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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

328 replies

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 13:42

NC’d just in case Blush

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

OP posts:
cosimarama · 15/08/2025 17:38

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 17:37

Apology accepted
you got it wrong and accused me of posting something which if you’d paused for a minute and read back… you’d have seen it wasn’t me at all.

Show quote history

I know. Hence my apology.

Widower2014 · 15/08/2025 17:42

You didn't take your phone, hubby forgot to pick up the bank card and phone.

Hubby got stressed at a grumpy cashier....

And????
It happens.....
Why didn't you check he had the card/phone before you both left

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 17:44

cosimarama · 15/08/2025 17:38

I know. Hence my apology.

Show quote history

Maybe reread the apology, it didn’t sound especially genuine.

However, I’ll take it you were being genuine, so thank you

CheekyDeer · 16/08/2025 18:38

It puzzles me how many your comments saying that the cashier's customer service was below par,just for having a cross look on his face and not saying anything to her DH, I work in retail and no matter how rude a customer we are not allowed to be rude back as we would lose our jobs, in turn we have to be polite that really annoys the customer, imho some of you would only last 5 minutes, if anything the DH was in the wrong as he was the one who forgot the debit card.

Rockchicknana · 16/08/2025 18:43

Murdoch1949 · 14/08/2025 13:51

One Friday after work I did my whole family shop at Waitrose. At the check out, after it was rung through I realised I didn't have my debit card. The checkout supervisor told me to take my goods and return to pay for them later! She didn't even want to keep my granddaughter as security. Needless to say I continue to be a Waitrose shopper.

I did this in our local Waitrose and they just kept the trolley of shopping (I'd packed everything before realising I'd left my card in the office) and I went back with the card and collected my shopping. I guess the man in the shop could have done similar, but it doesn't excuse calling him a twat!!

Madcatlady58 · 16/08/2025 18:44

Murdoch1949 · 14/08/2025 13:51

One Friday after work I did my whole family shop at Waitrose. At the check out, after it was rung through I realised I didn't have my debit card. The checkout supervisor told me to take my goods and return to pay for them later! She didn't even want to keep my granddaughter as security. Needless to say I continue to be a Waitrose shopper.

This reminds me of the occasion when in the run up to Christmas, I managed to leave my credit card at the till in the M&S food hall (without having paid!). I hadn't noticed - I was halfway home when they rang to let me know.
When I went in a couple of days later to collect it, grovel, and pay, they wouldn't let me, insisting "it was their fault", so I got about £40 worth of food free. Nice Xmas present, but I did hope the poor cashier didn't get penalised 🤞

San8 · 16/08/2025 18:45

The shopkeeper was a bit rude but most people would cut him some slack-poorly paid, boring job etc. Your DH seemed to behave in an arrogant rude and entitled manner. There is no need to be abusive and you have every right to be embarrassed by his behaviour. This kind of thing does not come out of nowhere-sounds like he has some issues that go beyond this particular incident

CommonAsMucklowe · 16/08/2025 19:10

Both as bad as each other really.

Lobberto · 16/08/2025 19:18

CustardySergeant · 14/08/2025 13:50

I think the man was entitled to be annoyed and he didn't say anything. Your husband was at fault. You told him to pick up the bank card and he didn't. Had all the goods been rung up on the till before he realised? So the man had to put all the things back on the shelves as well as cancel the sale?

Exhausting putting 6 items back. Just sounds like shitty customer service - they could’ve offered to keep the items to one side if Op wanted to go home and come back with a payment method.

JustMeAndTheFish · 16/08/2025 19:18

Murdoch1949 · 14/08/2025 13:51

One Friday after work I did my whole family shop at Waitrose. At the check out, after it was rung through I realised I didn't have my debit card. The checkout supervisor told me to take my goods and return to pay for them later! She didn't even want to keep my granddaughter as security. Needless to say I continue to be a Waitrose shopper.

I “bought” a couple of books in a shop local to where my elderly dad lives and didn’t realise it was cash only; just had my phone.
The owner, on realising that I have family locally and visit every three weeks, said just pop in next time you’re around.
I took a pic of the shop and made a note on my calendar.
There are some lovely people around.

Lobberto · 16/08/2025 19:18

CustardySergeant · 14/08/2025 13:50

I think the man was entitled to be annoyed and he didn't say anything. Your husband was at fault. You told him to pick up the bank card and he didn't. Had all the goods been rung up on the till before he realised? So the man had to put all the things back on the shelves as well as cancel the sale?

duplicate in error

Notquitethetruth · 16/08/2025 19:27

@abccdefg did you or your husband return 'only' 6 items to the shelves or did you leave them at the till?

Othersnotsomuch · 16/08/2025 19:34

I wonder if the OP and her husband are talking now!

and did they ever manage to get these 6 items??!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/08/2025 19:44

Murdoch1949 · 14/08/2025 13:51

One Friday after work I did my whole family shop at Waitrose. At the check out, after it was rung through I realised I didn't have my debit card. The checkout supervisor told me to take my goods and return to pay for them later! She didn't even want to keep my granddaughter as security. Needless to say I continue to be a Waitrose shopper.

Same, came to just over £200. All bagged and left in a trolly for me to collect once payment was made.
I did go back and was so grateful as had 4 hangry kids with me.

Also waitrose.

To be annoyed is understandable but to just be quiet/ignore the customer's mistake is poor service.

400rider · 16/08/2025 20:05

Have you or your DH ever worked behind a till yourself?
You weren’t in error but maybe you should have double checked the bank card was available BEFORE going to the checkout.
We have all been there, leaving a payment card at home, so the simplest solution would have been to ask the cashier to hold your items and return as soon as possible to make the transaction.

Your DH has embarrassed himself, not you….meanwhile you left the cashier with extra work and possibly a feeling of resentment for the day for a totally unnecessary comment

StarCurator · 16/08/2025 20:31

The so-called grumpy shop assistant may have suspected that you and your husband were carrying out some kind of elaborate scam, and his demeanour may have been due to fear of confrontation. There is so much shop-lifting and aggressive behaviour taking place in stores in Britain these days that being on the front-line in retail must be a nightmare. Your husband behaved very badly, and if I were you I'd go back to the store and apologize profusely.

Coconutter24 · 16/08/2025 23:30

Negroany · 14/08/2025 14:20

Firstly, if you don't buy anything, you're not a customer.

Secondly, I'm not seeing any poor customer service. The guy didn't say anything. You just think he looked annoyed. Your DH should definitely not have been rude to him, he should have been apologising profusely.

Why not just go home, get the card, come back, buy the items? Seems like a lot of agro for something your DH caused.

Firstly Op is a customer she goes in there twice and week and buys things. They also intended to buy on this occasion

secondly the guy gave poor customer service, you think he didn’t because he didn’t say anything but he did give poor service because he didn’t say anything

Sowhat12345 · 17/08/2025 08:25

Maybe your husband had things on his mind. People are allowed to forget their bank card. It's not the end of the world. The man in the shop should have been more understanding. I may not have called him a twat for looking annoyed but I think your husband was entitled to have said something/not put up with the lousy attitude.

Deathinvegas · 17/08/2025 09:43

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 13:42

NC’d just in case Blush

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

Slightly bad customer service, massive overreaction by DH.
I understand why you feel embarrassed going back in I would too.
For everyone claiming the store assistant couldn’t have done anything differently the correct response would have been ‘no worries these things happen’. Then to follow the store policy which a large chain store will 100% have which is probably to put the shopping aside in a desiccated cool place until you returned with payment. If the shop assistant wasn’t sure how to do that he should have called a supervisor, again most big chains it’s policy to have an assistant and a supervisor on at all times even in really small shops.
The shop assistant doesn’t sound well suited to customer service however that doesn’t excuse your husband’s over reaction. The customer service was bad but your husband was really rude. If the shop assistant wasn’t offering a solution you could have suggested a solution or you could have walked away.

Deathinvegas · 17/08/2025 09:59

EmeraldRoulette · 14/08/2025 14:00

So just looking annoyed is rude now? Do you want the shop assistant to play act a happy role all day long?

actually, I don't know why I asked that question. You probably do!

Show quote history

Sadly, that’s exactly what customer service is. It’s being really polite to people who are often really rude to you usually for things that are out of your control. All for low wages, anti social hours & poor job security. It’s exhausting but all necessary if you want a roof over your head and food on the table.
And before anyone says ‘get a better job’ lots of people can’t ‘just get a better job’ and even if they did someone else would be doing their old job so the cycle would continue.
Sorry @EmeraldRoulette I’ve gone off on a bit of a tangent, it’s something I feel quite strongly about.

Deathinvegas · 17/08/2025 10:03

Darragon · 14/08/2025 14:00

And before anyone says the checkout bloke was "unprofessional", working in a shop is not a profession. It's a shit job for shit pay with barely any training dealing with people who call you names for not being delighted at their inability to successfully use a shop.

I think you’re trying to be empathetic to the shop assistant? But you’re coming across as a bit condescending.

NewsdeskJC · 17/08/2025 10:07

I doubt matey will remember you. Might remember DH.
Just move on

Auroraloves · 17/08/2025 11:30

Am I the only person who finds the mute till
operater to be totally weird and rude, he could have said something?!

DH reacted (badly) to this weird customer service

I find it a bit weird that you both left the house with no phones or other methods of payment

BrickBiscuit · 17/08/2025 11:46

Auroraloves · 17/08/2025 11:30

Am I the only person who finds the mute till
operater to be totally weird and rude, he could have said something?!

DH reacted (badly) to this weird customer service

I find it a bit weird that you both left the house with no phones or other methods of payment

Surely it was up to the couple to 'say something’? They explained they couldn’t pay, made an excuse with an apology, then seemed to just, well, stand there. Surely them offering whichever solution they could deliver would have been appropriate. The assistant couldn’t have known they couldn’t either call a relative for help, go home and come back for the shopping, or think of offering to replace it on the shelves themselves. Wouldn’t any normal person have said “There is no way we can get hold of the means to pay. Shall we put it all back for you?” and repeat their apology? Surely not up to the assistant to run through the options for them and find out however each fits into their life story. Everything about this couple is weird.

Auroraloves · 17/08/2025 12:01

They did say something? They apologised. The till operator just stood like like a dummy. Completely contrary to what customer service is supposed to be.

He could have asked if they are coming back and know whether to waste his time replacing the items on the shelves. Or even just an acknowledgment that he had bloody heard their apology.