Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

I think you were unreasonable. What acceptable reason can there be for you saying yes to sharing with two others but getting really upset when a third comes along, except that it made you uncomfortable? That's not a good enough reason to say that someone can't sit in a free seat that don't own and are not using. I'd have thought you were a bit mental tbh.

Really? I've been at multiple crowded cafes or food courts where strangers have shared tables. Christmas shopping in a mall, interval at a sports event...it's not a big deal.

I don't know OP, I'm the opposite of you and would feel cheeky taking up a 4-person table in a busy place. I'd count myself lucky for every second I had it to myself.

I’m always nonplussed by the posters who absolutely insist that it’s entirely normal to plonk yourself down at someone else’s table in a café or similar. I’ve never known it to be ‘a thing’, and quite frankly, I’m glad of that!

Exactly! The ‘ask’ is just to make sure no one is sitting there.

If it was bigger picnic style bench then them sitting with would have probably been ok but I can imagine being squashed into a small 4 person booth by strangers, it sounds claustrophobic and unpleasant and disregards you and your trying to eat .
Well done OP!

In a cafe is a bit different (unless there are large tables/bench-style long tables like in Wagamama).
But here we're talking about a market/food stall set-up. Surely you can see the difference?

I agree! I mean, in OP’s position I’d have been ok for the couple to sit with me, assuming they opposite and not sat next to me. The addition of the third person, who would presumably be sat next to OP would make me uncomfortable.

You made the mistake of saying yes to a couple which you definitely won't be doing again? 😂 You do realise that if you refuse to share your table in a busy place, the manager will probably tell you to do one, in not so many words? You DON'T have the right to stop people sitting in empty seats. You don't. Geddit?

If you stopped paying customers from sitting in empty seats, I would ban you, if it was my establishment. Same for causing arguments about it, as you'd be affecting my business.

You know, if you read op again....she asked if it was two of them, they said yes, then when extra man plonks himself down next to her she said something. He then goes bonkers.

She didn't tell them to move until he went mad. She called them out on saying there were two and not three and she's not unreasonable in being a bit put out in the first instance. She's definitely not unreasonable in being a lot put out by a man losing his shit with her.

They didn't even have food yet!

She isn't being at all cheeky sitting there as there are not usually tables for 1!

Well, yes, naturally I recognise the difference but I was commenting on all those saying how entirely normal this is when actually in cafés and the ilk, I admit I didn’t directly address the op, which was remiss of me. As it stands, I personally still think it’s weird, as a group of three, to land on someone else’s table when the ‘someone else’ is on their own, they’re relatively small tables and others will come up, with just a short wait.

If you read, they didn’t say yes

if its busy then id share a table, usually i prefer a single table but depends on other factors at times

I suspect OP Sat on a free table and then started eating? I would not move if I am half way through lunch.

Obviously his reaction was unreasonable but I don’t think having three people sit in three empty chairs was wrong.

Same.

You don’t own the table for the duration just because you sat down there first.. you can renounce their permission that you have no right to issue but that does not mean they have to find another table.

There's no sense at all in waiting, either with your hands full of plates/food boxes or getting more and more hungry, when there are plainly seats free, just in case there's someone there who requires an exclusion zone between themselves and the terrifying prospect of People They Don't Know.

He nodded! Is that not a yes? Lol

Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

I don't think a bloke would have been bothered about sharing the table, to be honest. What a fuss about nothing!

It's totally normal when somewhere is very busy and there are no free tables. And you don't just plonk yourself, you ask if the space is taken. The other person almost always says no, if that's the case. It's a social dance and it's very common in some situations. You must be very sheltered if you've never experienced this!

It completely depends. OP said several things at once, with her headphones in and then relied on gestures for communication. And then decided he was a liar and should be attacked

Where I live in the US, it is NOT the done thing to sit with strangers. To borrow the spare chairs, yes, but not to actually sit with them.

But I've been on MN for quite a few years now, and I have read many threads with people talking about sharing tables, so I get the impression that it is common there.

ETA: I wouldn't "bark" at anyone if they asked if they could share my table, but I would be confused, and I would probably say "no, thank you."

I think it would make all of us uncomfortable, but most of us have the common sense and the social skills to know that we have no right to complain about a person sitting in a free seat, if the place is buzzing. For all OP knows, the third person might have had health issues and really needed a seat.

I was at the airport and it was very busy. I had no problem with the nice polite couple who asked to share my table. It would have been very awkward if I said no and they had to stand and eat. Be kind