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Original poster

Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

241 replies

Shitehound · 13/08/2025 22:27

He won’t back down. I have said multiple times that I don’t support this, we already have a lovely child together and for medical reasons I cannot/won’t risk carrying another baby myself. He keeps asking me to put myself as risk by having another child and because I won’t he has decided to donate sperm.

With DNA ancestry testing, anonymity is no longer possible, and our child could end up with half siblings all over the world. The donor children may get in contact with our family in the future, seems like emotional turmoil waiting to happen and a massive shock for our own child. He’s already started the process and is putting his foot down. It’s causing huge arguments. He said he is determined to carry on as it is his life goal to have lots of children and won’t stop this process.

He had an affair which I found out when our baby was a few weeks old which was devastating and is another reason why I refuse to have another child with him as I don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable position again. We have worked hard together to rebuild trust for me to forgive him after the affair betrayal and now this insistence on sperm donation has made me feel depressed and worthless. Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

OP posts:
sweetpickle2 · 14/08/2025 10:51

Sounds like he's got a weird breeding kink. Do not marry this man.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 14/08/2025 10:54

Surely you mean ex fiance now? There are so many things wrong with his behaviour and mentality, I don’t even know where to start.

carkerpartridge · 14/08/2025 10:55

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/08/2025 23:00

Are you sure he doesn't want to do this because he's aware that he's already got other children out there and this is what he thinks as good cover if any of them subsequently get in touch? 'Oh, must have been one of my donor children'. When it's not?

This is exactly what I was thinking. He could have had more than one affair already, be continuing the affair that you knew about or keen to have more and so likely to produce more children. Donating sperm would be a good cover story for the children who might come out of the woodwork in the future. Sorry op it doesn't sound good at all.

PeonyPatch · 14/08/2025 10:57

Sounds like a very strange man / situation…

StMarie4me · 14/08/2025 10:57

Please leave.

SirBasil · 14/08/2025 11:01

Child has your name, right? please say they do.

Leave him. He isn't going to stop, and he has no respect for you.

BauhausOfEliott · 14/08/2025 11:03

He said he is determined to carry on as it is his life goal to have lots of children and won’t stop this process.

He’s mental. HTH.

Greensnow · 14/08/2025 11:08

He's manipulating you using this excuse.Get away from him as soon as you're able to.He sounds a really nasty piece of work.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 14/08/2025 11:12

So he's a selfish, cheating piece of shit who wants to shower the world with his mighty seed.

Sooner you get out the better.

CactusPeach · 14/08/2025 11:20

When one partner wants more children and the other doesn't it's a hard situation but this doesn't sound like the real issue, if it was he would be interested in adopting or fostering or being involved in youth work or something, something that actually involves being involved with and nurturing the children. Not donating sperm.
This sounds more like some kind of game or ego power move he wants to have over you. He's putting that ahead of your relationship, that shows you how on board he is with 'the team' that you are supposed to be.

JoyfulLife · 14/08/2025 11:32

So sorry you are experiencing this OP. Look also at the upside, he has shown you who he is and what he values plain and clear, please do not ignore this. You chose to give it a chance after the affair, people make mistakes. His attitude doesn't show gratitude and determination to repair the relationship and rwmorse for his behaviour. He just found other ways to torment you. Many, many women end up in dreadful situations and most of the time they had plenty of signs to not be in that relationship, which they ignored. People don't just change if you give it time, they have to want to change and look at themselves and their contribution to the relationship. A relationship is not 50:50 it has to be 100:100% to be happy and fulfilled. Take care of yourself and your child, who will also be affected by your unhappiness evwn if you might think you are hiding it from him. It is never too late to rebuild and make good choices for your life. Sending you love and wishing you strength and courage x

mindutopia · 14/08/2025 11:35

I bet he’s suddenly going to become one of those guys who insists on natural insemination only and expect you to go along with it. 🙄 You should have dumped him for the cheating alone. This is extra creepy on top.

Sgtmajormummy · 14/08/2025 11:35

Imagine if, at some point, your daughter unknowingly falls in love with a half-sibling. How many people have genetic tests before they have children? For her it will be necessary to avoid incest or inbreeding!

Ask your partner if he wants that for the one child (of potentially dozens) he’s decided to take responsibility for. Yuk.

Even if you do leave him, this is going to haunt you and your daughter for the rest of your lives.

JHound · 14/08/2025 11:36

Do you still want to marry this man who has demonstrated a complete lack of concern for your physical and emotional well being and has a weird “legacy” kink.

chaosmaker · 14/08/2025 11:37

At least you don't and won't have to waste much more of your life on him. Also don't try and force a relationship between him and your child if he's not interested. Do get financial support though.
Maybe donors should have to pay towards the kids they create. Would stop people like that idiot who has had sperm used in over 1000 kids created. Awful.
A friend did this with her children and their fathers. With one it was brilliant as he was an involved parent. The other 2 not so much and caused hurt for the children. They did not want to go.

Kdubs1981 · 14/08/2025 11:38

LTB

Epidote · 14/08/2025 11:40

saraclara · 13/08/2025 22:44

Is he doing this so that you'll leave him, do you think?

This

bennybannsider · 14/08/2025 11:40

Sounds like a cover story to explain away future ancestry DNA matches

Cattenberg · 14/08/2025 11:41

With DNA ancestry testing, anonymity is no longer possible, and our child could end up with half siblings all over the world. The donor children may get in contact with our family in the future, seems like emotional turmoil waiting to happen and a massive shock for our own child. He’s already started the process and is putting his foot down.

Is he donating through a licensed UK clinic? If so, the chances are that he won't make it through the screening process. I know of a UK sperm bank that only accepts around 1 in 8 or 1 in 9 potential donors. Even if he does make it through, there's no guarantee that a recipient will choose him or that the treatment will result in any births.

If he does end up donating to a licensed UK clinic, then he will be able to write to the HFEA to find out the number, sex and year of birth of any children he has fathered via donation. I don't think this applies if his sperm was exported to an overseas clinic. However, I don't think this would happen without his consent, either.

If your child does end up with donor half-siblings, you could get advice from the Donor Conception Network about how to talk to them about this from a young age. It needn't come as a massive shock and it might not result in any emotional turmoil. Your child might welcome the idea, (especially if they might be able to meet their half-siblings one day), or they might actually be uninterested in the whole thing.

Grellow · 14/08/2025 11:49

You need to leave OP. He wants another child to raise and he won’t accomplish that just by donating sperm so it’s clear he will cheat on you again and get someone else pregnant.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/08/2025 11:52

Grellow · 14/08/2025 11:49

You need to leave OP. He wants another child to raise and he won’t accomplish that just by donating sperm so it’s clear he will cheat on you again and get someone else pregnant.

You sure he wants to "raise" more children?

Impossiblyme · 14/08/2025 11:53

He sounds absolutely gross.

You need to get away from this “man”. Sometimes it’s difficult to see when you’re on the inside, but I promise you, you are worth so so much more than this.

Flightyandmighty · 14/08/2025 11:53

He cheated and that’s one of the reasons you don’t want anymore children with him.
So he’s decided he’s going to have them anyway. It sounds like games are being played. Where you are both against each other when you should be together. Maybe it’s best to walk away if you don’t agree or want the same things. Is he trying to hurt you because you won’t do what he wants?

GlitchStitch · 14/08/2025 11:55

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/08/2025 23:00

Are you sure he doesn't want to do this because he's aware that he's already got other children out there and this is what he thinks as good cover if any of them subsequently get in touch? 'Oh, must have been one of my donor children'. When it's not?

I wondered the same. Or he's just found out he's got someone pregnant and is stupidly trying to create a cover story.

BestZebbie · 14/08/2025 11:56

At some point (fairly soon) he is going to find (a) different woman(/women) who wants to have several babies and dump you for her (once you find out about her, as he doesn't actually want to live with the many babies and you are nice to have around).
Leave now while the going is good and you haven't had the additional trauma layered on.