Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Thoughts from a bigger picture viewpoint:

-Shes either wanting to speak to someone or some people who she feels have let her down (you may or may not be the intended recipient, perhaps she asked someone else she expected to have her child/ren and they said no).

-You create more drama by interacting, so I'd personally leave her to get on with it. Mel Robbins 'Let Them' has become a life motto for me, and I'm so much happier for it. You don't have to do anything more here, your work is done.

-Be proud of yourself for speaking up and not feeling you should be having to be inauthentic (when she clearly is choosing this approach herself). Being kind doesn't mean being walked all over.

I felt the need to look up who the fuck Billy Chapata is. He's full of drivel like this!
Maybe post one too, these are called Timings (blue) and Perceptions (brown)
https://www.instagram.com/iambrillyant
(Also, account is empty before June, so probably AI, and as unreal as she is)

I would add a comment to this to agree with it. She is totally going to be talking about you to friends with her version of events! Pure cheeky!

Time for the old classic “u ok hun?” maybe? What a clown she is….

If she distances herself from every friend who wouldn’t look after her toddler for four days at her whim, she’s not going to have many friends left is she? What a twat

No way OP!!! How did you walk into that one?

Just call her and say you talked to work and it won't be possible.

You could add a comment “Context is King” and a link to this thread?

It's hilarious that she asked you 3 days ago, and when you messaged to say that you couldn't do it she asked what was she supposed to do at such short notice?!?!!

These parents are a different breed. I daren't even ask my in laws to take their grandkids for a long ish day.

Oh dear lord 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ op you need to match her energy... and post one back that reflects her self obsessed selfish behaviour!

She wants you to see it and feel guilty and backtrack. Just ignore it. Pretend you havent seen it.

These parents are a different breed. I daren't even ask my in laws to take their grandkids for a long ish day.

Aww you should be able to ask the grandparents for one day of baby sitting.

You need to ❤️ that post just for laughs!

what a CF and not a true friend and you’re better off without friends like that!

well done for sticking to your guns OP x

I’d totally reply along the lines of “so true, I’ve made sure this year not to set myself on fire to keep others warm ❤️”

One of the things that pisses me off the most about these sort of situations is that I guarantee the CF’s H hasn’t asked a single one of his male friends to take four days of annual leave to look after his DC for free.

They wouldn’t even consider asking.

But because you’re a woman, you’re supposed to Want to prioritise childcare (even other people’s DC) over your own career and income stream.

Your labour SHOULD be free in their eyes, but not men’s. It’s misogyny, pure and simple.

I'd ignore it. Be the bigger person (which you clearly are anyway).

Tempting as it might be to expose her cheeky fuckery to the world I think it's wisest to just ignore her SM post. If you engage with her it will turn a "her" problem into a "we" problem. You're off the hook for providing childcare so I would leave it.

Oh what a bitch. Total guilt bait to you and she's hoping people message "what's wrong hun?"
"Ill dm you"
Then an absolute twisted story of how you promised her and let her down at the last minute with no other options.

Classic. Absolute trashy Classic.

Roll eyes and gloss over it.

Buy her some brasso for her neck, paste this poster on your social media

Her post is pathetic and cringey, and responding in kind would be the same. I also think she wants a reaction, or at least the satisfaction of knowing you’ve seen it and know it’s about you. Ignore ignore ignore!

Wow, what a CFer she is! She’s not much of a friend if she dumps you just because you’ve given her two months notice that you can’t look after her young child!

Love the post on her facebook, big care emoji

She let you down by being a crap friend and expecting you to be an unpaid babysitter

Maybe she's hoping that her other friends will be so sympathetic that they will offer to help her out.

I have twice been asked by the parent of one of my teenage DSs friends to have him to stay for a week (not the same scenario, I know, as all I had to do was feed and provide a bed), but she didn't even thank me afterwards! I did it because I felt sorry for her DS, not because I wanted to help the CF. Certainly would not have said yes to a toddler.

I would be tempted to reply with this

Bear thing to do OP is totally ignore it. She can twist her story and hunt for sympathy from the noses of Facebook that im sure will ask.

She asked you to look after her child. You said no. Very politely and not last minute.

You've no reason to feel bad. Let her have her pathetic little "why me" on Facebook and get better friends.

Massively showing herself up there. I’d love to see her responses to friends asking what’s wrong’DM me, hun’ etc. Embarrassing!