To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

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NC’d just in case

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

It’s really difficult for retail staff though. How do you respond, because someone can take offence at anything and be really abusive to staff. I remember my retail job during uni; the public were awful.

If you laugh it off and say, “oh, we all have days like that.” Then someone can get offended at being made a fool of or being made a joke of.

If you offer to put the items aside for later, then the customer can get bolshy with, “oh, you expect me to come all the way back here? Obviously I’m not doing that, just forget it.” Because people get embarrassed at their own mistake so lash out.

If you offer to put the items back for them, then you get, “No; I still want them and I’m not looking for them all again when I come back, just keep them for me, obviously.” Because again, people lash out when embarrassed.

If you just ask, “what do you want to do” you’ll get a range of sarcastic nasty replies.

You could also just get a totally normal person who laughs along with you or offers up their solution quite happily, but you just never know. When people make a mistake, they can be so unpredictable and retail staff get so much abuse. Maybe he chose to just stay quiet and let the two people who caused the issue sort out what they wanted to do without offering his own thoughts .

Your DH was rude but so was the shop guy. You said he stood there looking annoyed and silent. At the very least he could have asked if you wanted the items putting to one side whilst you went home for a card. Your DH apologised and the guy still stood silent

Are you a customer if you don't actually buy anything? If you purely create work for the staff without any reward to the shop.

I had a small business once. The worst 'customers' were the ones I would call 'touch everything, buy nothing' - they would come in, move everything around, ask inane questions and use up far too much of my time. They would sometimes damage stock by handling it roughly. They seemed to think I existed for their social interaction/to assuage their boredom.

Some 'custom' you can live without.

What on earth are you on about?

They clearly intended to pay

If he called the man a twat, he's unlikely to be allowed back in. We'd have banned him as we have zero tolerance for abusing staff. Hope you've somewhere else to shop.

Contradiction alert.

He should be banned from the shop for being verbally abusive to staff.

Firstly, if you don't buy anything, you're not a customer.

Secondly, I'm not seeing any poor customer service. The guy didn't say anything. You just think he looked annoyed. Your DH should definitely not have been rude to him, he should have been apologising profusely.

Why not just go home, get the card, come back, buy the items? Seems like a lot of agro for something your DH caused.

I’ve done it before with petrol
the guy just shrugged, told me to get my usual coffee and water and pay when I’m next in
but I have been going there for nearly 20 years

The cashier didn’t do anything except for stay silent until asked his name. Did that warrant being called a twat?

It’s likely given OPs DH reaction that there was also friction we haven’t been told about between them when they realised they didn’t have the card.

Poor you stuck with him.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience

He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’.

Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

Points above from your own OP.

At what point from the above description did the shopkeeper deserve being called a twat by your DH?

Your DH was the one that left the card behind, even though you reminded him, yet he decided to put someone else down by name calling....clearly, although you may not have seen it before, your DH has no problem in showing how rude he is and is capable of turning his wrongs onto another person instead of holding his hands up and admitting he's in the wrong.

Your apology was worth nothing..

Your DH, well I'll not stoop to his level.

People are always asking me why I am annoyed and that is just my face tbh! I am smiling or I look annoyed. Your DH is a loud mouthed, tantruming, embarrassing judgemental twat.

You offered to leave your granddaughter as a deposit😂- the shop attendant probably thought you were after a bit of respite and you may not return to collect her - depending on age - i am picturing a 15/16 year old wearing goth clothes and lots of piercings😅

I agree though. DH may have not been wise but customer service is key to survival. The guy should have said he would put it to one side and come back later.

So neither you or your husband bothered to take some means of payment, cashier reacted badly and husband didn't cover himself in glory either. Why didn't either of you ask them to keep the items to one side whilst you came back to the store?

I don't think the customer assistant did anything wrong. In your opinion 'he looked annoyed'. Maybe that's his general look! The fact he may have remained silent is that he was waiting for you two to decide what you were going to do i.e. put the items back, run home to get money, ask to come back later.

I actually wonder if your DH was hoping to get the items for free, either from the shop or someone else stepping in to pay.

It does seem a bit ridiculous that two adults both go to the shop with no way of paying - who goes without their phone these days?! It was also a planned trip so not like you just popped in after a walk, forgetting that you didn't take anything with you.

I'm sure if it was a young teen girl behind the counter you wouldn't be making excuses for such rudeness.

We all know if it was a teen girl behind the counter we’d be clamouring over ourselves to say the husband wouldn’t have said that to a man 🤣

Your H is a twat and his annoyance at you both of you going into a shop with no means of payment, isn’t the cashier’s fault. I suspect your H is going to double down and act like the victim, urgh.

I recently did the same, except that I'd filled up the car with petrol! I don't think shop assistants should be expected to behave like cheery saints at all times. Your husband behaved very badly with his "twat" comment. He could end up banned from his local shop.

Did your h apologise to you for forgetting the fucking bank card? Classic incompetent man move to forget the one thing that you reminded him to do while you sorted multiple things before leaving.

Does the man have resting bitch face? When he was silent, that was the cue for you or your h to say what you wanted to do about the situation eg come back with your card in 10 mins, have staff put the stuff back …

I have never, ever in my life been rude to a shop assistant. But one was pretty rubbish the other day.....asked my ( male) partner " Does she want the other glasses?"

This in Superdrug, stupid, deliberately confusing "offer" on sunglasses.

The shop assistant does sound a bit twatty so i understand why your husband reacted the way he did. He made a mistake and felt shamed by the shop assistant (who knows if that was the intention).

You can continue to shop in there because you weren't the one who was rude. It was your dh. I'll bet he has no such shame about going in there again.

You went shopping, neither of you had any means of payment, when you realised that neither of you had payment you didn't start a conversation with the man at the till about how to wanted to resolve the problem and then your husband lost his shit.

How do the two of you manage in life?

This was just a minor cock up until your husband started behaving like a twat.

Those two things can both be true. No contradiction.

Why didn’t you have your own card?