To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

Honestly how do you know if OP does warrant a diagnosis or not? You have absolutely no idea if her behaviour and thoughts stray into the disordered. For someone that seems very keen on disability rights and acknowledging some non visible aspects of disability like incontinence, it is absolutely bizarre that you can't comprehend a world where OP's behaviour is part of a disorder and qualifies as a disability in itself.

Nobody has appointed you as the disability police and you don't get to stop people suggesting to OP that she might want to look into relevant conditions or disorders.

I'm not in a position to give a clinical diagnosis. If someone doesn't care about how they treat others, but does care what others think of them, what would you call it?

That they are someone who doesn't care about how they treat others, but does care what others think of them,

I wouldn’t “call” it anything beyond that.

if forced to…. A shady twat

Oh calm down 🙄

I'm not the one calling people very unpleasant names... Honestly I think you need to reflect on yourself and your behaviour on this thread

Hello OP
i understand and I think you are suffering a great deal. I don’t think you are a horrible person, but I wonder if you are a traumatised person who hasn’t been treated very well early in your life (in obvious or perhaps less obvious ways) and are struggling to trust and connect with people positively now as a consequence.
If you can afford it, I suggest looking for a trauma focussed psychotherapist.
good luck and I feel for you.

And nor have I

my point was that I can understand why posters may have done

Selfish and thoughtless?

It’s very possible OP has NPD as most people with NPD have severe esteem issues and the putting their own needs and only caring about what benefits them and arrogance is coupled with a crippling lack of self-esteem which this hardness is an attempt to disguise.

OP is clearly realising that this behaviour is not typical and is actually unpleasant and frowned upon. I hope that this means she can grow and at least pretend, which is what people with NPD can manage after counselling. Allowing them to function in society without upsetting everyone! (I know a couple who are self-aware and have had therapy enabling them to meet the needs of others). Good luck OP!

I think we're basically agreeing.

We don't have an infinite capacity for empathy and kindness.

But it's something we can all work on, particularly where it matters. If only because, for most people, being a little bit kinder makes you feel better!

I don't think it makes any difference to anyone whether OP sheds a tear for a squished spider or gets excited about gender reveals.

But maybe the toddler who is wants their child's toy can be met with a "oh sorry lovely this one's not for you" rather than a glower. Or OP can realise that taking a moment to slow down to let someone cross the road is going to make no difference to her day (you will get to your destination in exactly the same time!!) but will help someone else out.

Interesting. I was actually kind of with you up to and including the gender reveals. I'm not very empathetic when it comes to animals, and I'm a bit of an internal eye roller when it comes to gender reveals, or caring too much about celebrating your birthday on a particular day, because I just don't think these things are something to make a big fuss about. Bu I definitely parted company with you on the rest. And I do think I am generally a nice person.

Totally not. A narcissist feels no shame and feels nothing is wrong then. People really shouldn’t bandy about terms without understanding them properly. A true narcissist would feel it was their victims fault.

It isn't just the humiliation.

It's the accessibility of being able to change clothes, which is an ordeal if you have impaired mobility.

It's being able to get to a safe space to change, or get home.

Many wheelchair users don't drive. There aren't many accessible taxis, buses are infrequent and many people park pushchairs in wheelchair bays and drivers do nothing to uphold the accessible space that is legally required to be given to a wheelchair user if needed. It's the time delays to their day that one small inconvenience can cause as opposed to just taking a child into a cubicle and getting them changed and getting on with the day. It's missing appointments and meetings and being late for work because the world is already pretty wheelchair inaccessible, because someone thinks their child should get priority simply for being a child.

I can guarantee none of this crosses the OPs mind.

I think the OP is simply selfish and ignorant, and it doesn't cross her mind how her actions could have such a huge detrimental impact on someone's day if they're disabled and she thinks she and her child are much more important than they are.

I hope the OP reads my comment because it is hell if you're a wheelchair user simply because nobody thinks beyond themselves, but you don't know what you don't know, and hopefully in knowing the impact these actions have, she will change.

and attention to feed the self absorption, which they have received and I am guessing they'd love to be termed psychopathic; instead of selfish.

Sounds like you might be depressed or had trauma in your life? Maybe a counseller could help or maybe a sciopath?

A lot of those are not so bad. If things aren’t related to our own child (like gender reveals or upsets) most people aren’t that affected. Rushing past a disabled person to get into the loo though - yeah that’s a horrible thing to do.

Yeah, you’re right you don’t sound like a very nice person tbh. You sound selfish and self centred.
Do you have friends/partner? What do they say?

Well I got told to fuck off by one particularly nasty poster who thinks nobody can possibly have adhd or autism and it's all excuses excuses obviously never worked in mental health either.

I get a lot of your OP, but it is largely situational - I care more about not hurting animals in fairness - would move a snail on a path. However if someone is loitering on a curb (usually ignoring a crossing meters away) I won't slow or wave them across and I get annoyed with them instead for being selfish. I also do not get the adult obsession with having to make everyone pay to celebrate your own birthday on a set day - if you want friends with you you should pay for them, not expect them to give up a day and do what you want just because they are a friend. It feels unfairly unfriendly of anyone to get angry with them if they can't or don't want to do that.

I think we as women are expected to care A LOT more about these things. Men don't roll about wondering if they are "good" because they don't bend over backwards to make everyone else's life easier than their own.

I think you sound depressed. Your apathy gets stronger as you care less and less about life.

I don’t think you’re a sociopath or psychopath. I do think you may well need an SSRI to help you and some cognitive behaviour therapy.

I’d recommend the gp. What you’re saying isn’t normal for you. The change is the problem and I would bet there’s an imbalance postpartum especially.

As you’re noticing it, you’re ready to get some help. Please do.

You sound as if you have a problem with normal social interactions (are you on the A.S.D spectrum ? )Sometimes we have to adapt/fit into situations in order to get along if we are always at odds with the world the world will be at odds with us Humans are heard animals

How do you feel if people are unkind to you? If it makes you feel upset, then you need to understand that it works both ways - that's how societies work! It may not come naturally to you, but you may need to learn to act with more compassion, especially as a role model to your child.

I’m sorry to say that you come across as very unpleasant.

This isn't anything special. You sound like most people tbh - you only care about yourself, and your immediate family/circle. Sorry, you're not that different!

Considering that you acknowledge that you used to be empathetic and use the expression that you’re just getting through day to day, it sounds like a psychological response to pain and unhappiness.

I’d explore talk therapy with a good counselling psychologist as it sounds like perhaps this is a learned defence mechanism (nobody is going to get one over on me!) rather than something innate. Talking about it in a safe space may help you enormously understand WHY you are behaving like this and therefore curb the self loathing.

I wish you well. I’m on the other side of the spectrum and almost have too much empathy and are therefore trying to work on boundaries at the moment. We are all a work in progress. Well done for reaching out!