Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

Makes no difference it was a booth it was under occupied
TBH this was an anticipated outcome. Solo diner at table for 4

Makes no difference it was a booth it was under occupied
TBH this was an anticipated outcome. Solo diner at table for 4. Table get shared by 3 other diners
if you want solo dining do not sit at table for 4 and expect sole use in busy cafe

Makes no difference it was a booth it was under occupied
TBH this was an anticipated outcome. Solo diner at table for 4. Table get shared by 3 other diners
if you want solo dining do not sit at table for 4 and expect sole use in busy cafe

The cleaning companies employ people who speak very little English. They are cheap labour. They work together as a team. You rarely get British workers in these teams of cleaners. Sometimes they just fly in for a few weeks 'holiday' earn the money and return. They do not always have visas to work here.

They are dangerous in that they provide a united front. Nationality has nothing to do with it. They are ruthless.

These cleaning companies primarily clean end of lets, start of a new let, overnight cleaning for companies. They also do domestic cleaning in an occupied house. I gave a warning to people. The OP described a similar thing,

They outnumber the client in their own home. They are to be avoided. When spring cleaning comes round next year, forewarned is useful, isn't it.

You have to learn the difference between who is a legal immigrant and who is not. One particular trio were booked for two days deep clean. They didn't do that, I called them in the next day and pointed that out, had them put the furniture back in the right places and so on.

Then I asked to see their work visas. You never saw anyone move so fast.

They were asking out of curiosity rather than for permission

OP, you were both as bad as each other. Just who do you think you are to dictate that only 3 people can sit at a table of 4? You really are quite seriously deluded.

I'd suggest you look at an alternative source for your cleaners then.

In any case, it has little relevance to the OP's situation.

They managed to find somewhere else to sit and there were other lone diners, so it obviously wasn't that crowded. They just wanted the booth. Never mind that somebody was already sitting there, it was only a woman and she was bound to leave once suitably intimidated.

Also they didn't know that the third space wasn't occupied. OP could have been waiting for someone, hence needing confirmation that there were only two of them, then they grab the other seat without bothering to ask if it's free? But OP's the entitled one, because how very dare she sit at a table to eat her lunch. She should have knocked herself together one of these mythical tables for one out of a cardboard box and some takeaway cartons, then all this unpleasantness could have been avoided.

I am not looking for advice.

My post was to tell the OP that I understood how she felt.

What is the point of posting on this site unless to show empathy with the OP? At least my support is a qualified post, given from experience.

Both of you ABU.

Him for doing his big man act, and you for taking up a seat for 4 in a obviously busy space where sharing tables is the norm.

I don't feel any empathy for the OP, who I think was confrontational and rude - an attitude she increasingly demonstrated in her subsequent posts. That doesn't mean there is "no point" in my posting in AIBU that I think she was indeed unreasonable.

She's already clarified that it's not a space where sharing tables is the norm. There are large communal benches which are shared, as in Wagamama, and smaller tables for individual parties, as in most other restaurants. She was in a booth, which wouldn't normally be considered communal. You might be willing to share it with one other person at busy times, but it's unreasonable to expect anyone to give it up to someone else's group.

the couple were both being unreasonable as they lied and said it was just two of them. For all they knew you had a friend about to come and sit next to you. However in places like that when busy I would expect to share my table and don’t think I’d have been able to tell them to get up and go.

Mn is most definitely not about automatic empathy with posters. It’s a discursive forum. If you want a head tilt and platitude with side order empathy you’ll not find it on mn

The OP was enjoying a meal on her own at a table for four people. Two people asked if they could sit down, and she said they could. They were a man and a woman, probably married.

Then a third person joined the table who was known to the other two. They started up a conversation which intimidated the OP.

She felt outnumbered and intimidated, and on the defensive. Who knows, but there was a third person hovering about waiting for her seat?

Non unlike a car park problem when there is only one empty space.

I hope you never have cause to be outnumbered, or intimidated, or both. It is quite a frightening situation, and people should learn from it.

As a general comment after reading - not all - the posts, I observe that many people cannot recognise intimidation when the see it.

Perhaps that is what is wrong with society today? They do not recognise - or do not want to recognise - a scenario where a group of people can intimidate a lone person if that person has what they want.

It matters not what it is about specifically. It is all about recognising the Modus Operandi of how a group of people can dominate in any situation.

That’s quite a descriptive narrative. For an event that wasn’t like that
Op has actually said she’s stridentat work takes no shite and she vociferously asserted herself
You’re describing a diffident unassuming women who was imposed upon by group of three

I thought I was describing a situation. In the OP's case she felt the need to stand up against them when she recognised what was going on.

I do not blame her for that, but I have yet to cast my vote. For my own part, recognising friction, I would have left the table with my meal, walked a few steps and continued the meal standing up in full view of the table. I cannot physically do that, but it is what I would have done.

I would have watched the scene unfold, to see if a fourth person was waiting in the wings, so to speak, to occupy her seat when she left it. I would hope to have engendered some sort of sympathy from them.

I take the point of view that the OP was defending her right to eat her meal in peace without being interrupted by the conversation when a third person joined the table. That would ring alarm bells for me, enough to leave them to it, because I would have suspected a fourth person waiting to join the group.

Were they eating?

I felt empathy because I have been in a situation where I was made uncomfortable being outnumbered, and intimidated.

It is the situation I empathise with. It has not the reaction of the OP, which is why I have not voted yet.

Communism and socialism are alive and thriving. Posters obviously adore being told what to do.

Doesn't anyone realise that in some locations, under some governments, even families split up because one table has to be full before the next is 'loaded'?

He was rude and aggressive and out of order. You were entitled and selfish and out of order. You can’t expect 3 other customers to eat standing up because you want a large table to yourself. It’s being greedy, not standing up for yourself.

I do not appreciate what your post is supposed to convey, apart from the obvious snipe and snear. If you are using me to hijack the thread, please do not. I have your measure. You do, however, seem to have learned something from my post, in blaming me for not knowing in advance what to expect.

I did not expect them to be non English speaking without work permits. I also expected them to know how to clean. They obviously think cobwebs and dust are normal. I did not pay them. They said at the start that if they were not satisfactory, I would not have to pay them, so I didn't.

It was not my purpose in posting to draw attention to myself. In any case it happened a few years ago. I learned a valuable lesson then, and I rather thought it might help others.

It was an experience which helped me understand a little of what the OP was trying to explain. As I said, I would have got up, with my meal and stood and ate it near them rather than argue the toss, which is why I have not voted. As it is, I would not have been in a restaurant because few of them have room for a wheelchair, so the occasion would not arrise.

especially if it looked as though there might have been a fourth person...

It's full of trollers who cannot appreciate a discussion, but pick up on something and gnaw at it.