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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fiancé insisting on donating sperm against my wishes

241 replies

Shitehound · 13/08/2025 22:27

He won’t back down. I have said multiple times that I don’t support this, we already have a lovely child together and for medical reasons I cannot/won’t risk carrying another baby myself. He keeps asking me to put myself as risk by having another child and because I won’t he has decided to donate sperm.

With DNA ancestry testing, anonymity is no longer possible, and our child could end up with half siblings all over the world. The donor children may get in contact with our family in the future, seems like emotional turmoil waiting to happen and a massive shock for our own child. He’s already started the process and is putting his foot down. It’s causing huge arguments. He said he is determined to carry on as it is his life goal to have lots of children and won’t stop this process.

He had an affair which I found out when our baby was a few weeks old which was devastating and is another reason why I refuse to have another child with him as I don’t want to put myself in a vulnerable position again. We have worked hard together to rebuild trust for me to forgive him after the affair betrayal and now this insistence on sperm donation has made me feel depressed and worthless. Like my opinion doesn’t matter in the slightest…

OP posts:
Mintytoothpaste1 · 13/08/2025 22:28

God he sounds absolutely awful. Really, really awful.

OverlyFragrant · 13/08/2025 22:29

End of relationship. No going back at all.

FionnulaTheCooler · 13/08/2025 22:30

Hes a selfish bastard. You can't stop him from donating but you don't have to stay with him and deal with the inevitable fall out in later years either. You're worth more than being with a cheating piece of shit.

wordywitch · 13/08/2025 22:31

At first I was going to say well it’s his body and his decision and you can’t really stop him, but his reasons for doing this are incredibly selfish and creepy. You’re entirely right to be weirded out and upset, IMO.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/08/2025 22:31

What an utterly awful human being your fiancé is. Please don’t marry him, just run very fast in the opposite direction. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even like you. This is not a relationship it’s a nasty vindictive game to him.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 13/08/2025 22:31

Huh? So hes saying that because you can't have more children, he is going to become an anonymous sperm donor so that his dna will live on in other's families?

He has also had an affair?

Girl, STAND UP. This man does not like or respect you.

Take your baby, divorce this man and do your best to surround him with positive influences moving forwards.

Sorry to be blunt but your marriage to this bellend is over xx

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/08/2025 22:31

Sounds like the end of the relationship to be honest

WhereIsMyJumper · 13/08/2025 22:32

What a prick. It feels like he’s doing this to try and strong arm you in to having another child. Ugh, disgusting man.

PennyAnnLane · 13/08/2025 22:33

He can donate sperm, you can’t stop him, but you can walk away and refuse to be with him. I couldn’t be with someone who donated sperm, I think it’s ethically and morally wrong and I wouldn’t like the idea of random children turning up in future.

WhereIsMyJumper · 13/08/2025 22:33

I mean does he think there is anything so unbelievably special about him that it’s his gift to the world to father as many children as possible??

HiCandles · 13/08/2025 22:33

He sounds awful. Cheating on you with a newborn is just despicable.
Being a sperm donor won't give him lots of children. They might never want to find him and they'll be adults when they can anyway!
What a stupid reason to do it.
It sounds like his determination to do it is partly to get at you, so I think the relationship is dead to be honest.

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 13/08/2025 22:35

The fact his reason isn’t even “ I really want to help others who are struggling” it’s just “I desperately want to father a load of kids and not even interested in knowing them”

That is vile, and I couldn’t be with someone who has that as a life goal.

outerspacepotato · 13/08/2025 22:35

Your relationship is over. He's cheated, he wants to impregnate lots of women. It sounds like a breeding kink. Whatever, if you want a secure relationship, this is not it.

BigFatLiar · 13/08/2025 22:35

PennyAnnLane · 13/08/2025 22:33

He can donate sperm, you can’t stop him, but you can walk away and refuse to be with him. I couldn’t be with someone who donated sperm, I think it’s ethically and morally wrong and I wouldn’t like the idea of random children turning up in future.

Or eggs

Lavender14 · 13/08/2025 22:37

Divorce op.

He's determined to procreate loads of children but has zero interest in actually parenting them? And will do it at the expense of the child who he is actually supposed to be parenting?

This sounds like some sort of weird ego rub or kink to be honest and yes I'd leave over this if he was determined to pursue it.

How absolutely traumatic for you as well, first the horror of realising he's had an affair when you are at your most vulnerable and dependent on him (I had the same experience- it's utterly devastating) and knowing you were forced to complete your family earlier than you'd expected to as a direct result of his behaviour (same here it is definitely a form of grief) for him to then decide he's going to do this.

I'm sorry op but that's a massive re-traumatising betrayal and you're absolutely correct to have the fears you have both for the impact on your child and your family.

He seems absolutely self- focused and like he has no ability to prioritise his family so I'd be quietly making plans to leave.

There's something feels very insidious about this that I can't put my finger on that sits very uneasy. I would seek legal advice, and support of a few friends who you know can keep their mouths shut and leave when he doesn't expect it.

How old is your child and do you have access to your own money?

Noshadelamp · 13/08/2025 22:37

Your instincts to not have another child with him so you're not in a vulnerable position is sadly right. He doesn't seem to respect you or your marriage at all. I don't know how it can continue. I'm sorry, but I think as hard as it seems you will regain your self esteem once you leave him.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 13/08/2025 22:38

Why are you with such a deadbeat? And does he have such a god complex that he must spread his genes far and wide. Gross.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 13/08/2025 22:38

Creepy AF. Get rid.

SlenderRations · 13/08/2025 22:39

That’s repellent

Doingtheboxerbeat · 13/08/2025 22:42

It's giving Handmaid's Tale vibes for me. I would understand a student doing this for cash but his motives are all the way off.

saraclara · 13/08/2025 22:42

This sounds like some sort of weird ego rub or kink to be honest and yes I'd leave over this if he was determined to pursue it.

Yep. He's getting off on there being hundreds of mini-hims all over the country/world? That's incredibly creepy.

Andbegin · 13/08/2025 22:43

Yuck.

Selfish twat. Not donating for any of the positive reason's .

He’s a horror. So sorry Op.

WeightLossGoal2024 · 13/08/2025 22:43

Lavender14 · 13/08/2025 22:37

Divorce op.

He's determined to procreate loads of children but has zero interest in actually parenting them? And will do it at the expense of the child who he is actually supposed to be parenting?

This sounds like some sort of weird ego rub or kink to be honest and yes I'd leave over this if he was determined to pursue it.

How absolutely traumatic for you as well, first the horror of realising he's had an affair when you are at your most vulnerable and dependent on him (I had the same experience- it's utterly devastating) and knowing you were forced to complete your family earlier than you'd expected to as a direct result of his behaviour (same here it is definitely a form of grief) for him to then decide he's going to do this.

I'm sorry op but that's a massive re-traumatising betrayal and you're absolutely correct to have the fears you have both for the impact on your child and your family.

He seems absolutely self- focused and like he has no ability to prioritise his family so I'd be quietly making plans to leave.

There's something feels very insidious about this that I can't put my finger on that sits very uneasy. I would seek legal advice, and support of a few friends who you know can keep their mouths shut and leave when he doesn't expect it.

How old is your child and do you have access to your own money?

This

saraclara · 13/08/2025 22:44

Is he doing this so that you'll leave him, do you think?

Foodylicious · 13/08/2025 22:46

Oh no, that just sounds awful.
Does he have any redeaming features?
I can't think of any that would be enough to outweighs this and the previous cheating.
Hope you can find a way out.