a toilet that doesn’t have enough space to get in. He also needs to go with very little notice and doesn’t have the same capacity as most people to control his bladder. If you rush past him you are effectively allowing a grown man to have an accident. It’s very distressing and undignified for people with a disability to be denied the right to go to the toilet whenever and however they need to. Does that give you a reason to not be so self centred? Will you continue to show a lack of empathy because you see your need to be greater than someone else despite the fact that you have more options available to you and your child?

From your original post I thought you were a selfish cow. But then I read your other comments. Tbh you sound depressed. How old is your child? Could it be post natal depression?

I understand feeling disillusioned at the world and other people. I often think that everyone seems to be out for themselves too, and it's annoying. Years ago a man was being very verbally abusive to the bus driver, driver had to stop as he couldn't concentrate on driving, everyone else just sat there. I was standing near the front and spoke back to the man shouting, yeah I got some verbal abuse from him too for speaking up, but I couldn't just stand back and watch the injustice like the rest of the full bus of people.

Some people suck. And it's easy to feel jaded, especially when down or maybe depressed. You definitely need therapy. You said you can't at the moment, if it's about money you can ask your GP for a referral.

I’m thinking I should be worried for your child,not you.

Hi OP,
From some of your examples, you sound exactly like my niece who’s now 18.
She has never had any empathy for anyone, including her own mother when she nearly died (dsis has multiple chronic illnesses).
My niece has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. I recommend you look into it.
My niece is now having CBT.

You sounds like a sociopath! Even worse that you behave like this in front of your children…

I think that you sound a bit depressed, and are suffering with a bit of weltschmertz.

Yes the very fact you feel embarrassed shows you do care & have feelings & empathy
You wouldn't be wondering & questioning yourself & your soul if there was something very wrong with you
God Bless You&Yours
My feeling is that you're most likely somewhat depressed? Folk whom're depressed can feel really apathetic about most things - Sometimes it can be instigated by being hurt so much & by numerous souls that we become numb & can't feel, you know?
I do feel for you because you obviously do have a conscience or you wouldn't have commenced & completed your comment
I wish You&Yours all the utmost very best
💚⭐💚