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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

596 replies

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:22

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

OP posts:
RememberBeKindWithKaren · 15/08/2025 18:21

Nothing like that has ever happened to me so I'm not sure how common it is. Nobody owns the other chairs sadly .

PotatoRato · 15/08/2025 18:21

Dawnb19 · 15/08/2025 18:17

He was out of order. The fact that he's wife was apologising for him will suggest she agrees. If a man acts like that when he was asked to simply move makes me worry what he is like at home to he's poor wife. Seems he has a very short temper.

Well done for sticking up for yourself.

😂😂😂

Man wanting to sit in his whole chair = entitled
Woman dictating other people aren’t allowed to sit in chairs near her = not entitled

People often apologise to diffuse tensions and apologise to appease bullies.

ns87 · 15/08/2025 18:23

You both overreacted.

fetchacloth · 15/08/2025 18:25

YANBU without doubt. The man was an arrogant and entitled oaf who got what he deserved. Well done to you 😀
A long time ago I was married to a man who behaved like that and I used to cringe when he acted up like this but if I dared to intervene I knew I would pay for it when we got home. His wife may be long suffering and used to his behaviour but it's massively embarrassing and difficult to cope with. Hopefully she eventually sees the light and dumps him.🤬

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 15/08/2025 18:30

daisychain01 · 15/08/2025 05:18

Did the whole cafe stand up and give you a round of applause?

Best answer I've read so far 😄

MyJobNow · 15/08/2025 18:30

I'm sorry that happened and completely agree with your comments and behaviour, except from the line near the bottom, "Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in....". It would have been fairer to say 'Some men...', or perhaps, 'A few men', or something similar. Not all of us are like that and some of us even take pride in old-fashioned gentlemanly behaviour.

fetchacloth · 15/08/2025 18:32

BluntPlumHam · 14/08/2025 16:47

Yes precisely. Had he not been so hostile off the bat when I queried it I may have let them sit finished and left but it’s the rudeness/entitled behaviour to follow. I’m glad I stood my ground.

Show quote history

I agree, in a similar situation I would have been fine sharing the table but the fact that he lied about the number of people joining him and became extremely rude and aggressive afterwards wasn't acceptable.
Just because some men are more assertive and pushy doesn't mean they are always right.

beAsensible1 · 15/08/2025 18:34

ComeTheMoment · 14/08/2025 16:31

No but the OP was there first. The man/group of three could have been more gracious.

Gracious yes but it’s mad to think that no one else would sit there even in the third seat.

it’s in an open seating food market. You sit where you can eat and leave as nice as it is to have a free seat next to you it’s not realistic.

it’s like being annoyed that someone set next to you on a busy bus.

Username427 · 15/08/2025 18:40

I would have refused if asked. Its intimidating as a single female to have people sat around you on the same table in a cafe/restaurant. Totally different if you are sat with someone else and can continue a conversation and ignore people sat opposite you, To have someone sat on a bench beside me would be an invasion of my personal space when eating and they weren being insensitive to expect you to be comfortable with it, as the wife clearly understood your position.

jazzybelle · 15/08/2025 18:44

Unless there are no other seats, people on their own are selfish for taking a table for four. People do it regularly on trains.

Izyboo · 15/08/2025 18:55

YBU. 1 person at a table for 4, sorry but I find that so frustrating and actually rude.

Happened at a cafe I went to the other day. Every single table for 4 people had 1 person sitting at it. My family of 4 had nowhere to sit. Plenty of single tables and tables for 2 around. Staff thankfully said we could move some tables together much to annoyance of the other customers as those tables were heavy to drag.

OldMcDonaldHadABigMac · 15/08/2025 19:00

You were both unreasonable. What a carry on over nothing.

daleylama · 15/08/2025 19:08

legoplaybook · 14/08/2025 17:00

"You don't own the table"

Yes but the social norm is absolutely that you get exclusive use of the table you're occupying 😂

In what universe? There are a lot of ifs here, but if it was a market / food hall / department store/ Maccas environment, and there were no other tables the she was being unreasonable, and he was out of order. If there were other tables I'm sure they would have sat elsewhere. 3 is a bit much, but its eating lunch (?) at a market/caff not fine dining or dating. If you were in a busy place this would absolutely be expected and the norm .

Lilywc · 15/08/2025 19:10

Yes it was a bit much but you had no right to tell them who could or could not sit at the table imo.
unless you owned the establishment?
if the place was busy then these thjngs happen
you made the guy mad with your attitude

TheignT · 15/08/2025 19:34

BluntPlumHam · 15/08/2025 13:16

Nope but a breastfeeding woman gave me a quick reassuring smile. She too was sat on a table for four but not booth style a round table. Was approached by others throughout and told them no.

Anyway there’s a few that appear to be personally offended by my stance. Perhaps they too have been shooed away when they have tried to push another’s boundaries in public. The rest as I said earlier wouldn’t do half of what they claim online hence not a reflection of reality or they are confusing bench/large communal like tables with small intimate booth like tables. No one in reality would plonk themselves down at a table with people already sat and if they did they would be told to move on rightly so.

Norm in a market is to secure your table then get your food. If no table is available you wait for one or sit where there is spot in the communal part. One doesn’t join an already occupied table with a group of three. If you want a table then you wait for one. The exception being if it’s one on one and the person sat there says it’s ok.

Thank you for the engagement everyone & don’t forget to stand up to bullies ☺️

Show quote history

Not normal to occupy a table in a busy cafe/food hall when you don't have food. Very selfish. Only excuse is if someone has a disability. You've no right to a table when you havent bought anything. You are preventing the business maximising turnover.

TheignT · 15/08/2025 19:37

Just thinking this through, you were at a table alone, two people joined you and you had no objections. 4th person arrives at the table of three you aren't happy but other two are, it is no longer your table it is a table you are sharing and you are in the minority.

Beachtastic · 15/08/2025 19:45

Dawnb19 · 15/08/2025 18:17

He was out of order. The fact that he's wife was apologising for him will suggest she agrees. If a man acts like that when he was asked to simply move makes me worry what he is like at home to he's poor wife. Seems he has a very short temper.

Well done for sticking up for yourself.

She was probably just scared that OP might come after them with a hammer 😂

Insertcreativenamehere · 15/08/2025 19:53

You are occupying a 4 seat table, in a busy public place. You agree to two people joining you but then get cross when a third also joins……YABU

NewYearSameMe16 · 15/08/2025 20:29

Apologies if I’ve missed it up thread but I think most people have missed the point. OP didn’t tell the group to leave when the third person arrived, she asked them to leave after the man firstly lied about how many were in the party and then became aggressive when she said that he didn’t mention a third person.

The polite (not compulsory) response to being asked to share a table is yes, which OP did but sitting with two people to one side is different to being in the middle of three people having a conversation across you, reaching over you for condiments, etc. OP had put her headphones in ready to sit through that when the man became rude and confrontational and after that I wouldn’t have wanted to sit with them either.

TheignT · 15/08/2025 20:33

NewYearSameMe16 · 15/08/2025 20:29

Apologies if I’ve missed it up thread but I think most people have missed the point. OP didn’t tell the group to leave when the third person arrived, she asked them to leave after the man firstly lied about how many were in the party and then became aggressive when she said that he didn’t mention a third person.

The polite (not compulsory) response to being asked to share a table is yes, which OP did but sitting with two people to one side is different to being in the middle of three people having a conversation across you, reaching over you for condiments, etc. OP had put her headphones in ready to sit through that when the man became rude and confrontational and after that I wouldn’t have wanted to sit with them either.

Crowded food hall so she can't claim four seats for herself or even two. It's a business and they need seats for customers, she didn't own the table.

HevenlyMeS · 15/08/2025 20:46

Yes I must admit, I'm not well travelled but in every restaurant, cafe, food mall etc I've ever sat in, my family & I would be more than happy to make someone or some folk, feel welcome at a table we were dining at
It's unpleasant to feel unwelcome, especially when, of course, it's not customers fault there aren't sufficient tables to cater for everyone 💚

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 15/08/2025 20:49

Beachtastic · 15/08/2025 19:45

She was probably just scared that OP might come after them with a hammer 😂

Show quote history

Or cudgel the other diners to death with condiments

ridl14 · 15/08/2025 20:59

Not unreasonable for them to ask as you had a whole table of 4 but I totally agree, normalised culture of aggression towards women.

I get ridiculous road rage aggression from drivers that never happens to my husband. Case in point, earlier today I went onto a slip road near our village. It's an extremely short one, leaving a 30mph tiny side road onto a 70mph A road, and the slip road is round a tiny bend. So nobody drives at speed onto it because you literally can't see anything in your mirrors until you get parallel to it, so you have to stop the car, wait with the indicator until there's space to get onto it.

I had a white van almost drive into the back of me - I didn't stop suddenly either - (my baby was in the back of the car also), then sit hammering the horn and gesturing at me even though there was fast moving traffic straight along the lane I'd need to merge into, no gaps to do so. So no, I didn't feel like driving me and my small baby into oncoming fast traffic, against all common sense and the Highway code. As soon as there was a small gap, I took it.

I've been followed home in the car before and blocked in, had a car with tinted windows driving waving side to side behind me then pull up on my right side as I was indicating to turn right into a side road, blocking me until I got my phone as if to record him. On the street I've been physically attacked, had what seemed to be a homeless person come up and spit in my face, had a random man go out of his way to shoulder barge me on a very wide pavement - no other people nearby or obstacles.

I've seen a male passenger of another car (a Mini! Hilariously) get out at a traffic light to try and accost my husband who was driving - as soon as he saw my husband he just folded himself back into the car.

Well done for standing your ground, OP. It actually doesn't matter who was in the right about the table, there's no excuse for the aggression. We all know he wouldn't say it to a man.

NewYearSameMe16 · 15/08/2025 21:14

TheignT · 15/08/2025 20:33

Crowded food hall so she can't claim four seats for herself or even two. It's a business and they need seats for customers, she didn't own the table.

Show quote history

Why are people acting like there were loads of empty tables for one and OP ‘commandeered’ a table for four? It was busy, she saw a spare table which happened to be for four and sat down. When others wanted to join the table, she said yes and when the man was rude, she asked them to leave. She got there first, why should she have to move while eating or have to sit there feeling uncomfortable or intimidated when the man became threatening over a simple question ??

TheignT · 15/08/2025 21:19

NewYearSameMe16 · 15/08/2025 21:14

Why are people acting like there were loads of empty tables for one and OP ‘commandeered’ a table for four? It was busy, she saw a spare table which happened to be for four and sat down. When others wanted to join the table, she said yes and when the man was rude, she asked them to leave. She got there first, why should she have to move while eating or have to sit there feeling uncomfortable or intimidated when the man became threatening over a simple question ??

Show quote history

She was rude first. Not her decision if people in a crowded food hall can sit down. She didn't buy the table.

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