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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

328 replies

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 13:42

NC’d just in case Blush

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

OP posts:
oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 14/08/2025 17:59

I feel sorry for the shop assistant, having to deal with twats who have no means to pay for their shopping, & then presumably having to replace it all on the shelves.

TheRealGoose · 14/08/2025 17:59

Goodness I don’t know any adults who go out with no phones and no wallet/ purse to go shopping. Then abuse the cashier, a guy likely on min wage, who they’ve just given extra work to,by calling him a twat. I mean I’d get it if the guy called you a pair of arseholes or something . But all he did was look pissed off.

worcesterpear · 14/08/2025 18:00

Your DH went a step too far by calling him a twat, but he was right for calling out bad customer service and I would feel the same as him if he was just met with grumpy silence. At the least he should have asked what you wanted to do, but also surprised neither you or DH asked if they could be saved.

In the future, I'd just try to avoid being served by this worker for the next few weeks, and maybe your DH should stay at home.

cosimarama · 14/08/2025 18:05

MagdaLenor · 14/08/2025 17:27

Well, we don't know, I'm just guessing that he was waiting - in vain - for this couple to show any kind of initiative.
It doesn't justify offensive behaviour from the OP's husband.

Show quote history

Well, I guess in that sense we don’t know any of it, but we’re all responding to the op that says the worker was given an apology that he ignored. That’s what I think is beyond ill mannered. If we’re choosing to disbelieve that then that’s a different issue.

theresnolimits · 14/08/2025 18:06

Your husband was in the wrong, he knew it and he took it out on the shop assistant.

If I were you, I’d have a word with him about not making his mistake someone else’s issue.

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 18:23

@MagdaLenorwhen did I say that?

OP posts:
Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 18:25

I’ve spoken to DH and he said he was annoyed at the lack of any response when we apologised to him- ignoring us as if we weren’t there. He did say twat as walking away, not to his face directly. Not excusing it but that’s why he was annoyed he says.

OP posts:
MagdaLenor · 14/08/2025 18:26

cosimarama · 14/08/2025 18:05

Well, I guess in that sense we don’t know any of it, but we’re all responding to the op that says the worker was given an apology that he ignored. That’s what I think is beyond ill mannered. If we’re choosing to disbelieve that then that’s a different issue.

Show quote history

I agree, although - in my opinion - calling someone "a twat" is far ruder. I would say, offensive. Still, it's all subjective.

Moonnstars · 14/08/2025 18:27

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 18:25

I’ve spoken to DH and he said he was annoyed at the lack of any response when we apologised to him- ignoring us as if we weren’t there. He did say twat as walking away, not to his face directly. Not excusing it but that’s why he was annoyed he says.

But why didn't you or your husband speak up. You say you apologised but then both you stood there like a pair of lemons!

Why didn't you when you were saying sorry add something like we will nip home to get some money, can you put it to one side please?

Yes he could have prompted you (and maybe should have considering two adults have turned up with no means of payment) but you could also have equally said at the time about getting the money and returning or saying you will put the items back.

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 18:50

Someone like the OP’s husband is going to be such an arse in RL. And I bet an arse to the OP in arguments.

Don’t for heaven’s sakes procreate with him.

And as for the disorganisation of the pair of you… seriously, adult up!

cosimarama · 14/08/2025 18:53

MagdaLenor · 14/08/2025 18:26

I agree, although - in my opinion - calling someone "a twat" is far ruder. I would say, offensive. Still, it's all subjective.

Show quote history

Quite - the husband let himself get riled up by the man’s behaviour but the op wasn’t ’who was more offensive - my husband or the employee’. A lot of posts seem to be suggesting it’s normal to pretend someone isn’t there when they’re saying sorry to you and the husband should expect to be contemptuously ignored for forgetting his card. The couple apparently shop there regularly - would the owner of the store support this kind of response to their customers?

As an aside, wondering which nice chain shop this is that doesn’t sell food.

MiddleLifeCrisisorWhat · 14/08/2025 18:54

I'm not the only one wondering why on earth you'd go to the shop without your phones? Surely?

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 18:57

MiddleLifeCrisisorWhat · 14/08/2025 18:54

I'm not the only one wondering why on earth you'd go to the shop without your phones? Surely?

It’s a miracle they even made it out the door by the sounds of it

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 18:58

MiddleLifeCrisisorWhat · 14/08/2025 18:54

I'm not the only one wondering why on earth you'd go to the shop without your phones? Surely?

It’s a miracle they even made it out the door by the sounds of it

LittleMrsExhausted · 14/08/2025 19:00

So DH messed up and forgot the card you asked him to.
So he verbally abused a staff member (who granted may/may not have had the best customer service) who is just trying to make a living.
Quite shit to be honest.

BrickBiscuit · 14/08/2025 19:29

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 18:25

I’ve spoken to DH and he said he was annoyed at the lack of any response when we apologised to him- ignoring us as if we weren’t there. He did say twat as walking away, not to his face directly. Not excusing it but that’s why he was annoyed he says.

13:42 we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’ [presumably husband to assistant].
16:00 ‘that’s £X’, turn to DH, ‘oh no, I’m sorry I’ve forgotten the card, I know you asked but I forgot’ [husband to you] ‘okay‘ [you to husband], turn to man ‘I’m really sorry but I forgot my card’ [presumably you to assistant?], scowl and silence, ‘sorry mate it was just an accident’ [husband to assistant].
16:28 I apologised to the man when DH said he forgot the card but that was my only input in the conversation [you to assistant].

I hate to be all Miss Marple about it, but we only appear to have one single 'sorry, but' from your husband, the 'accident' excuse, one of those non-apologies avoiding ownership and responsibility (a bit like your lack of offering any solution). You were lucky to get stony silence. You were a pair of twats.

PinkArt · 14/08/2025 19:36

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 18:25

I’ve spoken to DH and he said he was annoyed at the lack of any response when we apologised to him- ignoring us as if we weren’t there. He did say twat as walking away, not to his face directly. Not excusing it but that’s why he was annoyed he says.

Did either of you say anything to him between the apology and calling him a twat? Do you say you'd put the things back? Or ask if they could be put to one side while you nipped back for a card?

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:42

PinkArt · 14/08/2025 19:36

Did either of you say anything to him between the apology and calling him a twat? Do you say you'd put the things back? Or ask if they could be put to one side while you nipped back for a card?

Show quote history

no

Op stood there like a lemon
DH went straight from sorry to twat

Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 19:49

We didn’t have time to go home and come back unfortunately. Hence not suggesting it.

OP posts:
Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 19:50

@MiddleLifeCrisisorWhatbecause why would I need it? We knew what we needed and it’s nice to have a break from technology.

OP posts:
Original poster
abccdefg · 14/08/2025 19:52

@LittleMrsExhaustedim not excusing DH but we apologised and were ignored which is what annoyed him. He said the last part after we started walking away.

OP posts:
Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:53

The pair of you went out together to buy 6 items from the shop

Could not one of you hopped in car and picked up these 6 things on your own?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/08/2025 19:53

Sometimes it is better to say nothing, nothing at all

and that applies to the shop assistant and your husband...

Moonnstars · 14/08/2025 20:02

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 19:49

We didn’t have time to go home and come back unfortunately. Hence not suggesting it.

Then in your apology you should have said this. 'I am really sorry but I'm afraid we have forgotten the bank card, we will put the items back'.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 14/08/2025 20:07

The way someone treats supermarket, resaurant and other service staff tell you almost everything you need to know about them. This should be a massive red flag but I assume OP already knows what this oaf is like.