Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

She chose a table for 4 as a solo diner and expected to occupy it solely whilst cafe was evidently busy. You share table if you under occupy, just how it goes. Don’t like it? Don’t sit at a table for 4 as a solo diner

you were both wrong,
you shouldnt have expected to sit on your own at a table for 4, and then demanded they leave when there were 3 of them,
he shouldnt have reacted the way he did.
i guess it is the heat?

Ah so OP sat at a type of table that would be ideal for a 4 who knew each other well . If it was that busy at a market and I was on my own, where tables are a free for all and sitting next to strangers isn’t unusual, I would have been considerate and not taken up that “booth” In the first place. Which was probably that rude man’s point

Agree with this, (guessing from the poor wife's reaction this wasn't the first such similar behaviour from this prince of a 'man') - although I do agree that you don't 'own' the table, & they apparently went & found a free one anyway, so surely the issue is not really about 'table ownership', as many replies imply, but that the man felt it was OK to turn a polite request immediately into a nasty argument with a lone female. He could have been polite at the very least. No, OP didnt 'own' the table, but neither did he.
Unfortunately all too common these days (and yes, I know, also it can be vice versa - ie some woman are prepared to start a confrontation) - the way things turned out, the OP was absolutely right not to want to sit next to this hostile, arrogant & aggressive oaf, and I would feel the same. (I may not have been so brave, and perhaps start to have a coughing fit or similar though, and yes, unfortunately, maybe would have got my phone out to record it - yes, I do know.....that maybe doesn't turn out well....).....but if he was that unstable who knows what the outcome could have been?
And if a table for 1 was available when she got there, I am pretty sure the OP would have chosen that one anyway? I can't count the times that myself + BF have waited for a table to become available and not encroach on someone else's space. Especially before we even had bought our food. (she may have even left by the time they had their food?). Where is the kindness & manners these days? 🌹

Rude because she asked why he didn’t mention a third person? He was rude first by lying but she was prepared to share the table before he acted like he wanted a fight. Very weird that you’re ignoring his totally inappropriate behaviour.

And it is her ‘decision’ because those wanting to share the table always ask the person who was sitting there first whether they can join and the person says yes or no. No normal person just plonks themselves down at a table without asking that as more people in a party could be elsewhere (toilet, ordering at the counter, etc).

As a table for 4 and busy and they asked you, whether it was 2 or 3 would make no difference.

Sorry but you kicked up a fuss about one extra, which there was room for and also yes the man over reacted.

Personally I wouldn't have checked if it was those 2, you cant refuse people sitting on your table. Like on a train, you can't decide how many can come to your seating area.

Very strange behaviour form you and volatile from him.

But are tables for 1, or even just 2 available?? Maybe OP could raise that with the establishment in question?

Sharing a table with another lone woman is completely different from being kettled in by three strangers at a table you were at first midway meal.

that has to be the most unhinged thing I've read on MN.

Irrespective of what’s available @BluntPlumHam under occupied a table and expected to dine solo in a busy setting

You're very vague about this "third person" what was he/she/they doing whilst you and the aggressive man were arguing and the wife was trying to calm things down?

I think you sound pretty hostile and entitled, you'd really try and deny someone a seat that no one is using just to prove some sort of point?

So the OP felt she was being "bullied", yet drip feeds to say that she works in a male dominated environment and doesn't take any shit?! Ooookay... And then blindly states that by all the comments, she knows she was in the right! Clearly not noticing that the majority of us have handed her her arse on a plate! Deluded much? That explains a lot!

I think I would have kicked off if I'd been the bloke too! You can't police seating on a 4 seater table. It's neither here nor there whether someone lied about how many people there were, there were 3 empty places. None but one was yours!

Anyway, I have a cunning plan to prevent your obvious distress at having to share with (eeek) others, particularly the nasty men.
I suggest you purchase 4 meals, one for yourself and one each to occupy the other places. It's a win win all round - you get the table all to yourself by rights, no-one else gets a look in at all and the cafe owner is up in the takings!

Either that or don't eat in publicly shared places and picnic in the middle of a field, where you won't encounter any men that you can wind up into a state of righteous anger, by aggressively stating your ridiculous demands! More fool him for letting you bully him! YABVU and yes, you did start it all off.

This isn't a battle I'd have picked because I wouldn't care that much, but he shouldn't have lied either.

Fortunately no-one is sitting next to me at the moment though. Just had flu and sound like I'm coughing up a lung occasionally, so no-one wants to take the risk. I'm not contagious, it's just a lingering cough.

You sound so entitled. I wouldn't want to sit with any of you.

You're being absolutely U! The man shouldn't have been rude, but ... you had no right whatsoever to refuse to let other people use the chairs provided at the table. Three spare chairs = for three other people. It sounds like you were being unbelievably 'precious' and entitled, and that's what made the man get humpy. Your fault.

Your post beggars belief OP.
You and 'persona non grata' both sound as entitled and insufferable as each other.

On the other hand, perhaps you have Some deep seated (no pun intended) MH issues that you need to address, and this particular guy triggered you?

Either way, I do hope the two of you never find yourselves stuck in a lift together.
You'll either end up killing each other or .... making mad passionate love!! 😉

It is unreasonable - a nightmare.

I have the same feeling about the cleaning companies which are set up with three cleaners coming to the house to clean. One of them is always a male. They are invariably from other countries.

I had two different trios and a couple. I would not have them again. I felt outnumbered in my own home. I think I would have been if I wasn't disabled.

I cannot decide what to vote, though, because the situations are different, even though the feeling is the same.

Yes, I agree with not 'table claiming' but I wouldn't want to share with the aggressive oaf man either, especially if it was in a 'booth' type setting' mentioned - ie squashed in with Oaf man - there are politer and easier ways of going about things - no need for such a confrontation with a lady alone. A few kind words may have helped. eg - 'do you mind if we sit here?' - easy as that? rather than the 'you bog off and sit somewhere else alone ' type comments mentioned. He sounds like a total bully - if he had been 'nice' maybe the OP wouldn't have felt intimidated, & the outcome she spoke of could have been totally different. But we weren't there, so......cafes etc, maybe consider more tables for 1 or 2?? Maybe??

Or perhaps the wife could have sat next to the OP instead, as she sound like she has a sound mind and understands how OP felt with that aggressive bully next to her?? Hope OP still goes out alone and this hasn't put her off - do you all know how hard it can be sometimes to just go for a coffee alone nowadays?? (Even without 'table claiming'??).

You sat at a table for 4. What did you expect ? If i was with 3 of my kids/3 of my friends we would of sat next to you if we needed that space. public space is not yours… Hope you now realize what my toddler already know’s…

If you want to chat freely you do it in your house. In public no chat is private . 🙄

What does the fact that they are from other countries have to do with anything?

I doubt the OP is some kind of delicate little flower who's going to find it hard to leave her four walls. I think your concern is unnecessary.

WTF? There's a simple solution - clean your own house if you don't like "foreigners" and males as cleaners. Being disabled doesn't give you the right to discriminate against others.

There is also a huge difference between your home and a table in a public space.

You were outnumbered. Surely you knew that you’d be outnumbered when you booked that many people to come? It wasn’t a home invasion.

This is akin to complaining about being “stabbed” by an (obviously foreign) nurse… when having a vaccination.