Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

I KNOW RIGHT

OP I think your response was awesome.

I get tired of women complaining after the fact they felt bullied, or uncomfortable or upset by someone and never saying anything.

You didn’t raise your voice, call them names and remained calm. Awesome.

Do you honestly believe everything people tell you? Even when they’re so obviously biased or an unreliable narrator? I do hope you’re never on a jury…

Oh why no negative and a wonderful example on how not to respond - negative, passive aggressive response and effectively calling me naive and stupid. Poor you.

They didn’t call you a liar. Just pointed out how gullible you are

You were occupying one of the four seats and the corresponding table space. The other 3 spaces and corresponding table space were available for others to use.

Do you also claim all of the seats in your row on the train, and the whole of a 3 seater park bench? Both bus seats in a pair of seats? The whole bench in the doctor's waiting room?

Ahhhh to be so self-congratulatory and deluded when talking about standing up to bullies, when you yourself are the bully.

Must be nice to go through life so unaware and clueless and not giving a fuck about anyone else. Saves a lot of mental effort when you only have to consider your own needs.

How can you possibly think it's weird to share a food table, haven't you ever eaten at busy food courts and food markets? When they are busy everyone shares tables and just avoids each others gaze. Your opinion and table policing is bizarre and embarrassing. Has this table sharing genuinely never happend to you before?

Being an entitled, unpleasant and selfish isn’t what I’d describe as being ~awesome~

But we’re all different.

Not at a restaurant, no, but busy lunch places like cafes and food courts, people do, in my experience. Perhaps not at a nicer cafe, but this sounds like a casual place. I have shared tables at food courts and supermarket cafes when it was super-busy. Also at busy Subway sandwich shops during lunch rush.

Another post to name call. No you just basically called me naive and stupid. Poor you.

It is naive to do that though. That is naive behaviour.

OP started a confrontation, was rude, has been rude on here, hadn’t remained calm on here, has demonstrated that she’s not a calm, reasonable or mature person all for you to witness. Despite that, she says she’s calm and reasonable and you’ve gone “she said she’s calm, she must have been calm”.

It’s perfectly fair that a few eyebrows were raised by believing something so unlikely to be true just because a complete stranger said so.

Going back nearly 30yrs now, I was out shopping with my 2 kids (ds8 & dd7), and decided to get a cake & drinks at the food hall in the middle of the indoor market. Sat at exactly that type of set-up - maybe 30 fixed tables each with 4 seats, fixed to the floor. The place was empty with perhaps 3 or 4 others in.
After 10 minutes a group of loud grubby builders came in, and stood there talking right next to us. Getting louder and louder and f-ing and blinding. I was just about to say something when one of them, covered in plaster dust and goodness knows what else, actually sat ON OUR TABLE, between my plate and my daughter's!
I went apeshit. He did get up but was snarling 'wassa madda widya' like I was being unreasonable.
My daughter, now mid-30's, still talks about it.

Nice pile on of the name calling. Well done. I don’t need an explanation thank you I know what I said. Just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean that I am wrong nor does it justify name calling.

It would also follow your naive comment that we shouldn’t believe anyone on here about anything at any time. How very sad and how very insightful of you to know that this one is naive but others aren’t. Please do let me know where you get this God like insight from.

No one has namecalled. You’ve made that false accusation several times now. Please stop making things up.

There’s a difference between never believing someone or even not giving people the benefit of the doubt (which should always be the case) and blindly believing something that’s blatantly untrue. If I wrote “I has realli good spell and gramma”, would you believe me?

OP said she’s calm, reasonable, rational and mature. She’s shown us that she’s not. Despite that, you’ve concluded she is. That’s naive. Calling naive behaviour naive behaviour isn’t name calling.

OP says that the extra 3 did not have their food. That would put a different light on it if they were standing there with trays of hot food. In fact that makes me annoyed when you are looking for somewhere to sit WITH your food and all the other tables have been bagged by people whose family is still in the queue.

I have found these responses absolutely bizarre. I wouldn't dream of expecting to share someone's table and would be pretty pissed off if they sat with me.

The only time I can think of it happening was in a busy Holiday Inn at a buffet breakfast when a woman sat down at the table we were using while DH and DCs were getting more food. I told her we were using all the seats and she went away - thought she was rude for not asking first.

This happens literally every day in London food markets and food courts at lunchtime. Places are very busy and any spare seat is fair game, whether you like it or not. Attempts to police a table in the manner that OP describes would just be totally ignored. People would just sit down regardless of her reaction.

OP was quite happily eating her food and listening to her music/podcast/audio book whatever. She could continue doing that, no drama. The drama only started when she felt that she could decide who else could sit.down...

😲

I’m a little confused. How many chairs were available? If there were four chairs, you were on one and three people wanted to join due to a shortage I don’t see the issue? If there were only three chairs and a chap came along and tried to get you to move along and leave your seat, that’s out of order. If there were enough seats for everyone, I’m not sure why make a big deal?

Indeed!

4 people sitting at a table for 4?
Although he does sound a bitof a bell end, I think you were unreasonable for trying to dictate how many people can sit at a table.

Sole occupancy of a 4-seater table is hardly 'personal space'. WHO did you say was being 'hostile and entitled'?

Six of one and half a dozen of the other. Man should have kept his hair on and OP was very entitled.

I was at a National Trust property the other day and a couple asked if they could share my table. Of course! I can’t hog a table for four. And it is a nightmare in a food court/market type place if there is no space when you’ve got a tray.

This you can't expect to sit on your own at a table for 4 at a busy time and there's nowhere to sit.

He was out of order. The fact that he's wife was apologising for him will suggest she agrees. If a man acts like that when he was asked to simply move makes me worry what he is like at home to he's poor wife. Seems he has a very short temper.

Well done for sticking up for yourself.