Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

In ukWe do share tables it’s a common occurrence if it’s under occupied
nando,dishoom,cafes
server will lead you to the table for three or diners seat themselves if it’s free choice

Oh one most certainly sits at an under occupied table
one won’t be standing gazing forlornly at solo occupancy table for 4 when 3 need a seat

Well, the man was rude but you were completely unreasonable about the table. Of course people can sit at the table if there’s space! It’s not “your” table!

Seriously? You really think that women shouldn't stand up for themselves?

Who knew that you had to have a penis to be allowed an opinion.

It kind of depends if it was busy when the OP got there. If you arrive and there are plenty of two person tables and you ignore them and sit at a bigger table, that is entitled.

But if a 4 person table is the only one free when you walk into a cafe, then where else are you meant to go?

But I still don't think that sharing tables is in any way the norm in the UK. Occasionally yes but that's a far cry from the everyday occurrence that people are claiming it is. If there's no space you go elsewhere. The one thing that people might do is go for a smaller table and ask if they can take the chairs from yours.

What this is literally why I would do anything f to avoid occupying a table of 4 on my own. Because I’d hate to sit with stranger dangers and I am aware that I would not be entitled to stop them.

I think you have misunderstood. OP said yes to two people joining her table because the place was super busy not because she was super busy and doing a business proposal. From what I understand she was just trying to eat her lunch.

OP, I was on a train with my two kids last week. We had a table of four. The train suddenly became very busy. A man asked if he could have the unoccupied seat at our table. Of course I did not wish random man to sit with us, but you just have to suck it up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Would you have told him no??

If the shoe fits.

Let’s not demonise women with the pejorative term Karen. It’s a ghastly nasty trope
@BluntPlumHam is outrageously entitled and wrong

You're quite right! The place was super busy, not her. All the more reason not to be an arsehole about sharing a table 😂

Jeez this misogynist crap can fuck off

It’s a bit like folk on trains and buses who occupy seats with bags and belongings as if their bag needs a seat and they scowl at anyone who wants a seat.

what? you literally said in your OP that you've previously had solo women share your table at this same exact venue? so how can you say you've not experienced it in all your worldly travels?

I'm sorry "stranger dangers"? How old are you?
What do you think they're going to do to you in the middle of a busy market, take their little plastic fork out of their salad and stab you with it?
If you see every single person you don't know as a potential threat, I'm surprised you manage to leave the house alone at all, let alone sit on a 4 person table.

Yabu. Can't believe you could keep a table for four for one person if very busy. People share tables when it gets busy. Fact of life.

Out of interest - you say it was busy and that there’s an area of communal seating, bench style.

As a lone diner, when it was busy, why did you choose a booth for four people and not a space in the communal seating.

Do you think this was selfish and socially unacceptable, or perfectly fine?

“Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.”

It would have been, indeed. A man would have said “yeah, sure, pal” and let them join the table.
Another man-bashing thread?

“Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.”

It would have been, indeed. A man would have said “yeah, sure, pal” and let them join the table.
Another man-bashing thread?

Excellent way to keep the table clear. As long as you say "Now it's your turn to clean up after me" when you've done them over.

Oh I was being facetious 🙄 I just mean I don’t want to sit with randoms. I’m not actually terrified of my own shadow.

Jeez. Some absolute personality vacuums on here.

He was undoubtedly rude but so were you. Once you had initially agreed to share the table it wasn't yours anymore, it was being used by all of you.

You didn't have the right to 'revoke your permission' because at that point the (public) table 'belonged' to all of you.

I wouldn't have been aggressive towards you, but I wouldn't have moved in their shoes.

People can sit anywhere in a food court. They should have just sat down. Instead they asked, you were rude and he was rude back. Nothing to do with being male or female.

The table was taken because OP was sitting at it. As she the one using the space, it was down to her to decide whether other could join her at it. She was neither reasonable nor unreasonable to either share or want to be left alone. It was her call based on preference.
She did agree on the understanding two others would be opposite. She was then surrounded on all sides and decided no thanks, fuck this.

You handled yourself well, OP.

I wouldn’t even dream of asking to sit at someone’s table tbh. I’d just see it as already in use and wait for a vacant one or go elsewhere.

Op was in a busy cafe. She literally doesn’t get to decide who joins Her under occupied table. As evidenced by 3 diners joining her
If I’m in a busy cafe I’ll sit where there is a space I’m not diffidently waiting on solo diner at table for 4 who doesn’t want to be interrupted. Tough