To think I’m not a nice person?

[He1h]

I CAN be nice but overall I don’t think I am. There are genuine sentiments I feels where I want to do the right thing or where I feel genuine empathy towards someone. Mainly family or close friends which I guess is normal.

But there’s so many things I hear about where I basically can’t understand how anyone could be bothered… examples…

Stepping on a snail or killing a spider in your home. I feel nothing, maybe a mild acknowledgment that it’s a bit cruel but a few seconds later I’m over it.

My friend’s family pet died when she was in her late twenties and she was devastated for around 3 weeks. I thought it was ridiculous (I didn’t say that obviously).

People getting bothered when they’re above the age of 18 and their birthday can’t be celebrated on that specific day.. who cares?!

Gender reveals… I literally could not give a fuck what gender your baby is, I do not want to have a ‘reveal’ because I am simply not interested.

When someone’s child is crying at a park of soft play because they want the toy my child has…I have zero compassion and just want said child to go away.

Whoever is about to cross the road and I could slow down and stop, I don’t, even if elderly. I simply don’t care.

If my toddler needs to use the disabled bathroom when we are out, and the baby changing is in there, I will actively rush past a wheelchair user on their way in (if I can manage it in a socially acceptable way). I don’t care that they may need it more than me/DD.

There’s lots more. I can be very kind and considerate but largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else. I often think I will make up for this shitty behaviour later on in life. Then of course I don’t. How awful are these things? Am I just a bit shit?

You sound entitled, selfish and inconsiderate. It’s not genocide levels of badness, but I certainly wouldn’t be friends with you, and if you were in my social circle I’d avoid you and have very little respect for you.

However, making this post shows that you understand it’s a problem, so I don’t think you’re a hopeless case. If you can work on yourself and effect a meaningful change, I would have a lot of respect for you.

People tend to be happier when they’re prosocial (up to a point), so it’d probably also benefit you psychologically.

“largely I think I’m mostly about myself/immediate family and couldn’t care less about anything else”

You may feel differently when equally shitty people like yourself treat your precious immediate family the way you do others. Let’s hope none of your family actually need to use the disabled toilet at any point in their life whilst some cunt runs in front of them so they can change their child.

You sound immature. You act like a toddler who hasn't yet developed a superego. In your life your priority is to get what you want when you want it.

You say that you had more empathy when you were a young adult - to me that suggests that back then you were influenced by what other people thought of you. Now you are acting as if you are an unsupervised child - is it an unconscious rebellion against parental/authority figures you feel have let you down in some way?

You are showing your child how to be an adult. If that's ok with you, crack on.

I can agree with some of your viewpoint, the gender reveals and just wanting other children to go away for example but the disabled toilet one is too far.

I do however think that most people will only actually care about their immediate family and not really give a fuck about anyone else.

Also agree though that you are immature and attention seeking OP.

I was all for your honesty and self-knowledge until I got to the one about people crossing the road.

Yeah, you're a bit of a shitty person.

It’s all rather childish and meeeeee OP

The feet on train seats for example, the behaviour of a poorly brought up 14 year old.

It wouldn’t be so depressing if it weren’t for the fact your child will be watching and learning

I was kind of with you until the disabled toilet access…. That’s just a dick move.

Yeah, you generally sound like a bit of a douche. The type of person that others talk about being mean and selfish behind their backs. Complete lack of empathy for others is a psychopathic trait. How was your childhood? Have you ever made any active actions that hurt others? You mentioned the not stopping to let people cross - have you ever endangered anyone else? Person or animal? If it hasn’t went that far and its just a lack of thought for anyone other than yourself then I’d suggest actibely trying to change your thoughtless behaviour. You’re intelligent enough to list examples here and ask for our opinion so you can think about the way you act and try to be better. If you don’t care enough to change then you need to accept a life of being unliked. People notice when other people act unkind. Even if you think it goes unnoticed its not - you’re being judged and making a name for yourself.

Being kind costs nothing. The world doesn’t revolve around you. With all the negativity in the world nowadays kindness is almost all we have left. Theres no room for folk who barge past disabled people into a disabled toilet etc. Up to you to sort it.

OP uou have said you can be nice and you have listed lots of examples of being selfish or lacking in empathy.
Would you detail situations where you have been or are nice.
its hard to comment without a balanced look at how and when you behave nicely

It's literally a memoire. A memoire. A book about herself and her life.

Like many people now you seem a bit entitled and grabby.Rushing past a wheelchair user to grab the loo! who does that. Not stopping for pedestrians who are disabled.I have a stick, and thankfully people let me go when they see it.You seem almost proud of it. I would have a long hard look at yourself.You will be old one day. or may not get around so quickly when you slow down .Try and be kinder and work on your empathy!

The behaviours you've listed are quite selfish, sure. It makes me wonder what happened in your early life. I wonder if you had to develop patterns of behaviour where you looked after yourself, and shut yourself off from interactions with others, because you couldn't trust the adults around you to look after you.

Most of the time, our behaviour is a communication about what has happened to us.

There's an awful lot of projection on this thread, OP. The truth is that all these people who think they are so nice and kind and empathetic are absolutely revelling in the opportunity to be vicious and superior towards you. You can guarantee that plenty of them have blind spots of their own. Most people are self absorbed and selfish. For instance, last night I was at a hobby club and had all my stuff out and someone came in and wanted to sit in my space, so I moved myself and all my crap to another seat, and she didn't so much as look at me or thank me. Bet she thinks she's a lovely person though!

You're normal, and refreshingly honest, which makes a change.

OP maybe it would help to go out of your way to deliberately make small gestures of kindness in your day.

Just little things like letting holding the door for people, being the car that stops to let a pedestrian cross the road, smiling and engaging with the staff at the supermarket check out. Just make it a mission to do one little thing that you didn't have to do every day.

Most times people will react positively to those small gestures - you'll get a smile or a thanks back. And that feels rewarding, you feel a bit more positive about yourself and you feel like a better person. Which is positively reinforcing - you start to feel like the type of person who does kind things and so you're more likely to do more of them in the future and change your image of yourself.

It's just building a habit really. Like an unfit person can make little steps to do more exercise, and then see themselves differently as a result.

You're further along the shitty behaviour than most people.

Most of us would admit to agreeing with some of your points, but the ones where your behaviour could cause emotional or physical suffering to a person tip you over the edge into being a bad person.

I think it's normal to have selfish or uncharitable thoughts and to sometimes act that way too. But rushing to use the disabled loo ahead of someone in genuine need isn't normal behaviour. Most people have learned to have some empathy and to understand how social interaction works.

There's an awful lot of projection on this thread, OP

let me guess… you liberally throw around such terms of “narcissist” and “triggered” and so on.

And I would argue that your post is surely “projection” ( 🤮) because you relate to the Op

It’s not that you’re not nice. But your lack of empathy is what a psychologist would deem sociopathic. Perhaps seek professional advice as your sociopathic tendencies could be very damaging to your children

You just sound like a selfish twat.
There's lots around.
Don't try and dignify it with a 'diagnosis'

Totally agree with this. It makes Op sound way more interesting and special than she is @He1h shes just a common or garden dick, nothing more and nothing less. They are ten a penny (unfortunately).

Completely this!

To be honest I am most suspicious of those posters that are treating OP as if she has done really heinous things when she simply hasn't. They seem to be laying it on thick in order to make OP feel bad about herself when she has already expressed that she is feeling down and wants to change. It is so counter productive to express what I can only presume is mock outrage. Surely posters don't live in a bubble and see far worse behaviour everyday. I would go as far as to suggest that some posters get a kick out of making OP feel like crap and that in itself is far more removed from being 'kind' than anything OP has professed to doing. She hasn't deliberately tried to hurt or upset anyone whereas I think lots of posters on this thread are trying to do this to OP.

Even if OP is a psychopath or sociopath then what does this actually mean? Do kind people not want to reach out and help people with these conditions too? We are all told now to extend an enormous amount of support and understanding to people with other personality disorders and yet people have been desperate to condem OP for her behaviour which may well be disordered but doesn't make her inherently bad or evil.

I know where you are coming from. I am inherently selfish, as are a lot of people, but I consciously remind myself to consider others, show interest in them, not always try and put myself first. You don’t have to act on impulse, you can learn and try to be better.

Yes, I do relate to the OP. I can be selfish, and lack empathy quite often. But then I can see, using my own eyes, that most people are the same. I just have to step outside my front door to be practically mown down by inconsiderate cyclists, for instance. Lack of consideration for others is so common it's almost a universal. And some of the worst, in my experience, are those who pride themselves on their niceness and kindness.

I also think a man writing this post in a male forum would get very different reactions. Women are heavily socialised to be kind and put others first in a way men aren't.

You “see” using your “eyes” that people are the same as you and the OP

Dont just others by your own shit standards

Your empathy is very low, OP, or maybe nonexistent.
Hopefully you act kindly and hen you need to?
But, hey, you do you.