Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

328 replies

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 13:42

NC’d just in case Blush

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

OP posts:
AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 14/08/2025 16:06

If we are popping out for less than an hour/to the shops we usually don’t take our phones because we don’t need them.

is there a reason you both have to go?

MagdaLenor · 14/08/2025 16:07

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:00

Stuff scanned and packed, ‘that’s £X’, turn to DH, ‘oh no, I’m sorry I’ve forgotten the card, I know you asked but I forgot’ ‘okay’, turn to man ‘I’m really sorry but I forgot my card’, scowl and silence, ‘sorry mate it was just an accident’ silence and scowl, ‘so much for customer service’ silence and scowl, ‘what’s your name?’ ‘X’ ‘okay thanks’ walks away ‘twat’.

No other customers around.

I would’ve ideally asked for it to be left aside but the man didn’t say anything and I felt like I’d inconvenienced him enough.

If we are popping out for less than an hour/to the shops we usually don’t take our phones because we don’t need them.

So you apologised for forgetting your only card. Ok. Did you suggest a way forward? Either a) we'll put the stuff back on the shelves or b) could you keep it behind the counter until we get our act together and bring the means to pay?

latetothefisting · 14/08/2025 16:07

Eyepoint · 14/08/2025 14:08

I think grumpiness in retail staff is often perceived. DH was already annoyed with himself and possibly a but embarrassed by forgetting his card and projected his feelings.onto the man, who might not have been gushing and over friendly, but probably wasn't actually rude.

Sadly, the man will have similar experiences several times a day, so is very unlikely to remember you.

agree.

He didn't insult you or roll his eyes or even say anything, just didn't gush over you saying 'Oh it's okay, no problem.'

Did your DH want him to lie? Because it is a problem! You've caused an unnecessary faff for them, and depending on the type of food might even cause them to loose money if it's cold stuff, because they don't know how long you've been walking around with it and if it's safe to put back in the fridge/freezer.
Who comes to a shop without any method of paying?! I know you've explained the circumstances, but it is a bit ridiculous that between both of you you had no phone, cash, bank card, smart watch, etc.

Making the petty comment about customer service is bad enough but to actually insult him is pathetic. Bet he wouldn't speak like that to someone in his actual workplace if he made a stupid mistake and a colleague/vendor/trade partner etc mildly criticised him. But he feels retail workers should be tugging their forelocks to him.

Digdongdoo · 14/08/2025 16:07

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:00

Stuff scanned and packed, ‘that’s £X’, turn to DH, ‘oh no, I’m sorry I’ve forgotten the card, I know you asked but I forgot’ ‘okay’, turn to man ‘I’m really sorry but I forgot my card’, scowl and silence, ‘sorry mate it was just an accident’ silence and scowl, ‘so much for customer service’ silence and scowl, ‘what’s your name?’ ‘X’ ‘okay thanks’ walks away ‘twat’.

No other customers around.

I would’ve ideally asked for it to be left aside but the man didn’t say anything and I felt like I’d inconvenienced him enough.

If we are popping out for less than an hour/to the shops we usually don’t take our phones because we don’t need them.

I'm not really grasping what sort of customer service might have been lacking? You didn't have the means to pay. What was he supposed to do or say to fix that? You didn't ask him to keep it aside for you, nor did you offer to return the items to the shelves.
Your DH was awful and rude and the pair of you need to get a grip with your single bank card. Honestly. It's 2025, one shared bank card is absurd.

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:07

@AmIHumanOrAmIAYetiwe like each other/doing things together when we can.

OP posts:
JamieCannister · 14/08/2025 16:08

chatgptsbestmate · 14/08/2025 13:44

I agree with DH that that was poor customer service
I think DH was thoughtless and unkind to you, to create a future issue for you, in that shop

This - DH over-reacted a bit, but not that much. But it was thoughtless and selfish of him not to take into account the affect on OP

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:09

We don’t have only one card. We have a joint account and I asked DH to pick up his one as I was sorting time sensitive stuff and wasn’t taking my handbag. He said yes that’s fine but got distracted by other stuff that was going on.

OP posts:
Someiremember · 14/08/2025 16:09

so when you say you were “sorting stuff”

You were packing up the 6 items?

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:10

@DigdongdooI guess anything other than silence and scowling but you’d have to ask my DH.

OP posts:
Someiremember · 14/08/2025 16:10

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:09

We don’t have only one card. We have a joint account and I asked DH to pick up his one as I was sorting time sensitive stuff and wasn’t taking my handbag. He said yes that’s fine but got distracted by other stuff that was going on.

Did you have kids together on this trip out? Otherwise… two adults seems very distracted and forgetful “sorting stuff”

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:11

@Someiremember? I was sorting stuff BEFORE we left and asked DH to pick up the card. At the shop I packed the stuff up and then DH realised.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2025 16:11

Why would you not offer to go back with payment?

Did you both really just stand there and say I forgot the card.. then continue to stand there?? What did you expect him to do/say??

I'm not buying that you only have one card for your joint account and absolutely no other method of payment for 6 items between you, and you both leave your phones at home.. the guy in the shop was probably too stunned at your joint incompetence to even say anything.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 14/08/2025 16:12

TBF...
You sound as bad as your DH.
You may think he's scowling...he may not.

There's no real reason for you not to have asked to have the goods purchased aside while you went to collect your card..
It's not up to the shop keeper to suggest that he did so.

Infact I find it difficult to comprehend that your DH knew he was going shopping, knew you'd reminded him, which he even admitted to infront of the shop keeper about the card yet still forgot to take it...

Shop keeper was probably thinking that you were just another pair of chances trying their luck.

Digdongdoo · 14/08/2025 16:12

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:10

@DigdongdooI guess anything other than silence and scowling but you’d have to ask my DH.

He's your DH, you'd have to be doing the asking.
Why doesn't he have a wallet?

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:13

@Someirememberit isn’t a case of us bumbling about forgetting where our heads are, I was in the middle of sorting something out before we left whilst DH was getting ready and I asked him to get it when we were both in the middle of something. The post you replied to does explain that I was actively busy when I asked him.

OP posts:
Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:14

@Digdongdoohe does but never uses it and just puts his card in his pocket. I have said to that he should use it in the past but this is the first time it’s happened.

OP posts:
youalright · 14/08/2025 16:15

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/08/2025 16:05

We have a 'saved transaction' button the till so we can clear the till and have a print out to scan when you come back with payment because this issue happens so often. So I doubt the shop assistant was THAT grumpy and annoyed, because it's such a regular occurrence. We just put the shopping aside and wait for you to come back and pay - it's not exactly open heart surgery.

Your DH was an utter pillock, probably because he knew it was entirely his fault and he was trying to distract your attention from how he'd forgotten the card. Make it someone else's fault, because they had a 'grumpy face'.

100% this people never take responsibility for their own actions its always easier to blame everyone else. People's perception of situations especially when stressed are usually way off. Its like when customers say iv been waiting 10 minutes no you haven't its been 40 seconds. Or when they have a go at you because they are running late, instead of thinking I need to plan my time better and give extra time for unforseen circumstances they think nope il blame the person in the shop.

Someiremember · 14/08/2025 16:15

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:13

@Someirememberit isn’t a case of us bumbling about forgetting where our heads are, I was in the middle of sorting something out before we left whilst DH was getting ready and I asked him to get it when we were both in the middle of something. The post you replied to does explain that I was actively busy when I asked him.

You were asked what you were doing whilst your dh had this exchange and you said “sorting stuff”

so the pair of you do have children and they witnessed their father behaving like this. Lovely

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:15

@Shatteredallthetimelatelyre the last part about us being chancers: on what planet would people try and get free stuff from a chain store for no real good reason? This is a high street shop, who would genuinely think if I say I’ve forgotten my card they’ll let me just have it?

OP posts:
Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:16

@Someirememberyeah but it’s irrelevant and none of your business frankly; I was busy. And no, we don’t, so you can take your assumption elsewhere.

OP posts:
Someiremember · 14/08/2025 16:16

So what’s the atmosphere like between the pair of you atm? Who will back down first I wonder?!

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:18

@Someirememberabsolutely fine, thank you for asking ☺️

OP posts:
Someiremember · 14/08/2025 16:18

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:16

@Someirememberyeah but it’s irrelevant and none of your business frankly; I was busy. And no, we don’t, so you can take your assumption elsewhere.

So no kids

You were sorting stuff at the till packing up 6 items (what a task!)
DH got distracted “getting ready” for the shopping trip and forgot
You were “sorting stuff” and also strolled out with no payment

Add kids in to the equation Op, and the pair of you will be leaving a trail of pissed off shopkeepers in your wake 😆

Shatteredallthetimelately · 14/08/2025 16:18

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:15

@Shatteredallthetimelatelyre the last part about us being chancers: on what planet would people try and get free stuff from a chain store for no real good reason? This is a high street shop, who would genuinely think if I say I’ve forgotten my card they’ll let me just have it?

It's not what they'd do...
It's what chancer expect...
Hence chancer

But to answer your original question yes, you should have been embarrassed...both of you. Your DH acted like a child.

Someiremember · 14/08/2025 16:19

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 16:18

@Someirememberabsolutely fine, thank you for asking ☺️

So…. Just swept under the carpet.

Sounds about right