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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed by DH in shop?

328 replies

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 13:42

NC’d just in case Blush

DH and I popped into the only decent shop in our town this morning. I had asked him to pick up the bank card before we left and he said he would. We go into the shop, pick up what we need (6 items non food). Checkout and DH realises he’s forgotten the bank card. We didn’t bring phones or anything.

The man on the till (there are no self service tills) didn’t say anything but did look extremely put out/grumpy when we apologised for the inconvenience. He was silent and visibly annoyed and DH said ‘it was just an accident you know’. The man didn’t say anything, still looked annoyed, and DH said ‘so much for customer service’. When we started to walk away, he turned round and asked for the man’s name which he told him. Then DH walked away saying that he was a twat, loud enough for him to hear.

I was mortified. DH was annoyed that I was okay with ‘being treated poorly’ by someone for no good reason. The man was in his mid 60’s I’d say and working in what I assume is a sometimes physically challenging retail role and to be honest, his reaction didn’t bother me. I go into that shop about twice a week on average and now don’t want to go back. It’s not a big shop so if the man was working he’d definitely see me and most likely be on the till. AIBU to be annoyed by DH’s reaction?

OP posts:
BrickBiscuit · 14/08/2025 20:13

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 14/08/2025 20:07

The way someone treats supermarket, resaurant and other service staff tell you almost everything you need to know about them. This should be a massive red flag but I assume OP already knows what this oaf is like.

Precisely. I had a hotel booking for family last month. We changed guests part-way through. I got concierge to request a room refresh. The housekeeper actually left me a thank-you note for the way I'd handled the request!

Shatteredallthetimelately · 14/08/2025 20:18

Did you just stand there waiting for the shop assistant to make a decision as to what to do.

What was you expecting the shop keeper to say when your DH said "it was a mistake you know"?

It wasn't his mistake to put right.

FitAt50 · 14/08/2025 20:25

"The Bank Card"??? Do you not have a card each and why is it not in wallet/purse etc. Poor shop assistant.

youalright · 14/08/2025 20:25

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 14/08/2025 20:07

The way someone treats supermarket, resaurant and other service staff tell you almost everything you need to know about them. This should be a massive red flag but I assume OP already knows what this oaf is like.

100%

Moonnstars · 14/08/2025 20:27

Shatteredallthetimelately · 14/08/2025 20:18

Did you just stand there waiting for the shop assistant to make a decision as to what to do.

What was you expecting the shop keeper to say when your DH said "it was a mistake you know"?

It wasn't his mistake to put right.

Yes it seems a bit odd they were waiting for him to say something.. especially now the OP has said she wasn't going to go home and get some form of payment. It was up to them to say they didn't want the items/were unable to pay/offer to put them back/ask him to put them back

Livpool · 14/08/2025 20:36

My friend works in a shop part time and states she has resting bitch face (she laughs about it!). She said (mostly men) tell her to cheer up or say she needs customer service training. Assume they want a grinning idiot.

OP’s husband was extremely unreasonable. He did something which is caused inconvenience and the man was supposed to laugh about! He didn’t and was verbally abused

cosimarama · 14/08/2025 20:59

It probably all took place over about 10 seconds, with part of that interaction being the weirdness of trying to speak to a shop worker who suddenly started pretending they weren’t there. As though that’s a normal response.

Also wonder if there’s a bit of inverse snobbery infantilising and pitying retail staff from people who’ve never worked on a shop floor or know anyone who does. It’s minimum wage, yes, that doesn’t mean it’s ok to be a dick. Putting back six items you’ve rung up isn’t a big deal. You get paid by the hour. Far more annoying things happen in shops. He just needed to say a polite version of oh dear, move along then.

MagdaLenor · 14/08/2025 21:06

Yeah, being called a twat isn't great though.

cosimarama · 14/08/2025 21:15

No, responding to bad behaviour with bad behaviour isn’t great. That’s why both men were in the wrong - if op is to be believed. Though I’d rather be called a twat if I’d been one than have somebody ask my name to presumably write to head office or whatever.

DurinsBane · 14/08/2025 21:40

Othersnotsomuch · 14/08/2025 19:53

The pair of you went out together to buy 6 items from the shop

Could not one of you hopped in car and picked up these 6 things on your own?

Sometimes it is nice to go (and walk!) places together, even just to the shop?

Scarylett · 14/08/2025 23:36

So did you offer to put the items back on the shelf? Or did you just leave them for him to do.

sandyhappypeople · 15/08/2025 00:14

abccdefg · 14/08/2025 19:50

@MiddleLifeCrisisorWhatbecause why would I need it? We knew what we needed and it’s nice to have a break from technology.

You can have a break from technology and still have your phone with you, I don't actually believe that neither of you had your phones and would only have gone out with a debit card in one of your pockets?

And saying "why would I need a phone" is a what if someone ran into the back of you and you needed to take pictures, what if someone in your family urgently needed to contact you, what if someone collapsed in front of you or one of you fell ill, what if you needed it as an alternative means of payment???

Nobody needs their phone, until they actually need it, which is why most people carry theirs around with them, you never know when you might need it.. saying you don't need it when you quite clearly did need it is bizarre.

And why have you only got one debit card between you, yet it's for a joint account? Such a weird story.

derxa · 15/08/2025 00:20

sandyhappypeople · 15/08/2025 00:14

You can have a break from technology and still have your phone with you, I don't actually believe that neither of you had your phones and would only have gone out with a debit card in one of your pockets?

And saying "why would I need a phone" is a what if someone ran into the back of you and you needed to take pictures, what if someone in your family urgently needed to contact you, what if someone collapsed in front of you or one of you fell ill, what if you needed it as an alternative means of payment???

Nobody needs their phone, until they actually need it, which is why most people carry theirs around with them, you never know when you might need it.. saying you don't need it when you quite clearly did need it is bizarre.

And why have you only got one debit card between you, yet it's for a joint account? Such a weird story.

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It really is.

KandyKrush · 15/08/2025 01:42

Could be worse. He could have stuck two fingers up at him and run away…

KandyKrush · 15/08/2025 01:43

The people questioning why both of them had to go to the shop 😂 fuck all the way off. That’s just being an arsehole for the sake of it.

MenopauseSucks · 15/08/2025 04:47

BeltaLodaLife · 14/08/2025 14:16

It’s really difficult for retail staff though. How do you respond, because someone can take offence at anything and be really abusive to staff. I remember my retail job during uni; the public were awful.

If you laugh it off and say, “oh, we all have days like that.” Then someone can get offended at being made a fool of or being made a joke of.

If you offer to put the items aside for later, then the customer can get bolshy with, “oh, you expect me to come all the way back here? Obviously I’m not doing that, just forget it.” Because people get embarrassed at their own mistake so lash out.

If you offer to put the items back for them, then you get, “No; I still want them and I’m not looking for them all again when I come back, just keep them for me, obviously.” Because again, people lash out when embarrassed.

If you just ask, “what do you want to do” you’ll get a range of sarcastic nasty replies.

You could also just get a totally normal person who laughs along with you or offers up their solution quite happily, but you just never know. When people make a mistake, they can be so unpredictable and retail staff get so much abuse. Maybe he chose to just stay quiet and let the two people who caused the issue sort out what they wanted to do without offering his own thoughts .

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This. Retail staff are getting so much shit now, you never know how customers are going to react.
it sounds like your husband would’ve been a prick at any option offered by the staff to cover his embassrassment so the staff member was fully justified in keeping quiet…

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 06:43

KandyKrush · 15/08/2025 01:43

The people questioning why both of them had to go to the shop 😂 fuck all the way off. That’s just being an arsehole for the sake of it.

Given they both seemed to have been so flummoxed with “sorting stuff” and “getting ready” for this big trip out to get 6 items that both forgot wallets and neither bought phones…. I suspect they maybe only ever go out together for safety reasons!

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 06:45

DurinsBane · 14/08/2025 21:40

Sometimes it is nice to go (and walk!) places together, even just to the shop?

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And what a lovely trip out this was

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 06:45

DurinsBane · 14/08/2025 21:40

Sometimes it is nice to go (and walk!) places together, even just to the shop?

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And what a lovely trip out this was

BrickBiscuit · 15/08/2025 07:10

DurinsBane · 14/08/2025 21:40

Sometimes it is nice to go (and walk!) places together, even just to the shop?

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… and fuck somebody else’s day up by forgetting what you need for said shop and being rude about it. Nice.

SadTimesInFife · 15/08/2025 07:32

Can I be the first to say LTB?!

TickettyBoo · 15/08/2025 08:44

Some really twatish comments on here 😆 Anyway, the guy serving could have just said "I appreciate that, what would you like to do?" Or something like that, saying nothing was just being snotty about it and not good customer service. Wouldn't stop me going in again, albeit the parting shot of "twat" was unnecessary (bet it was satisfying though)

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 09:31

TickettyBoo · 15/08/2025 08:44

Some really twatish comments on here 😆 Anyway, the guy serving could have just said "I appreciate that, what would you like to do?" Or something like that, saying nothing was just being snotty about it and not good customer service. Wouldn't stop me going in again, albeit the parting shot of "twat" was unnecessary (bet it was satisfying though)

Your first post in near on 7 years…. You must have really felt quite impassioned in support of the OP! 😆

RememberBeKindWithKaren · 15/08/2025 09:36

Your husband is rude. I wouldn't be with someone who can't manage to treat other people with basic courtesy and respect..

TickettyBoo · 15/08/2025 09:48

Othersnotsomuch · 15/08/2025 09:31

Your first post in near on 7 years…. You must have really felt quite impassioned in support of the OP! 😆

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I finally got round to resetting my password 😁😂