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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

328 replies

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 13:42

NC’d just in case Blush

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

OP posts:
OnLockdown · 14/08/2025 14:37

Both men were grumpy arseholes. If it's the most convenient shop for you, I'd continue to shop there. I doubt grumpy arsehole number 1 will care either way.

Manxexile · 14/08/2025 14:37

"... The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear..."

So the shop assistant looked put out/grumpy but didn't say anything, your DH asked for his name - which he gave - and your husband called him a twat?

Did you and your husband return the items to the shelves?

I see no problem with the customer service but if It was my shop I'd ban your husband

bumbaloo · 14/08/2025 14:38

InBedBy10 · 14/08/2025 13:48

I agree with your DH. The shop assistant was out of order especially if you're a regular customer.

His age is no excuse for getting an attitude with you. I'm sure if it was a young teen girl behind the counter you wouldn't be making excuses for such rudeness.

Then you respond with maturity and dignity. Not call someone a twat.
one person being rude doesn’t change the fact that you are being ruder if you call them names.

Pluvia · 14/08/2025 14:38

Ah. You married a man who behaves like a little kid when he's embarrassed himself. Instead of just accepting he's made a mistake and apologising and quietly walking away, he tried to humiliate the cashier so that they feel bad. Being deliberately offensive to people on minimum wage zero hours jobs is not acceptable when you've cocked something up.

This doesn't bode well for your children, if you have any. If they beat your DH at a game or correct him when he gets something wrong, will he behave like that to them?

Wexone · 14/08/2025 14:39

MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 14:05

The whole thing could have been avoided by either of you apologising and asking if they could set the items aside while one of you goes home for the card.

It’s likely the cashier stayed silent due to your partners reaction when he noticed the card was at home.

100 per cent this why on earth didn't either of you say anything ? It does happen in shops often - Happened once before when shopping with MIL - this was before Google wallet - MIL had purse but no card in it and i had left my my husbands car - he had dropped me to MIL and she had drove - cashier put it to one side and we drive back in that eve

Nearly50omg · 14/08/2025 14:41

You aren’t a customer if you haven’t bought anything in the shop!!

AdoraBell · 14/08/2025 14:42

Your DH sounds like a stroppy 12 yr old.

Nearly50omg · 14/08/2025 14:42

Did you return the items you didn’t pay for back where you got them from or just left them at the till for the shop assistant to do that as well?

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 14:45

Can’t reply to everyone individually but:

I was sorting stuff and asked him to get it which he said he would.

Our marriage is fine.

We regularly pop out without a phone and I don’t have Apple Pay anyway.

I am still too embarrassed to go back in.

OP posts:
Someiremember · 14/08/2025 14:46

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 14:45

Can’t reply to everyone individually but:

I was sorting stuff and asked him to get it which he said he would.

Our marriage is fine.

We regularly pop out without a phone and I don’t have Apple Pay anyway.

I am still too embarrassed to go back in.

What were you “sorting”?

Sunshineismyfavourite · 14/08/2025 14:47

He didn't say anything but he possibly has this happen a lot and must get bore of time wasters/being shouted at etc.

Your DH's reaction to call him a twat was one of embarrassment - your DH didn't have the money at that moment to pay for the goods so he blamed the guy on the till. Pretty poor really and yep I'm be a little bit mortified and would not want to go back ino that shop again for a while at least!

HappilyDivorced89 · 14/08/2025 14:52

Meh...a lesson learned here. My take home messages would be:

1 - Just pick up the card yourself in the future (at least you'll definitely know you've got it instead of relying on DH)
2 - (not a take home message, but just something I would do) Just go back into the shop yourself to get what you were going to get - you didn't embarrass yourself, your DH embarrassed himself. Chances are people will have forgotten all about the whole incident

Floofle · 14/08/2025 14:55

I think technically if you aren't buying anything you aren't a "customer", so you can't really bleat on about "poor customer service"!

chaosmaker · 14/08/2025 14:56

I'm team shop assistant. Your husband sounds pointless.

steff13 · 14/08/2025 14:58

Your husband was rude. I would never call someone who worked anywhere a name like that, but did the cashier not offer you any sort of resolution? He didn't offer to suspend the transaction so you could go home and get your card or anything? I can't imagine a cashier here in the US just standing there looking grouchy instead of saying "okay well here's what we can do."

In fact I was at Aldi last week and the woman in line ahead of me, her card kept getting declined and she needed to call her boyfriend to bring her some money. The chair suspended that transaction, she put the stuff to the side, and continued ringing up the people that were in line behind the woman.

WillyWonkasPurpleHat · 14/08/2025 15:02

Not backing your H at all, he did go a bit OTT

But I bet that guy would have said something to a lone woman, sounds like a typical grumpy old sod who has opinions but only voices them to us unlucky women

Topseyt123 · 14/08/2025 15:02

I am gobsmacked that anyone can think the shop assistant was being at all unreasonable!! He wasn't. You and DH had gone into the shop without the means to pay for your goods, mainly due to DH's stupidity and failure to listen.

The twat was your DH here, not the poor shop assistant he verbally abused. I guess DH behaved as he did due to embarrassment, but that's no excuse. He should have owned the mistake and asked for the shopping to be kept aside while he went home to get the card. That's the mature way to handle this, and how reasonable people might behave.

For that behaviour I would now be pushing him to go back to the shop (with his card), get the shopping, pay for it and apologise profusely for behaving like such an arse earlier.

youalright · 14/08/2025 15:06

Wow talk about going from 0 to 100 over nothing. How does he react when their is actually a problem.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/08/2025 15:06

MamaElephantMama · 14/08/2025 14:22

The cashier didn’t do anything except for stay silent until asked his name. Did that warrant being called a twat?

It’s likely given OPs DH reaction that there was also friction we haven’t been told about between them when they realised they didn’t have the card.

Show quote history

Yes in our store our manager would probably say he shouldn't have been a twat. We're expected to be proactive to help sort any issues. Staying silent in that situation wouldn't be acceptable.

justasking111 · 14/08/2025 15:06

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 14:45

Can’t reply to everyone individually but:

I was sorting stuff and asked him to get it which he said he would.

Our marriage is fine.

We regularly pop out without a phone and I don’t have Apple Pay anyway.

I am still too embarrassed to go back in.

If you don't want to take a phone there are watches that you can use. Someone has to put your goods back now.

SockFluffInTheBath · 14/08/2025 15:06

I’m not sure how it’s poor customer service? He didn’t make cute chit chat when you went to the till with no way to pay, what would you have liked to see? People working in retail have wall to wall crap from the public.

justasking111 · 14/08/2025 15:07

Topseyt123 · 14/08/2025 15:02

I am gobsmacked that anyone can think the shop assistant was being at all unreasonable!! He wasn't. You and DH had gone into the shop without the means to pay for your goods, mainly due to DH's stupidity and failure to listen.

The twat was your DH here, not the poor shop assistant he verbally abused. I guess DH behaved as he did due to embarrassment, but that's no excuse. He should have owned the mistake and asked for the shopping to be kept aside while he went home to get the card. That's the mature way to handle this, and how reasonable people might behave.

For that behaviour I would now be pushing him to go back to the shop (with his card), get the shopping, pay for it and apologise profusely for behaving like such an arse earlier.

This sums up the husband.

MagdaLenor · 14/08/2025 15:07

Mulledjuice · 14/08/2025 13:49

DH was awful, is that normal behaviour for him?

Why do you appear to have only one bank card between you and no other means of payment?

And no phones!

youalright · 14/08/2025 15:08

Did the cashier have chance to speak or where you 2 stood their arguing and rummaging around in pockets and bags for a card.

AliceMaforethought · 14/08/2025 15:09

While I can see why you are embarrassed, actually your DH wasn't wrong. Well, maybe wrong to call the guy a 'twat'. But certainly not wrong for calling out poor customer service. On the few occasions that has happened to me, the staff at the supermarket were very helpful and just put the shopping aside for me to come back and pay later. I would be very unimpressed by a shop assistant huffing and puffing. I also don't think his age is an excuse.