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Original poster

I’m drained and he has to start helping

169 replies

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 00:14

My partner and I have been together 2 years. We don’t live together but he’s at my place 6 days a week. Its been like this a little over a year. I’m starting to become overwhelmed because since he’s started staying over more my bills have sky rocketed. He’s not helping and I’m stressing about bills. I have only asked him 3 times for help with a bill and afterwards he sort of complains that he is so broke and it makes me feel bad because he would have it if I didn’t need help.

Well I can’t do it anymore. I plan on sitting down with him and telling him if he’s going to be here this much he has to help out. I don’t expect him to help out on every bill, but I think the electric and water is reasonable and just half.

am I being unreasonable? He does not have his own place he lives with his siblings and prefers coming over to my place. We’re both 23 and we both work.

OP posts:
Zempy · 14/08/2025 12:49

You are very young to have a cocklodger.

Bin him off. He will soon find someone else to leech off of. You should rediscover your self respect.

BMW6 · 14/08/2025 12:51

Oh FFS yet ANOTHER cocklodger and the usual plaintive cry "but I lurve him".........🙄

He won't change. Put up and shut up or dump him as a no-hoper.

the5thgoldengirl · 14/08/2025 12:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Sunaquarius · 14/08/2025 13:23

2 years in and living at yours basically full time, he should be splitting the rent (if you rent that is) and paying half the bills/food shop.

Iocainepowder · 14/08/2025 13:27

Yeah i was with a guy a bit like this for 3 months when I was your age. I dumped him because the things you mention made me feel more like his mum in the relationship and I lost any attraction to him.

I then refused to date any guy who was still living at home after that.

Supersimkin7 · 14/08/2025 13:34

He doesn’t love you, OP.

littlemousebigcheese · 14/08/2025 13:34

You are young and deserve better. Don’t get stuck with this man please. He’s showing you who he is so believe him. You will be better off in so many ways, not just financially, by getting rid!

Pleasealexa · 14/08/2025 13:49

2 years is the relationship point where it's common to start seeing the issues - honeymoon phase is over so and poor behaviours become a pattern.

You have a choice, battle with him to change and start contributing like a grownup or acknowledge that he isn't the person you hoped he would be.

You can love someone but recognise they are not good for you. I have sons and despite being much younger they already contribute to cooking & tidying up. They even buy shopping when out and realise the house needs something.

Ellie56 · 14/08/2025 13:51

Just dump this freeloading loser @smileyxo

You can do so much better. You deserve better too.

Original poster
smileyxo · 14/08/2025 15:03

i came back to update. I’ve ended the relationship. We sat down to speak about bills and was told if he puts in he will do what he wants here. He also said I wouldn’t be able to have friends over anymore(we do girls night at each other’s place but we rotate). I didn’t appreciate his response to me asking for him to contribute some. He showed no self restraint raised his voice and swore at me. I really appreciate all of the responses.

OP posts:
BeltaLodaLife · 14/08/2025 15:07

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 15:03

i came back to update. I’ve ended the relationship. We sat down to speak about bills and was told if he puts in he will do what he wants here. He also said I wouldn’t be able to have friends over anymore(we do girls night at each other’s place but we rotate). I didn’t appreciate his response to me asking for him to contribute some. He showed no self restraint raised his voice and swore at me. I really appreciate all of the responses.

Wow. He actually out and out said that if he contributes to bills, not pay them all or even half but just contributes, then he would have full run of your home and full control over what you do there? I’d guess he’d be allowed the lads round but no friends for you.

I bet the scales fell from your eyes pretty quickly when he started showing what he’d really be like with his feet under the table. I’m sorry you had to be in that situation with that man, it can be upsetting and frightening. But it’s also kinds of liberating because you know that your little instincts were right, and you know you’ve done the right thing.

Don’t let him weasel back in or backtrack on anything he said to try and get you to forgive him. Stay strong. You’re young, and you’re supporting yourself already at only 23. That’s not easy to do anymore. You’ll have great things coming your way; just be careful of your choices in men!

gamerchick · 14/08/2025 15:08

Good for you.

He probably won't stay gone. Cocklodgers can be tricky to get rid of. They do the wooing and promises thing.

Hopefully yours moves on quickly and leaves you alone.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/08/2025 15:10

Hell hath no fury like a cocklodger scorned. Good riddance!

Radiatorvalves · 14/08/2025 15:12

You are well rid. What an awful man.

jeaux90 · 14/08/2025 15:20

Well done OP. Who TF does he think he is!!

DancingLions · 14/08/2025 15:29

Whatever he says, please don't take him back. The him you saw is the real him. He might make all sorts of promises but don't believe him.

This wasn't your fault, many of us have been there. There sadly seem to be a lot of men out there who are happy to take advantage of their partner. But now you know that and can guard against it in future.

childofthe607080s · 14/08/2025 15:33

Well done OP

TangerinePlate · 14/08/2025 15:41

Ahhh,OP 💐❤️

I’m so sorry your relationship has finished but he wasn’t right for you.You dodged a massive bullet.

You literally bankrolled him and as somebody else upthread said in a couple of years time his savings would grow while you’d have nothing.
You’re looking for a partner,not a dependent.
The right man will treat you like an equal, not like meal ticket. He won’t take advantage of your time,money or labour.

There’s s lot of wise women here that look out for the others.
Wipe your tears and call your friends. Have some nice time

You’re only 23,whole life’s ahead of you.

💐💐💐

Enrichetta · 14/08/2025 16:30

Thanks for the update, @smileyxo - and good to hear that you got a great result.

But do read those books - I promise you’ll find them useful!

Alacartemenu · 14/08/2025 16:33

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 15:03

i came back to update. I’ve ended the relationship. We sat down to speak about bills and was told if he puts in he will do what he wants here. He also said I wouldn’t be able to have friends over anymore(we do girls night at each other’s place but we rotate). I didn’t appreciate his response to me asking for him to contribute some. He showed no self restraint raised his voice and swore at me. I really appreciate all of the responses.

You dodged a bullet. he has the potential to turn into a full on controlling abuser. Block him so he can't hoover you in again.

FumbDucker · 14/08/2025 16:45

His response has shown you all you need to know! What a creepy little incel…

grumpygrape · 14/08/2025 16:54

smileyxo · 14/08/2025 15:03

i came back to update. I’ve ended the relationship. We sat down to speak about bills and was told if he puts in he will do what he wants here. He also said I wouldn’t be able to have friends over anymore(we do girls night at each other’s place but we rotate). I didn’t appreciate his response to me asking for him to contribute some. He showed no self restraint raised his voice and swore at me. I really appreciate all of the responses.

Hurrah! You are a credit to our sex 🏆🥇

Please don't take him back.

Lafufufu · 14/08/2025 16:56

He's unhinged.

SO glad you ended it... 🥳

historyrepeatz · 14/08/2025 16:57

You’ve saved yourself a lot of future grief. Flowers

GabriellaMontez · 14/08/2025 17:04

Controlling too.

Were there other signs of this side of him?