To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

I think it’s just your personality and you score low on agreeableness (look up the big 5). It doesn’t mean you’re a ‘bad person’ though, and you can always choose to how you behave, and it sounds like you want to behave in a kind and considerate way, so you can choose to change. Who we are is made up by our behaviour, and you’re fully in control of that Op, you can be who you want to be :-)

Not to mention, if she asked people the same question in real life they wouldn’t respond the way most have on here. I’m worried OP is now beating herself up after this pile on.

They chose to start a thread in AIBU.

Oh ok, then people should absolutely crack on speaking to her like shit

Sociopath or Psychopath not sure which.

People are appalled
and articulating that
it’s not talking to the op like shit. It is responding to her pretty heinous admission of not “caring” if a wheelchair needed to use the disbanded toilets more than her toddler and rushing past them.

What is the big deal if a toddler pees their pants.

Now imagine an adult woman wheelchair bound wetting herself and the humiliation and consequences of that if in a shopping centr

Some peopldle have definitely spoken to her like shit, calling her a prick, a cunt and other things. Not acceptable, I agree. But if she's truly indifferent to other people, she won't care. I don't know if she is or not.

I think you're right up to a point.

I often think this when I'm travelling round London on the tube - people are mostly just acting completely selfishly because you have to put self-preservation first or you'd never get anywhere and it'd all be too overwhelming. You stop treating your fellow passengers like human beings and start treating them like obstacles to you getting where you're going on time and in comfort. It's not the place to see people behaving at their best.

And if life is a bit difficult and full-on then that self-preservation mode can become your default.

BUT...

I don't think it's exactly like money in that we don't have a finite capacity, we can working on growing it. Because generally we feel better about ourselves when we act better to other people.

The fact OP is bothered about the fact she doesn't feel like a nice person shows me she has capacity to be nicer, she just needs to work on it.

I suppose if they or are a loved one is wheelchair bound and has watched as a woman and her toddler has rushed past her entire to the one disabled toilet in the shopping centre and locked door behind her, resulting in you or your loved one pissing or shitting themself…. Then you may well view the OP very unfavourably and be drawn to convey that!!

I agree, you don't sound like a nice person. You don't appear to have empathy for others.

We don't have a set capacity with money either though. You can always earn more, take on side hustles, make savings in your spending etc and then donate the extra to charity. Most people don't do this though because it either isn't practical to do what is required to grow the money or they are too selfish and prioritise themselves and their family when spending the extra money.

I think people always assume that everyone has enough capacity and bandwidth to be kind and empathetic towards others but sometimes people simply don't. It also isn't always clear who is being selfish in a given situation. I am reminded of my friend who works as a carer and is completely overworked and underpaid. If she uses her very limited and inflexible lunch break to buy a quick lunch and gets stuck behind an elderly person spending 10 minutes rooting around their purse for all the copper coins they have to pay for their items then this could literally make her late to her next appointment and this could be time she will never catch up and will impact all her clients that afternoon. People would always suggest the kind thing to do is tolerate the elderly person unnecessarily holding up a queue but arguably the elderly person is being extremely selfish by paying in such a time consuming way. Is my friend wrong to say something or should she just accept she won't be able to buy a lunch for the day and will work all the rest of the day hungry?

Basically my point is that life is rarely black and white. Sometimes we are running at our limits and can't make allowances for kindness and empathy on the way we would like to. That doesn't make us a bad person.

I agree that that was the point in the OP where I thought "that actually is really bad". Does it justify calling her a prick or a cunt? I don't know, a lot of people managed to communicate how bad it was without doing that. But I got deleted the other day for telling a poster they were being disingenuous and dishonest, so maybe some people figure you may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.

She seems to have left the thread. Could be she's too upset to come back, could be she just doesn't care. Strange to start the thread if you truly don't care, though.

No you’re right you’re not!

Yes. But my point was… are you a wheelchair user who has peed / shat themselves as a result of an adult rushing past them to use the one disabled toilet for a… toddler

Me? No, I'm not.

So my point is… if you had have shat yourself in a shopping centre as a result of an adult rushing by to use the disabled toilet for their toddler… I don’t think unreasonable to have read this and called the op a prick

for you and I, to have never experienced this… it would be unreasonable

Well, I've had a quick flip back through some of the thread, and while I did see one deletion, there are loads of posts that I'm pretty sure breach the guidelines (not all of them directed at OP) and they've been up for some time. So it would seem that people on this thread don't feel hugely strongly about it in this particular case because I don't think it would need more than one report for many of these.

This is such an extreme take on the situation.

Lots of disabilities don't increase your risk of shitting yourself. If you have extreme urgency issues where this would happen then it must happen all the time when another disabled person is using the toilet already or there is a queue already of disabled people. It's also true that if the disabled toilet is the only place where there is baby changing facilities too then through slightly different timing the toilet could be legitimately occupied by a parent. The fact a parent walked quickly to get their child in the toilet first won't be the cause of the first or only incident of this nature if you're out in public a lot and have such severe urgency issues. I'm not saying this makes it ok, but just that there seems to be some weird assumptions that the person with urgency issues would only ever shit themselves in the specific scenario instigated by OP when in reality this won't be the case.

Many wheelchair bound suffer from incorrect to various degrees

fact

Walked quickly?

The op said “actively rush past

and wouldn’t care if disabled person needed it more

this is a toddler we are talking about. Seriously, what’s the big deal if peer pants compared to adult wheel chair user?

Just catching up on this thread.
’Take the plank out of your own eye before removing the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye’ comes to mind.
No need for the name calling.
We all do wrong things. Everyone.

I'm not denying this.

Sorry ? I don’t understand

in any event, did you report the ones you thought were abusive?

So… why is it so “extreme”?

I suppose if someone doesn't care about the trouble they cause others but is wounded if they're disliked, that's narcissism rather than sociopathy.

Oh please no labels

That is what the op wants. An excuse basically. A diagnosis