Hostile and entitled man hijacking my table

[BluntPlumHam]

I stopped to have some lunch at a busy market where there is a lot of seating however often taken up so some waiting around.

Often a woman dining on her own or having coffee may ask to share a table which I always agree to.

I was sat at a table for 4 already eating.

Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.

I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy.

Seconds later a third person joins and I’m now encircled by their group. I took my headphones out and said hang on you didn’t say there were three of you?

He immediately got hostile and red in the face and said you need to go find a table for one person.

I put my cutlery down and said you need to move. He started blathering on about being allowed to voice his opinion and I just said no and firmly said leave because I wasn’t about to engage in a discussion or argument with this man child.

He started throwing a tantrum exclaiming that he’s not leaving puffing his chest out etc and his wife was trying to calm him down and kept apologising to me. He was clearly ready to have a stand off with me. I just turned to her, your husband is hostile, harassing me now and I want you to all leave to which she eventually said ok and that we will go find another table. He reluctantly left but not without trying to start a fight with me I just remained firm and resilient. Just kept repeating sternly you all need to leave now and find another table.

Wife was visibly embarrassed by his behaviour and grabbed my arm and sincerely apologised.

I just feel that a certain culture of general hostility towards women is being normalised in this day and age. Although I initially allowed him to sit there when I realised this was a group I revoked that permission but men can’t take a no for an answer.

Despite me doing them a favour and letting them sit there he had the audacity to get angry with me when I questioned the third person and tell me to go find another table midway my food. They did not have their food yet.

Men feel entitled to encroach and stay in women’s personal space even when bluntly told to go. Would it have been different had I been a man, absolutely.

AIBU for making them leave.

JohnTheRevelator · Today 18:10

"Amazed that 52% think YABU! 😱"

Yes, it should be at least 95%

He was wrong to get so irate and be aggressive towards you but YABU to think you own a table. You were also being ridiculous to ‘allow’ two people to sit on the table but not the third person when there were 3 empty seats!

In busy places like you describe, it’s quite normal to have multi-group tables. Yes, it’s a courtesy to ask, and also good to check that there’s the number of spaces there appear to be in case someone’s popped to the loo, but the answer should always be Yes if there aren’t any other spaces.

It’s not a gender thing or a man thing. It’s a you were unreasonable thing and you are scraping the bottom of the tired trope barrel to justify your entitlement and misplaced expectations @BluntPlumHam

There's another element to this kind of situation. Any woman who stands up for herself in public now runs the risk of being filmed and shamed online as a 'Karen'.

Price increase is for Private patients eg sourced independently not nhs prescribed

Having someone in front of you instead of to the side, and their legs in your space too, it's very intrusive if you don't know them.

Having 2 people to the side if you us different to being surrounded. Fuck that, I would have done the same. Well done OP.

Also the man lied to get what he wanted, clearly lots of people on this thread are fine with that but it really winds me up

You don’t own the table. They could have just sat down and not even asked you - and they probably should have done. They’d have done better to sit down and ignore your idiotic behaviour once you started up with the complaints. It made no difference whether three people sat there or two - what were you getting so worked up about? Outrageous and entitled behaviour on your part. I feel so sorry for them having the bad luck to encounter you.

Don’t behave like one, pretty easy situation to avoid.

It would have been interesting to see how this situation developed in real time. In principle, op is in the wrong, but there are a whole host of other variables at play.

She describes feeling surrounded when the 3rd person turns up. Sometimes we react on intuition and feelings. If the man in question gave off an aggressive air, then this may be why op reacted in the way she did. The fact that the other woman was so apologetic suggests she was also
aware of this or the man had previous form for similar behaviour. On paper op is unreasonable, but perhaps not if you were there experiencing it alongside her.

Do not be a solo diner at a 4 occupancy table if you don’t want other diners to join you
If you’re genuinely so,sensitised to proximity of others don’t over occupy allocated spaces

Joining in the YABU chorus. You can be a 'lone woman' and still be entitled. They might have misunderstood you when you asked if it was just those two and felt begrudged when you rudely rescinded. Also v biased language. 'Puffing out chest' and 'tantrum' indeed. They could easily describe you as rude instead of 'firm' and having a tantrum yourself!

If you were that bothered about sharing then say no in the first place, or look around for a smaller table and let the larger group have the booth!

Because with 2 people sitting on the other side of the table, the table creates distance and it doesn't feel like you are truly sitting with the other people.

Once a 3rd person joins on the same side, then the person on their own is encircled.

I would be OK with 2 strangers sitting on the opposite side, but I wouldn't be comfortable sitting encircled by 3 people.

It's interesting that this one has a 50/50 split between YABU and YANBU.

True; but I just can't imagine how mean-spirited you'd have to be to fiercely protect "your space" in a busy place where you're entitled to no such thing, and prefer other people to wait around for a seat while their food goes cold.

It sounds like "two bulls on a bridge" to quote my MIL 😂

It's not just about 'standing up for yourself' ...its about sharing. It was a table for 4. Entitled beyond belief. Grow up.

Nobody should be sitting down at an already occupied table unlessthe occupant is 100 per cent happy. It is not the social norm in the UK to share tables and in this case it was first come first served.

Glad you stood your ground OP.

Can't you read? What is the point of making up your own story when OP has written down what actually happened?
"Man and woman approach and ask if they can share my table.
I asked is it just you two and pointed at the seats opposite me and he nodded. So I said ok because it was super busy."

"They didn’t actually need her permission to sit down at the table."
Decent people don't just sit at someone else's table without permission. You must be a nightmare eating out, just joining anyone's table.

But a place for that is primarily for sitting and eating, not for being "super busy" unless you are putting together a big business proposal, in which case find somewhere more appropriate to work in.

Well, excuse me!

It sounds like there were no other seats available. It's not reasonable to expect someone to try to eat and drink standing up when there's a free seat available.

You can't expect to be able to sit alone at a table for 4 in a market hall at lunchtime, that's completely unreasonable. 😂

I wouldnt mind 3 people joining me on a normal table with chairs but would feel uncomfortable with a stranger sitting next to me in a booth where they would need to get up to let me out.

Now you're simply making things up about social norms. Busy cafe,food market nandos etc you will share if over occupy a table for 4

Ime, most men consider us to be here to look good and ensure that they get what they want. I've seen it time and time again where I work. If I dare to serve a woman first (if she was there first), some men are visibly put out & they'll let me know.

I don't expect random people to join my table in a restaurant/eating place. And though 2 is probably ok, OP found herself sitting next to a stranger, and an obnoxious one at that, who told her to move. This is poor behaviour.
If this is the UK, then routinely we do not share tables with strangers in a place where we are eating evening if it is crowded and there are no other tables (it's not like a Lion's Corner House in 1930!). Sometimes OK to join a pub table if the tables are large - but one asks!

If there are no unoccupied tables one goes elsewhere or waits - one does not ask to sit at someone else's table even if one person is occupying a table for 4.