Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

That last post is hilarious! Please please ignore it OP and be thankful people like that are out of your life 😆😆

Maybe you should put a link to this post on your SM ( don’t, but wouldn’t it be funny)

Geez! Well she’s really shown you who she is. Something I read recently that really stuck in my head and I think applies here, was, the disrespect is all the closure you need. She will never think she was in the wrong or see anything from your point of view, so she’ll always think she was wronged and you’ll never get a reply, let alone an apology. Her behaviour itself needs to be the thing that allows you to distance yourself from this person

Oh my goodness, a passive aggressive meme sharer! You have dodged a bullet there 😆

Resist the temptation to post a retaliatory meme about freeloading CFs and hold your head up high!

Let her distance herself from you, op. It'll be doing you a favour.

The thing is, your CF thinks she is in the right.

She asked, and you accepted. During that 3 days of acceptance she felt she had outsourced the problem and it was dealt with. Now you have declined, she feels put out and that she is inconvenienced and has to mop it up.

She was totally in the wrong here and should never have asked you. I'm just trying to say that in her deluded mind she thinks she is right, and you are the bad guy, hence the victimhood. She'll be badmouthing you.

Your friendship is done, but I would pull her up on this posting as she is inviting people to ask her what's up and she'll bad mouth you. I'd message her and say "I do hope that isn't about me?" and if she carried on I'd be telling her what a pair of crap parents her and her DH are, offloading her small kids to people for days on end.

Definetly ignore however tempting it is to engage.
Perhaps those looking after the older children will delighted to add a "no trouble" extra.
It doesn't sound like she adds much to your life and certainly isn't demonstrating any emotional intelligence.

All threads are dated @snowmichael. This one is two days old and the OP has managed to handle the situation without your input 🙄

Priceless! 😂

Please post something on your own to the effect of distancing yourself from CFs!!

I think it's (an inadvertent) message for YOU to reassess whether you really need this cheeky user in your life.

OMG she is one of THOSE people...

I'd message her with a compromise. Tell her you can look after their sprog but they will need to hire a nanny to arrive at 7.30am and leave at 6.30pm when you're back from work.

Or alternatively, as you are unable to take holiday, you should be able to take unpaid leave to look after their sprog but they'd need to pay for your lost salary of 4 x £300 so £1200.

Or reply to her FB post saying "Is that aimed at anyone in particular?".

I don't have time for people like that!

That sort of post is what the thumbs up was invented for: it’s, literally, you do you in emoji form. You could also add the optional ‘you ok hun?’

You see this is aimed at you.

my response is that I’d reply - is this aimed at me? You caught me on the hop and asked me 3 days ago to look after your 18 month old child in October for 4 days. On the hop and under pressure I said yes. I then looked into it and reflected and looked into my annual leave (which I would have to lose 4 days of!!!) and texted you within two days to say I would have to lose my annual leave and I just didn’t feel I could do it, you replied putting me under pressure saying it would be ‘easy’ and no trouble, despite me already saying no. You told me I was letting YOU down and it was short notice despite only asking me a couple of days before. I replied saying I was sorry but it was a no. I assume this passive aggressive post is aimed at me. It is a HUGE ask to get someone to look after your child, even if you are close family -

that’s what I would want to send

in reality I’d post underneath - I entirely agree with you.

or ignore

or post my own
see attached

or even better as Michelle Obama says go high when they go low - defriend or mute her and don’t react

I would so want to respond though 😆and I would sit on my hands not to

Don’t do this. Just no. You don’t owe her anything and the pressure when you said no shows she does not care about you at all.

I would totally comment on that with 'Great advice' and a kissy face.

I think I'd have to like the post, comment "this is really good advice and I will defo follow it. Thank you for sharing!"

The OP would be nuts to do this. The CF would just hear 'you can look after my sprog' and be delighted, she won't bother with the other bits.

In plain and simple terms, she is annoyed because you have let her know she can't take the piss anymore.
A very childish and cowardly way of doing things. You know what she's like now dump her, your life will be so much better. I hate to say this but this woman was never your friend, you were valued by what you could do for her. She even expected you to take valued annual leave.

It may not just be for you if everyone else is saying no! You did the right thing

I'd have to respond with a singular giant laughing emoji.

She's not your friend.

I'd just post the link to this thread underneath. But I'm not very mature.

Silence is the most dignified way to deal with this. But you can use this if you want to fo undignified...

Hopefully this image will be approved. I feel it always gets my point across. May it serve you well.

I hope you're OK op. Her behaviour is appalling and mouth-droppingly cheeky and all that but it's also really unkind and hurtful. It's nasty and manipulative and gaslighting and actually, when you think about it, pretty damn cruel.

Or this one;

She's a passive aggressive CF and you are well rid.

She's getting to make you feel bad by 'letting her down' - it was only 3 days after you'd agreed to a future plan so that is bs.

She deliberately put you in a position where it would be hard to say no.

Plus - leaving a 19 month old for 4 days? Poor kid, that's ages at that age, they will think they've been abandoned.