Comment to air hostess

[Backfromthebrink]

Just arrived on holiday and I need the wise opinions of the Mumsnet community to help me decide if I’m being super unreasonable or if I’m right to feel pissed off.

On the plane off on holiday with my DH and DD9. Half way into the journey and the air hostess (think blonde, slim, attractive) comes down the aisle selling scratch cards, Prize being another holiday. She gets to our row and DH asks for x5 tickets and cheekily says “if I win, do you come too?” to the lady selling. I’m mortified and give her an apologetic look. She gives me a somewhat sympathetic look and I’m just feeling like the biggest dickhead.

I can’t bring myself to speak to my DH out of disgust and he laughs it off and makes me feel like I’m creating a drama for no reason. Feel so upset that he would humiliate me in front of my face.

Honest opinions please. Should I have laughed along or would you be fuming? Thank you!

Since when do people not call them air hostesses anymore? I'm so confused....

She can feel how she wants, of course she can. Doesn't mean it isn't dramatic and disproportionate and something that will definitely impact her daughters well being IF this is how they generally behave. 🤷‍♀️

She didn't hide her hurt and humiliation, which I think we can agree is probably not an uncommon occurrence, but sat with 'tears streaming down her face' well after the incident. She 'took it', cried a lot and then, life and holiday go on leaving what impression on the dd?

So yeah, having her own feelings, as she should, is fine. The rest needs addressing. After the holiday.

So it’s perfectly ok in your mind for cabin crew to be sexually objectified during the course of their job under the guise of ‘ holiday spirit’

🤢

I don't think it's dramatic and disproportionate though - I wouldn't have done this, but I disagree. Which does mean that it's not actually dramatic and disproportionate to others. Saying it is dramatic and disproportionate is just a personal judgement, not a fact.

And yes, she definitely needs to sort this out, and should now try to get on with having a nice holiday despite her creepy husband, for her kid's sake.

I imagine you've been looking forward to your holiday so I wouldn't let an idiotic comment spoil it. Tell him it was unacceptable and move on.

Why ARE so many mumsnetters dedicated to telling people how to feel and "move on". Are you bullies? None too bright? Or just so low in emotional intelligence and empathy that you don't realise that instructing someone to "move on" and feel things differently only ever has one outcome - they double down on how they feel and now they not only feel mad/bad/angry/upset they also feel disrespected and unsupported.

Maybe stop doing that, if you actually want to help. Because it doesn't.

What a pathetic comment and not constructive in the least. It obviously and sadly makes you feel superior though.

I'm with team OP the husband is a mysoginistic sexist idiot. When your child is asleep I'd be having a word with him. Hope your holiday improves.

I would have neither laughed or fumed. So many of the posts here seem so melodramatic to me. Can't believe that you felt "humiliated." I might have rolled my eyes. Or made some retort to show I was irked.

What interested me is that you called her an "air hostess." In America we're expected to term them as sex-neutral "flight attendants."

He has only embarrassed himself. Hopefully you can get your own back and find someone to flirt with on your holiday🤣 see how he likes it.

Don’t be silly - I wasn’t ‘instructing’ the OP how she should feel about the comment her husband made, and it’s a matter of opinion whether the remark was disgusting. I can’t think of anyone in real life who would be disgusted by something like this - they woukd probably think it was silly and uncalled for, but not disgusting 😆😆. The OP asked for people’s opinions on whether she was being unreasonable and in my opinion, which she asked for just as much as she asked for yours, I think she is being unreasonable. I find it incredible that a grown woman is acting like this because of a comment like the one her husband made, and is now sitting on the transfer bus with tears streaming down her face! None of us can know how the cabin crew member concerned felt about the remark but if she is like the two flight attendants I know, it will be like water off a duck’s back.

Don't be silly, I was just repeating back what you'd said and turning it around on you.

I can't think of anyone in real life who would NOT be disgusted by something like this you should probably up your game when it comes to friends and family. 😂😆

I think you are being unreasonable and I find it incredible that a grown woman is lecturing and scolding someone who is upset because her husband was disgusting.

I would bet good money that the flight attendant thought he was an irritating piece of shit and felt sorry for his wife, but you can keep pretending she didn't care if that pleases you.

People are allowed to reply to you and disagree with you, that's how it works.

@Anotherbeeloudglade. Well that’s me told then, isn’t it 😆😆😆😆. I’m glad that we at least agree that it’s ok to disagree with other people. There would be little point in anyone starting a thread in AIBU if we all had to share the same view.

What do you mean that's me told? That's a bit dramatic and disproprotionate surely?! 😂😅😂😅

Yep, people are definitely allowed to disagree with you, and with me, that's what I expect in a comment thread.

Oh do calm down. I really don’t know why you’re jumping down my throat for expressing my views, but I’ll leave you to it 🙄

Oh do calm down. I really don't know why you keep going on and on and on at me for expressing my views, it just seems disproportionate and dramatic 🙄

You definitely should NOT have laughed! It was more than bad enough what he did. And I think someone who had genuinely meant "will I get complimentary scratch tickets hand-delivered to me and airplane-cabin-level service on the trip if I win?" and would have said the exact same thing to a male crew member would be horrified and apologetic when you explained how most people would take his comment instead of laughing, gaslighting, and calm-down-dear'ing you.

Don’t worry I’ve learned I’m from the last century as I still use terms like ‘headmaster’ ‘policewoman’ and ‘actress’. Terms I grew up with. Posters are all like “ewww are you from the 1970’s?” Errrm yes. Yes I am.

Reading lots of the comments is so depressing. So many women have such low standards and expectations for life partners...and worryingly high thresholds for the appalling shit they'll put up with and the awful behaviour they're determined to laugh off.

It's really no wonder that there are so many threads on here about men who've up and left or cheated or lashed out or worse when the woman claims to be blindsided because he was such a nice guy.

Women are training themselves to not even recognise red flags anymore and are joining in the misogyny by telling those that do to lighten up and calm down 🙄.

HINT AND TIP - your oh making smutty 'jokes' to random women right in front of your face is a MASSIVE red flag and one you should take note of.

👏👏👏

Ask him if he would think it was OK for someone to say that to your DD?

Yes I know she is only 9 but the male gaze will be starting soon. The flight attendant is a daughter of someone and probably has to put up with this sort of harassment every flight.

’A member of the cabin crew’. Works for me, and is their preferred term.

I dunno, I can see my husband possibly doing this. I might lean over to her and say ‘sorry he doesn’t get out much’ roll my eyes and move on with my day.

That might work, but it might not, unfortunately a lot of creepy men are actually ok with their daughters being harrassed

But it’s so easy to say head teacher. And to call them all actors. Much easier!