Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

241 replies

Shitehound · 13/08/2025 22:27

He won’t back down. I have said multiple times that I don’t support this, we already have a lovely child together and for medical reasons I cannot/won’t risk carrying another baby myself. He keeps asking me to put myself as risk by having another child and because I won’t he has decided to donate sperm.

With DNA ancestry testing, anonymity is no longer possible, and our child could end up with half siblings all over the world. The donor children may get in contact with our family in the future, seems like emotional turmoil waiting to happen and a massive shock for our own child. He’s already started the process and is putting his foot down. It’s causing huge arguments. He said he is determined to carry on as it is his life goal to have lots of children and won’t stop this process.

He had an affair which I found out when our baby was a few weeks old which was devastating and is another reason why I refuse to have another child with him as I don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable position again. We have worked hard together to rebuild trust for me to forgive him after the affair betrayal and now this insistence on sperm donation has made me feel depressed and worthless. Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 13/08/2025 22:51

Hes asked you to risk your life for his dream of lots of kids! So he doesn’t care if you die if that’s the end game of putting you at risk

He’s had an affair

Hes now donating sperm when he knows you don’t like him to and you have concerns

Personally I would be making plans to leave. The fact he is prepared for you to take risks on your health means he doesn’t care about you he just sees your womb as an incubator for his kids

Canicule · 13/08/2025 22:55

Why does he want to do this? It seems an odd thing for a man in a LTR to want to do.

3luckystars · 13/08/2025 22:57

What a weirdo creep.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/08/2025 23:00

Are you sure he doesn't want to do this because he's aware that he's already got other children out there and this is what he thinks as good cover if any of them subsequently get in touch? 'Oh, must have been one of my donor children'. When it's not?

toomuchfaff · 13/08/2025 23:01

Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

You've hit the nail right on the head there... he doesn't give a flying fk what you think, question is, will you put up with that or is that enough for you to call it a day?

vodkaredbullgirl · 13/08/2025 23:03

He's probably doing it already.

Superhansrantowindsor · 13/08/2025 23:05

Why oh why do we have so many threads in mumsnet where woman are with such horrible men? Is being single really worse than being with someone who has zero respect for you?
OP- he is treating you as a vessel to provide a child and not as a partner. Please leave him.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 13/08/2025 23:07

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 13/08/2025 22:35

The fact his reason isn’t even “ I really want to help others who are struggling” it’s just “I desperately want to father a load of kids and not even interested in knowing them”

That is vile, and I couldn’t be with someone who has that as a life goal.

This. He is clearly on some sort of alpha male power trip. Disgusting.

MrsHiggins1 · 13/08/2025 23:07

I know this might seem controversial, but I wonder if he’s doing this even subconsciously because you don’t want it. What if you stopped making it the forbidden fruit and acted supportive and even encourage him, he might think twice

InterestedDad37 · 13/08/2025 23:14

What a weird bastard, with his desire to populate the world ...
🤔

LittleBitButthurt · 13/08/2025 23:17

WhereIsMyJumper · 13/08/2025 22:33

I mean does he think there is anything so unbelievably special about him that it’s his gift to the world to father as many children as possible??

I expect so. I had an ex like this. Had plans to donate sperm as much as possible because he liked the idea of loads of little hims running around, because he had ‘good genes’ (and a god complex). I mean I know I shagged him so who is the real fool here but trust me he really wasn’t anything special, either in looks or personality. Ick ick ick.

Chimney24 · 13/08/2025 23:17

To think there's men out there who are donating sperm for the prime reason to spread their DNA far and wide is not only crazy it's scary. What the actual fuck is that about.

Franjipanl8r · 13/08/2025 23:18

Get him in the bin.

Oceangrey · 13/08/2025 23:18

Oh no this is awful, how creepy and disrespectful. What kind of life goal is that.

My husband donated sperm because he wanted to help other people have a family, like we do. But he would absolutely never have done it without my agreement.

caringcarer · 13/08/2025 23:22

He's not doing it to help a couple have a baby he just has a procreation fetish wanting to create many DC even wanting you to risk your health to produce more DC. He sounds like he has some kind of mental health issue. Thinking his sperm is very special and must be used for procreating many DC. I'd leave him to it and take your DC away.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/08/2025 23:23

It is INSANE that you are still in a relationship with him. Beyond batshit.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 13/08/2025 23:30

Hmm, so when a child turns up he can say 'oh! this must be the result of the sperm I donated, definitely not illegitimate affair offspring.'

Perhaps he's already a 'sperm donor'.

I'm really sorry OP, but I couldn't ever trust him again. He has done a terrible thing, cheating on you when you needed him most.

HeyThereDelila · 13/08/2025 23:31

Sorry, he had an affair and wants to become a mass sperm donor? Why are you still with him??

Leave him and take your child or throw him out. But have more self respect and end this relationship.

There are huge problems with donor conception and mass donors are a ticking time bomb. It’s good for the child to be able to trace their genetic parents, but sperm and egg donation are setting up huge problems for the future and the fall out in the next generation will be awful.

Get rid of him.

Cleaningismycardio · 13/08/2025 23:35

Is there a chance he thinks he has fathered other children while with you? This way if anyone comes forward in the future he can say it must have been through sperm donation? You need to make plans for yourself and your little one. Don't rely on this waste of space.

isthatmyage · 13/08/2025 23:36

OP wow, just no.....no, walk away, quickly xx

Amanitacae · 13/08/2025 23:37

It’s horrific now, it will only get worse. He’s doesn’t give a shit about you or your child. Get out.

Dinosweetpea · 13/08/2025 23:39

You need to leave this awful excuse for a man immediately.

Polly271220 · 13/08/2025 23:40

Wtf have I read! Why are you with this prick? Fuck him off!

steff13 · 13/08/2025 23:41

He's not the one

RampantIvy · 13/08/2025 23:45

Why is he your fiance? I think marrying him is a terrible idea.

It sounds like he is using Elon Musk as a role model.I

Dump him and raise your bar.

Swipe left for the next trending thread