Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

I apologise for not @ing you or quoting you @Anotherbeeloudglade . Since no one else seems to be on the thread at the moment I assumed you'd know I was responding to you - there was no intention to slide under the radar.

Yes, I will feel free to have a different opinion. It's of no consequence to me whether you care or not.

Good, because I don't care at all about your opinion on my factual comment.

But I do care about not letting people (who in real life would never have the courage to say anything they say on these threads) attempt to hijack the last word and have never denied that :)

So we can keep going for as long as you like 😇

Did the whole cafe stand up and give you a round of applause?

I can see that that makes a difference and explains why you use the word “surrounded”. I would not want to be hemmed into a corner like that by a group.

What on earth do you think they were going to do? They just needed somewhere to sit and eat lunch. I doubt that they were going to try to convert the OP to Mormonism, or start an elaborate confidence trick for money, or something.
I'd take a wild guess that, if the OP was on the inside of the table and needed out before them, she could have said, 'Excuse me' and the person next to her would have stood up to let her out.

It is not the social norm in the UK to share tables
This again?
We must live in different UKs.

This is the problem. Your entire comment is opinion but you’ve labelled it as fact because you can’t handle a reasonable and rational discussion.

OP behaved disgustingly. If OP and the man swapped places then you’d still be praising her for being “assertive” when the rude, delusional, aggressive man “refracted his permission”.

It’s not “standing up for yourself” to start fights with people over things you have no right to.

But, yes, if OP had behaved meekly, mildly and gently then she would’ve received different responses. That’s not because being meek, mild or gentle is better - it’s because if you start being rude, aggressive and confrontational then you cannot expect anything different in response.

You thinking your opinion is a fact shows that you’re the same ilk. A bully.

How on earth do people cope with being on a bus/train with someone sitting on the outside of you? Or the cinema/theatre/anywhere where you might need to <<horror>> ask a stranger to move?

If this is the UK, then routinely we do not share tables with strangers in a place where we are eating evening if it is crowded and there are no other tables (it's not like a Lion's Corner House in 1930!). Sometimes OK to join a pub table if the tables are large - but one asks!
Again, I think some people live in a different UK to me.
In a market/food hall set-up it is totally 'routine' to expect to share tables at busy times.
And they did ask.

Why 'Of course'? It's a busy train. People need to sit somewhere.

A market / food hall set up is not the same as a restaurant, agreed.

I don't think it's normal to share tables in places with waiters but it is in self serve places where you find your own table.

'I would do anything f to avoid occupying a table of 4 on my own' does sound a bit like you're terrified of your own shadow, in fact.

'kettled in'?
You mean rather than 'sitting at a table with other people also having lunch'?
What paranoid little world do you live in?

This thread is so weird. A table at a market is very different to a table at a restaurant or a cafe. In a market you just sit wherever you want. Anyone who insists on one entire table for themselves would come across as weird and hostile.

Except you weren’t in Nando’s or Dishoom. You were in a market. Very different set up…

No. Just plain old antisocial.

yeah…I am free to prefer no one sat there but I am aware that I cannot stop them and neither would I try to 😵‍💫 That’s the point.

I just don't really get why people are quite so anti- another person sitting at the same table as them on a busy train or in a busy food hall.

You do sound lovely

Yeah I mean I don’t know what to tell you. It’s allowed.

you seem to be taking it awfully personally.

Just find it odd that people seem so hateful/resentful of other people sharing a public facility/space with them for a few hours.
I I guess I do find it personally a bit unsettling to think people are walking around feeling so hostile to others who are just doing the same as them – trying to eat lunch sitting down, or using a train to get somewhere.

Next time just say you are waiting for guests who are running late.

You were entitled and he was rude 🤷‍♀️

YABU for taking up a table for four, as a lone diner, and expecting to keep that table for yourself. If you want to eat alone, pick a smaller table. A group of three people needs a table for three or four, you don't.