Comment to air hostess

[Backfromthebrink]

Just arrived on holiday and I need the wise opinions of the Mumsnet community to help me decide if I’m being super unreasonable or if I’m right to feel pissed off.

On the plane off on holiday with my DH and DD9. Half way into the journey and the air hostess (think blonde, slim, attractive) comes down the aisle selling scratch cards, Prize being another holiday. She gets to our row and DH asks for x5 tickets and cheekily says “if I win, do you come too?” to the lady selling. I’m mortified and give her an apologetic look. She gives me a somewhat sympathetic look and I’m just feeling like the biggest dickhead.

I can’t bring myself to speak to my DH out of disgust and he laughs it off and makes me feel like I’m creating a drama for no reason. Feel so upset that he would humiliate me in front of my face.

Honest opinions please. Should I have laughed along or would you be fuming? Thank you!

flight attendant

Or finding them really gross and avoiding them altogether.

I am so sorry there are clowns trying to minimise this shit behaviour OP. You definitely deserve an apology - but honestly, what kind of man says this right in front of his wife and daughter anyway? So yuck.

I would be really upset by this too

I tend to use "steward" and "stewardess", but I'm ancient. I think of "cabin crew" as a collective.

I'm so old that I had to memorise "proprietor, propietress, propietrix" when I was at primary school from "First Aid in English".

Thinking about it, I'm possibly also less used to air travel than some younger people. It wouldn't have occurred to me to find "air hostess" offensive, though I can understand the reasoning when I think about it.

I've just done a quick Google and - given the level of offence taken at the use of the term - I'm surprised to see that it's still appearing online in many places. I'm also seeing "air host" being given as the masculine form.

ETA The main concern, in my view, is the inappropriate behaviour of the OP's husband.

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Yes, it's the least important thing about the thread and they have been haranguing the poor OP about it - I think she's got it by now and there is certainly no need for further scolding.

I don't think that's too bad, it can be hard breaking from words you grew up with.
I still say policewoman sometimes 😶‍🌫️ and Prince Charles 😁

Flight attendant is the correct neutral term

The term is possibly a bit outdated, but surely it's no more offensive than saying "headmistress" or "headmaster" instead of "headteacher"?

But what is quite funny is that the scolds can't even agree amongst themselves 😆

I think flight attendant is a very American term. Not many Brits would use it.

While I think it was a dickhead comment. I think you are ruining your own holiday by being so dramatic about it.

Reminds me of a Simpsons episode when homer does this to someone and then the next guy approaches her and says the same. Tbh I don't think it's worth getting upset over there's far worse things happening in the world

I'm the wife of TruthSeeker12345, and a senior Flight Attendant for a major carrier. (Air Hostess in Britain, Flight Attendant in the USA). This guy is a first class jerk, and really needs a manners update for the 21st century. Our primary function is your safety; we do a lot more than just pour Coke and Sprite. (Who do you think gets you off the aircraft in an evacuation? Not to mention medical emergencies, hijackers, mentally ill, and assorted other scenarios). If it looks easy from your seat, that shows that we're good at our job. I do hope this guy doesn't do this again; the next outcome may not be so calm.

I would be fuming. Have you said anything to him about it?

I wouldn't be with someone who thought it was appropriate to talk to a woman like that, especially when she's simply just trying to do her job.

Just what I was thinking that. Very dated. They are all cabin crew now.

Sorry but I think you’re being ridiculous. You seriously won’t speak to your husband out of disgust? And feel humiliated because he made a daft throwaway comment that wasn’t very funny and which the woman had probably heard a thousand times?

It's cabin crew

Sorry but I think you're being ridiculous. You seriously are scolding a woman who was disgusted by something disgusting? And instructing her how to feel about a sexist, creepy comment that the other woman is sick to death of hearing from creepy men when she's trying to do her job?

This is a bit dramatic and completely disproportionate to the incident. Is this kind of scenario something your dd witnesses often?
I doubt someone comfortable enough to act like that in public, especially in front of his wife and daughter isn't a sexist twat who has said things like this before. Yet here you are on holiday, both of you modelling a really unhealthy dynamic, with your child.
You need to get a grip, for now, and make sure you and your dd have a lovely time. Deal with the reality of it all, or not, when you are home again.

I’m finding the responses a bit uptight. Yea it’s crass / gauche, but experience has taught me that that’s better than the more insidious misogyny that hides itself behind more PC behaviour. I guess it depends on your DP, on the exact tone, etc.

I’m in Scotland and I’m pretty sure a lot of cabin crew would laugh / shrug that off as fairly lame banter and not give it more than a moment’s thought.

The cabin crew has already forgotten about this, I’m sure. I wouidn’t sweat it.

Telling someone how to feel about a disrespectful creepy sleazer might make you feel better, but it won't change how she feels. At all.

Yes, it is unlikely that this is the first time he has publicly humiliated her and yes she needs to do something about it. But that doesn't include not being allowed to have her own feelings.

For her child, and only for her child, she should hide her hurt and humiliation until they get home where she can deal with him properly.

It sounds as if this episode has opened up a whole new side to your H that you never dreamed was there. I’d be totally embarrassed for him, and so disappointed for myself. He’s got alot of ground to make up!

I do hope your holiday picks up, this has certainly been a miserable start.