Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

This !!

I'm glad you found your spine on this one. It's really an out there request.

You're going to have to practice saying I need to check my schedule when people ask you for favours or just no when they're crazy ones like this.

Just seen update Welldone !! Let us know the response !!

Op if she comes back with any sort of work around just say "No 16mths is far too young and your wary of them keeping you up and them being upset without parents and sibling"

Maybe remind her under 24 mths are free on flights. They could take the child and a nanny with them.

This👆

Did you get a response?

Why did you say yes?! You’re working. Just text now and say on reflection, you aren’t able to help. You haven’t enough AL etc. it’s ridiculous you’ve got yourself into this predicament

I put YABU because you should never have agreed to this. I would have never even asked if I were her.

Well done Op. Great response.

Can’t you say your annual leave didn’t get approved? Not your fault then?

This is one of those 'only on mumsnet' things where my mind boggles about how people can be such a pushover.

OP in the nicest possible way you obviously have issues with assertiveness. I would cut this person out of your life and anyone else who has clocked that they might be able to exploit this personality trait.

Great message. She sounds like she thinks she is centre of the universe so will probably get the hump or try and persuade you. Stand firm!

This. It is polite, but it stops any bulldozing to get round you.

This is brilliant! Well done you

Tell them you’ve checked with work and you can’t get the time off

God what a CF I absolutely can’t stand people like this, we have one in our family and you have to be super blunt and say no which doesn’t come naturally but once I started doing it I found she always found someone else to fulfil the cheeky request. Well done for sending that message, don’t back down if she replies come back on here and i am sure you will get more good advice. Good luck 🤞🏻

Absurd.

Just tell her your extra leave will cost her a thousand quid.

She’ll find someone else.

Get back as quickly and honestly as possible.
If you lose the friendship, so be it.

I'd try something like:
I'm really honored by your trust, but as I've thought it over, I just can't do this. I can't face that level of responsibility for an infant. And, to be honest, I also can't allocate the amount of time your baby deserves.
But the real issue is that you need to learn to say no. No one respects a doormat.

That’s insane. I w
iukdnt ask a friend to do this, not even a SAHP. You are going to have to tell her you just can’t do it. I can’t believe she even asked!

Never mind, I see you texted her already - well done :)

Don't deviate at all from this, and do NOT respond at all to any coercive browbeating. You really need to ditch this woman, she is not a friend, this is a ridiculously huge favour to ask of a friend and she should have texted you to give you time to think about it instead of trying to railroad you into it.

Glad you stuck up for yourself

Will she maybe read this thread?

Just say you’ve had time to think and don’t want to. If you must lie then say you have no annual leave left (it’s all spoken for rather than used up), you asked for flexi time for school run, and after looking at you like you were mad, your work told you it’s going to be a bugger of a week as x,y,z is going on so you will maybe have to actually work late… then throw in possible redundancies happening later in year so scared for job, very distracted at the moment (so obviously not best choice to child mind anyone precious child) etc…

@FlyingHighandDry Tell her she made you feel obligated but looking after her kid is something you are not going to do so you are telling her now in order for her to get alternative care for it.