Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Ok. You find OP’s behaviour very x 2 rude. I find friend beyond rude and disrespectful. She is lying that op told her at a short notice when she asked op only 3 days ago and this work trip she is going on in October, at least 90 days away.

Do you know that in stories no one else other than op can see the comments?

I'd be making up a counter cheesey post in a shit font that said something like....

Time to stop
Expecting others
To solve
Your problems

....with a whole heap of 🖕's

Send her one of those 100% gifs.

After derailing the thread with reference to irrelevant old post which posters ask you to clarify and then you add further stories, you are telling me to start a new thread for telling another poster that staying quiet is not always the answer giving example of family.

@FlyingHighandDry Repost the meme on your own social media with the caption “So apt right now” … I would because occasionally I enjoy being petty like that 🤣😉😇😈

Op, please let us know if you responded. I think reply by @ilovesushi is really good and you are putting her in place for lying about you being inconsistent and changing mind at short notice. Even if she hasn’t mentioned your name, she expects people to ask her and then she is going to tell her lies. After your reply, block her for good.

Make certain that you quickly reneg your offer to look after DC 4.
First phone her to make sure she hears your voice inform her of your changed plan. Follow up with a text of apology and also suggest that she might engage Nanny services.

Any difficulties after that - block.

This is hilarious!! She is so lame 😆 anyone with a brain would see her request as outrageous. As mum to an 18m old I find it REALLY outrageous!!

Just saying; this part of the message is a monstrous red flag, and ample enough reason to permanently dump this acquaintence.

'Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.'

All the hallmarks of a bully who surrounds themselves with people whose boundaries are easy to trample on. And what she's doing there if you're interested is called 'blame shifting.' If I had one word of advice OP, I would say 'run.' And good riddance. She sounds like a Mean Girl with a hip replacement.

She is no loss. What a CF. Furious on your behalf. Block her

post on fb.
poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

but im petty

After you apologized and told her that due to your work schedule ' you wouldn't be able to do it..she still expected you to change your mind
The ," what am I expected to do " would really piss me off.
Id reply with " fuck knows but I can't take time off to mind your kid "

The Facebook drama crap may not be aimed solely at you - I bet you aren't the only person she asked who said no.
I think to be petty I would post some bland pastel inspiration crap about 'making better choices/setting my boundaries /getting rid of users in my life. Trolling is a game for 2!

This situation looks to have been (mostly) resolved and you were not unreasonable to not want to do it. So putting that aside and speaking generally -

I imagine you're a people pleaser OP? How does one 'stumble over a few words' and end up agreeing to something they really really don't want to do that includes taking precious annual leave?

Bear this is mind next time if you're going to go through life being a people pleaser: saying yes and then saying no , is also a massive flaky pain in the arse.

You can people please by being upfront and honest, making it clear right away where people stand with various things. Much easier to deal with.

Very entertaining posts OP and good on you 😁

I absolutely love the pithy, PA quotation she's put up and would love to find you a comeback... give me a minute.

Oh yes. I particularly like this one because of the 'child of God' moment 🤣

Post a quote of your own on facebook. There are lots of nice ones about entitlement, such as "People who get whatever they want soon develop a sense of entitlement and rapidly lose all sense of proportion."

'want to know if some people are toxic?'
Say 'no' and see how they react

Id be petty and reply with a luaghing emoji or write something along the lines of "Yes, absolutely, dont spend any time on time waters, I dont either" and then block :P

@MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast
It’s not as simple as ‘stop being a people pleaser and just say no’. Not everyone has the ability to be direct. There is a mix of social pressure, desire to avoid confrontation and not having a ready made response. I think saying something like let me think about it is a better strategy as it’s less confrontational

Same. I can be petty too 🤣😇😈

I’d be so tempted to reply to her post and say something like assume this is aimed at me for not being able to care for your 1yr old for 4 days.

If this woman had ever cared for your kids for 4 days whilst you went away i’d maybe see her point, but sounds like she’s never done anything like that for you. The cheek of people astounds me. And the fact they then post stuff like that shows they genuinely think they are hard done by. Koke.

Absolutely this.

Go you OP! Ex-people pleaser myself… really doesn’t come easy to say no, and remember the anxious rollercoaster well.
It was a cheeky request… not 4 hours!! 4 days! Not only that, toddlers have a really strong attachment to their parents. Even older children would struggle and pine.
The answer is simple. Only one parent go on the trip or take toddler and a third person with them…
Anyways I digress as bottom line is it’s not your problem, her reactions have been amusing and did laugh at the social media dig. That hopefully reiterates that your efforts would not have been appreciated anyways. Enjoy your annual leave when the time comes.