Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

[Shitehound]

He won’t back down. I have said multiple times that I don’t support this, we already have a lovely child together and for medical reasons I cannot/won’t risk carrying another baby myself. He keeps asking me to put myself as risk by having another child and because I won’t he has decided to donate sperm.

With DNA ancestry testing, anonymity is no longer possible, and our child could end up with half siblings all over the world. The donor children may get in contact with our family in the future, seems like emotional turmoil waiting to happen and a massive shock for our own child. He’s already started the process and is putting his foot down. It’s causing huge arguments. He said he is determined to carry on as it is his life goal to have lots of children and won’t stop this process.

He had an affair which I found out when our baby was a few weeks old which was devastating and is another reason why I refuse to have another child with him as I don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable position again. We have worked hard together to rebuild trust for me to forgive him after the affair betrayal and now this insistence on sperm donation has made me feel depressed and worthless. Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

I voted YABU because you are being unreasonable by staying still with this creep.

Sounds like he’s covering his bases should an illegitimate child be born he can blame it on sperm donation and not an affair. So sorry you have to deal with this.

@Shitehound sounds like he's trying to cover something up obviously - he's got someone else pregnant (not via a laboratory based sperm donation) and it's going to come to light.

Flush this turd down the pan and find yourself a decent guy.

I said that on the basis he’s asked OP to have another child. But clearly having your own child and donating sperm for someone else to, and you never knowing that child are 2 completely different things.

So agree with others, it’s a ruse to cover an infidelity

I don't think anyone is suggesting it's a good plan! He might be stupid enough to think it though.

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Like most others I feel he's a wrong 'un.

I won’t repeat what is pretty much the consensus here but it brought to mind the Dutch Dr. , Jan Karbaat

BBC Documentary Jan Karbaat

SiameseBlueEyes, was this the guy ?

Wiki link Donald Cline

YABU to remain in a relationship with this person

Well thats all I was trying to point out. I didnt say anyone said it was a good idea 🤦‍♀️

I second all the other posters who've said what a deeply disturbed man your fiancé is, who clearly cares absolutely nothing about you, or your son.

Not diminishing just how hard leaving a partner is, or becoming a single parent, but I think you will be giving yourself – and your son – a great gift by leaving this man.

I don't think this is really a 'his body his choice' situation. He's punishing and manipulating the OP because she is actually exercising her right to choice re having more children.

His weird obsession with proliferating the planet with his children is bizarre does he think he’s nick cannon?

do not have any more kids with him

Of course choosing whether to have an abortion or continue a pregnancy has implications for the partner and any existing children, what a ridiculous statement. If a woman chooses to continue a pregnancy that child will become the sibling and son/ daughter of the existing children and partner and will of course have implications on their current lives, it’s ridiculous to suggest otherwise.

I do agree choosing to donate sperm should involve a discussion with the partner rather than happen behind their back, but ultimately it is the male’s decision whether he chooses to go through with it. It does sound like OP’s partner has discussed it with her but they haven’t agreed. He wants to do it, OP doesn’t want him to do it - in that case of course the final decision is with him. And yes, he’s free to do it even if it’s a deal breaker for OP but obviously he has to accept that the relationship is over. It’s absolutely okay for him to decide having more biological offspring is more important to him than continuing a relationship with a partner who doesn’t want to allow him to have more children. I’d say the same if the roles were reversed and it was a woman either wanting to donate eggs, carry a surrogate baby or continue with a pregnancy against a current partner’s wishes.

You poor thing, really, sending hugs. I hope you escape him swiftly and without too much hassle. You deserve peace and happiness.

Leave him. Then he can do what he wants with his sperm. What a twat.

Yep. And someone suggested earlier, he is already proven to be cheating scum, so he might also be hoping to have a plausible excuse for more children turning up out of the blue in the future with his DNA.

I wonder if he's got someone else pregnant and using that as an excuse for when it comes to light?

Both would relationship ending for me. It sounds like he caused you serious trauma when you were postpartum. He is a cunt. Therapy has done wonders for my own ptsd post partum (caused by actual birthing issues not an affair). I cannot imagine the betrayal of both of these and it’s time to put you and baby first. He’s a fucking weirdo honestly! Who sounds like he has a breeding obsession. He’s not doing it for couples who can’t conceive is he, it’s all about HIM.

i was wondering the same because it’s such a bizarre choice for him to make unilaterally and he’s got form for being a cheat.

He wants to have a lot of children, but as a sperm donor he will largely be unknown to them unless they choose to seek him out. Seriously, what's wrong with him?

This combined with the fact that he wants you to put your life on the line for another child, is the height of selfishness.

Ahhh this is so creepy!

His reasons matter and whilst I think it can be an incredibly nice thing to do, his reasons seem more selfish and kinky than anything. Also he cheated on you whilst pregnant?

Come on now OP, this is not even a semi decent man and he clearly has 0 respect for you. Step away.

What an absolute weirdo.

Leave him and his future sprogs.

Time to part ways.

He sounds terrible. He’s had an affair and obviously sees himself as having superior DNA. It’s not going to end well either way so I’d end it on your own terms.

This in spades. ^ I am furious on your behalf @Shitehound He sounds like an utter arsehole. OMG, your post has angered me so much. 😠You deserve soooooo much better. What an absolute tool wanting to donate sperm 'to make more babies!' He is very unlikely to meet them, unless they try and trace him in 18-20 years. Is he gonna play daddy then is he? 🙄

WTAF have I just read? Please don't stay with this man OP. He does not love and respect you. ❤

Wonder if it’s some sort of weird fetish. I remember reading on Reddit about a woman whose husband kept begging her to have more children. Turned out he was really into some kind of impregnation porn. Bleugh. Maybe the sperm donor thing is a way to get his kicks.