Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

To which the correct response is "Sorry ... No can do."

I would just be honest...
Sorry I can't possibly look after your child, the responsibility is just too much.

Good luck xx

Best CF request I had - I was once asked by an acquaintance if I could look after her FOUR kids for SIX weeks at her house ... When she went on a course...

Wtaf??

There was no pay involved and more importantly I had barely met her kids-they certainly didn't know me, and the youngest was 7....

She was appalled when I said no..

She then rang back and said she'd solved the problem... She'd spoken to all 4 kids and they were up for coming to stay with me..😂🙄😱😱🤣🤣🤣😂😂.

I said no again... She got more angry 'unless you say yes I can't finish my training' - u did ask her why she hadn't planned for her childcare as she realised there was a residential component... Seems her plan was to strong arm me /another acquaintance into doing it... 😂

.. I pointed out if she knew anything about me I lived in a one bed flat and was out all day and had busy evenings and more importantly, I wasn't interested in helping her...

Earlier that year I had given up a whole days pay to ferry her to a medical appt out of town("I can't afford a taxi and this is so important! '.) .. She didn't pay for parking, /fuel, I hung around for six hours - too far to go home, and she barely said thank you when I dropped her off.....

Unbelievably, she found someone to do this breathtaking request!!

Versions of this happened continually with her... She asked the most outrageous favours of virtual strangers and very often she wore them down and she got a yes!

Cancel, but do it soon so they can find some other sucker /alternative plan. The AL excuse is a good one - maybe make up something about too many people being off that week.

They are CF!
I did 4 days free childcare for my nieces 1 and 3 as my sister went back to work (half a term, teacher)
It was knackering even with 3 year old was in nurssery 9-3 - in a heatwave too
However, my sister helped me a lot when mine were little so returning favour and my AL is more generous than yours !

And..what she say…

The audacity

Well done op, 👏 good for you for telling her no, did she reply ???

This is an excellent response... Give no room for her to negotiate...

Well done. I very much doubt she would do the same, and you probably wouldn't ask in the first place!

Wow. Even i don't want to take care of my own 1 year old by myself for 4 days 😂😂 can you take mine too?

What about...?

'Nah! Not interested, I hate your kids! '

That would get you off the list 😂

Has she replied?

Well done OP! This is a hard thing for a people pleaser to do! Let us know if she replies. I can’t believe she asked you!

Who asks that, especially when it involves precious leave. A toddler that age will really miss its parents and could be really hard work.

Supreme CFery.

I have a neighbour who kept hinting it would be ‘nice’ if someone would move in with her kids for the weekend as her and her husband couldn’t go away alone.
A woman who wouldn’t even have mine round to play as she was ‘too busy’ and ignoring the fact I also had no one to take my child for whole weekends (including her). she ignores me now.

walking all over you because she knows she can. Say no. Risk losing the friendship but just know people like that are take take take, they drain you, don’t treat you right. In the end when you put a boundary in place, they might well get defensive. They will only be sad they’ve lost their apple cart.

She does not sound like much of a friend to put that on you - bye bye!

Wow that is actually unbelievable!
How the hell do such people exist, getting angry at you?? 🤣🤣🤣 And then expecting that you'd cave in because their problems and their friendship must be so important to you! Or because you feel guilty, intimidated, are a people pleaser etc. It's horrible.
I am impressed how you handled it though, you matched her nicely by being direct and unashamed to say the cold hard facts to her face, no pussy footing.

Well done, short and factual. 👌

This is probably the best answer.

Annual leave excuses will result in her providing some sort of work around. But a 16mth old baby is a lot of work and could easily cry for days wanting their mum.

A few hours during the day maybe even over night on the very rare occasion. 4 days is taking the p*ss. Not only that but would they even settle that long. You’re just going to havd to say no now. If you’re a people pleaser the longer leave it the harder it will be.

That's a big ask OP and you're right to say no

Interested to see the reply!

Absolutely not. It's far far too big a responsibility. Say no. They need to ask a member of their family.

Just tell her you can't do it, no need to provide a reason, I dont understand when people feel the need to come up with reasons why they can't babysit someone else's child a simple "no" should be enough.

Me too. Just say no