Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

This 100%
You don't own the rights to the table... sounds like a public eating area.
They have as much right to sit there as you without even asking your 'permission'

Yeah it’s almost like people are different.

seriously you can’t be that surprised, if someone is out with two friends on a nice day, that they would prefer a random person didn’t sit at the spare seat at their table in the pub or train or whatever. Whilst as I have said, you cannot and should not stop them, it changes the whole dynamic. You can’t chat freely etc.

Agree, the third person rocking up was a bit much but it wasn't YOUR table, you are only borrowing it for the time of using it.
He was a knob for trying to be Billy Big Balls but you had no right to demand they leave either.
There was no need to escalate this, you had headphones and could have got on with what you were doing - eating your food.
It was busy and you were one person at a four person table so under the circumstances yabu.
The only one who I feel for is the w and I have to wonder what her life is like.

Preference is fine. Being hostile isn’t. HTH

No one, literally not one person, said they were surprised that people would prefer not to share. They said they were surprised by that people were hateful and hostile about it.

In the same vein, I would prefer not to have to queue but I’m not hateful or hostile to the people ahead of me - it’s because I’m capable of realising other people exist and matter just as much as I do.

This has happened to me and we've managed to continue to chat freely
I'd actually say it's a great British trait: the ability to sit in close proximity to people you don't know and for both parties to politely behave as though the other doesn't exist.

Where did I say I was hateful or hostile?? I said I’d avoid the situation as far as I could, but I’m not hateful or hostile to anyone! And the poster I quoted is literally surprised by it:

Just find it odd that people seem so hateful/resentful of other people sharing a public facility/space with them for a few hours

I didn't say 'surprised', I said 'I find it odd' and 'a bit unsettling'.

There's nothing wrong with a preference but it's on you to choose your environments to suit you. I personally don't like eating inside around dogs, it wouldn't be reasonable for me to go to a dog friendly place and tell someone that they couldn't sit at the table next to me with their dog. When you choose to go somewhere you have to accept the rules and norms of the place rather than make up your own rules and expect people to follow them.

If I was standing with a tray of food I'd paid for and no free tables then yes I'd expect to be able to sit where there are free seats. I think anyone objecting would be very selfish and entitled.

Come on let's be honest, he wouldn't given a fuck what you think or even or even given it a second thought after the incident.
I doubt very much that you have made him see the error of his ways.🙄

100%. In London, where I work and these sorts of food markets are commonplace, people would just shrug and sit down anyway.

Asking if they can sit there is just a linguistic courtesy, they aren't actually asking for your permission because they don't need it to sit down at unoccupied seats. If you tried to tell them to leave, they would just ignore you and carry on.

I am amazed how many people agree with the OP. I wonder if people just don't go to food courts and food markets these days!

Seems normal to me. I live in a small town but grew up in a big city, maybe it's a big city thing and so we accept it as normal.

I grew up in a small town in the Cotswolds and now work in London, living in a larger commuter town. It’s been normal in all those places.

Good to know. I'm not sure about where I am. I live in a smallish seaside town, we tend to avoid places in July/August and the rest of the year it doesn't seem to be an issue. Not to mention very white town with a fair bit of prejudice so my brown husband probably repels them.

Nope but a breastfeeding woman gave me a quick reassuring smile. She too was sat on a table for four but not booth style a round table. Was approached by others throughout and told them no.

Anyway there’s a few that appear to be personally offended by my stance. Perhaps they too have been shooed away when they have tried to push another’s boundaries in public. The rest as I said earlier wouldn’t do half of what they claim online hence not a reflection of reality or they are confusing bench/large communal like tables with small intimate booth like tables. No one in reality would plonk themselves down at a table with people already sat and if they did they would be told to move on rightly so.

Norm in a market is to secure your table then get your food. If no table is available you wait for one or sit where there is spot in the communal part. One doesn’t join an already occupied table with a group of three. If you want a table then you wait for one. The exception being if it’s one on one and the person sat there says it’s ok.

Thank you for the engagement everyone & don’t forget to stand up to bullies ☺️

Well, that would be a bit like a pub, I suppose. I don't tend to eat in such places, though. But ask or not, the people were obnoxious.

I think we need an experiment here. Everyone who is so confident that this is normal behaviour should make sure to plonk themselves down at someone else's table and report back.

It must be a busy venue.

Not a fancy restaurant, but somewhere casual

You should either be alone and try and join a group of 3 at a table of 4, or else take your friends and try and find a booth with a sole occupant who will then have to ask you to move so they can leave.

Would suggest that if you are alone, you should phone someone and chat at normal volume so things are fair on the noise front.

If possible be a bit aggressive and lie about how many people are in your party if questioned.

You must not have any food yet and should make sure the existing occupant is eating already.

All normal in MN world 🤣🤣

So two of you felt that you were within your rights to refuse 6 other people a place because checks notes you got there first?

Hopefully one day soon you'll be the one hovering with a plate full of food whilst an entitled maniac refuses ( even though they have no right) your perfectly reasonable request to take a seat at a PUBLIC table....

You are the bully. People are standing up to you. You’re not ok with it. 😂

You do realise that several posters will go out and do this without even meaning to participate in your experiment because it’s a completely and totally normal thing to do…

Why don’t you go to a busy market today with no empty tables and ask someone if you can join their table? If they say you can sit, then change their mind and demand they leave - you let us know!

In fact, it’s so normal that even OP started off saying that this “often” happens as this venue and it’s so normal that OP wasn’t at all taken aback when they initially asked. Even OP isn’t claiming that it’s abnormal to share tables - she’s claiming that she is Queen of the Table and can kick people off. It was only when people like you started saying that table sharing isn’t normal that she jumped onto that viewpoint just to have someone agree with her on something.

Hear hear. Its not being a doormat to consider others in a public place because it is just that and you do not own all 3 chairs.

Not sure why no one did this earlier - I asked Google. Table sharing at markets is normal and, in fact, encouraged.

Cant believe there is such a big thread about someone sitting next to someone at a table just to eat some food. Non issue. I wouldnt think twice about it.

Oh, you don't tend to eat in such places.
This is all beneath you.
So sorry to have troubled you.