Page 21 | Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

FlyingHighandDry · 2025-08-13T17:03:16+00:00

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together) I really really don’t want to do this. She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing. I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6. They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare! Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them. Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this. I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Beesandhoney123 · 15/08/2025 00:21

Whilst waiting for a reply, remember it's not your problem to find a solution or alternative solution too.

Also, grab your diary- electronic or paper, and fill it in immediately ' paid pilates classes' first thing then straight from work to dinner and a ticketed event- just pick any- block out time. Then you won't get pulled into / guilt tripped - doing an after work night shift from someone who has had him all day.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:21

Beesandhoney123 · 15/08/2025 00:21

Whilst waiting for a reply, remember it's not your problem to find a solution or alternative solution too.

Also, grab your diary- electronic or paper, and fill it in immediately ' paid pilates classes' first thing then straight from work to dinner and a ticketed event- just pick any- block out time. Then you won't get pulled into / guilt tripped - doing an after work night shift from someone who has had him all day.

OP updated a while ago, it's sorted.

DrBlackbird · 15/08/2025 00:24

Okay I know it’s sorted but is it just me that hates to be called ‘hun’?

"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

FloofyKat · 15/08/2025 00:34

Apart from anything else it’s clear your ‘friend’ hasn’t planned properly for this trip. She only asked you at the weekend, and when you say you can’t help just a few days later, she’s already claiming it’s ‘really short notice’ to find someone else!

Excellent responses to her texts, by the way.

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 00:38

Why didn't she just ask whoever has the eldest, to have the younger one, too? Or find someone who could both, not split them into two families? She sounds really disorganised and really, really cheeky.

I don't get the need for both of them to go to this work thing. Not withstanding that this isn't the '80s anymore, the invention of the internet and the invention of skype and zoom should mean the need for travel has been made obsolete, I am sure only one of them needs to go and can be the representative/proxy for the other. Sounds like she's just after a trip at your expense.

Hold firm and don't whatever you do, give in.

Beesandhoney123 · 15/08/2025 00:41

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:21

OP updated a while ago, it's sorted.

Show quote history

I did read the thread. Looks to me like it might not be over just yet, given the reply op posted. Imo which might be wrong

Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

PixieTales · 15/08/2025 00:42

Well done OP for not giving in!

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:48

Beesandhoney123 · 15/08/2025 00:41

I did read the thread. Looks to me like it might not be over just yet, given the reply op posted. Imo which might be wrong

Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

Show quote history

She has responded since then too though to the further attempts to coerce her:

'So I replied. "It's really nice that you would trust me, however I can't do this. You caught me on the hop and I felt obliged to say yes, however now I've had time to think about it this is not something I can commit to. I hope you get something sorted." and "Thank you for giving me the kick up the bum I needed to say no!"

I am glad OP didn't give in.

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 00:49

Kelly1969 · 15/08/2025 00:06

MN please bring back the laughing emoji for comments like this!

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The laughing emoji didn't go anywhere. You can find it by clicking on the smile section at the bottom right of the text box.

Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:53

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 00:49

The laughing emoji didn't go anywhere. You can find it by clicking on the smile section at the bottom right of the text box.

Show quote history

No, you used to be able to respond to people's posts with an agree, thanks, love or a laughing emoji, straight to the comment, not as a quoted reply.

To be honest, I think we should go back to the days where you could upvote and downvote posts and everyone could see it, but mumsnet are scared the extremely over sensitive people will then leave the site and give them less advertising revenue.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 15/08/2025 01:16

Phoebe to the rescue with the only answer.

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 01:32

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:53

No, you used to be able to respond to people's posts with an agree, thanks, love or a laughing emoji, straight to the comment, not as a quoted reply.

To be honest, I think we should go back to the days where you could upvote and downvote posts and everyone could see it, but mumsnet are scared the extremely over sensitive people will then leave the site and give them less advertising revenue.

Show quote history

Or maybe just go back to the days of ordinary posting with no up or down votes or reactions. How it used to be in the old days. Not sure why people need to vote on posts and feel the need to have them seen. I prefer no voting or reactions at all. It distracts from the posts I feel. But I understand others may feel differently.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 01:37

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 01:32

Or maybe just go back to the days of ordinary posting with no up or down votes or reactions. How it used to be in the old days. Not sure why people need to vote on posts and feel the need to have them seen. I prefer no voting or reactions at all. It distracts from the posts I feel. But I understand others may feel differently.

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I disagree, I'd like to see all the reactions in plain sight, but everyone is entitled to their own view.

Kelly1969 · 15/08/2025 01:52

Anotherbeeloudglade · 15/08/2025 00:53

No, you used to be able to respond to people's posts with an agree, thanks, love or a laughing emoji, straight to the comment, not as a quoted reply.

To be honest, I think we should go back to the days where you could upvote and downvote posts and everyone could see it, but mumsnet are scared the extremely over sensitive people will then leave the site and give them less advertising revenue.

Show quote history

Phew 😮‍💨 thought I was going crazy as I couldn’t see it!

the5thgoldengirl · 15/08/2025 02:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

echt · 15/08/2025 02:50

ThatBlackCat · 15/08/2025 01:32

Or maybe just go back to the days of ordinary posting with no up or down votes or reactions. How it used to be in the old days. Not sure why people need to vote on posts and feel the need to have them seen. I prefer no voting or reactions at all. It distracts from the posts I feel. But I understand others may feel differently.

Show quote history

It was MN who set up the voting and can take it down.

I thought then and think now it's fatuous, taking the place of actually writing something. I don't vote.

Scentedjasmin · 15/08/2025 06:16

A side note, but my experience with cheeky fuckers is that they almost always start their messages with 'Hun'!

olympicsrock · 15/08/2025 06:59

Utter cheeky fucker! I can’t imagine anyone agreeing to do this - even if they didn’t work .

She better cancel her trip

Floralcat · 15/08/2025 07:03

Absolute insane behaviour of your friend expecting you to take annual leave to look after her child- like in a dire emergency with an absolute best friend needing to fly to be with a dying parent i would consider this but otherwise they need to arrange with their family or take their child with them and get a short term childcare person to come with them. Stand your ground and politely say you were taken by surprise but you can’t take annual leave to do this and don't think its fair on you or her child. If she kicks off about it is she the sort of friend you want in your life anyway?

eluned16 · 15/08/2025 07:25

Oh my goodness nightmare! So happy that you managed to tell her. Brilliant! Definitely the right thing

winter8090 · 15/08/2025 07:33

Simply say you checked with work and they declined the annual leave because others are off at that time.

Blueberry911 · 15/08/2025 07:40

winter8090 · 15/08/2025 07:33

Simply say you checked with work and they declined the annual leave because others are off at that time.

A lie wouldn't have been helpful here. Expecting a loose friend take a weeks holiday to look after your child while you go on holiday is inappropriate.

Thenextstep82 · 15/08/2025 07:47

If she/he is no bother then they can take their own child with them away!

She sounds very manipulative and the way she qpproached it in the first place was so you couldn't say no. The guilt tripping after is not nice at all!

Original poster

FlyingHighandDry · 15/08/2025 07:54

Update!!
Haven't heard a peep from her but woke up to this on her facebook and instagram stories.
Totally aimed at me right?!
(hope image is attached!)

OP posts:

tangerinemagic · 15/08/2025 07:56

FlyingHighandDry · 15/08/2025 07:54

Update!!
Haven't heard a peep from her but woke up to this on her facebook and instagram stories.
Totally aimed at me right?!
(hope image is attached!)

Gaslighting. Mutual friends might get a contorted version of what happened. Your friend is annoyed because she can’t freeload off you anymore. Plain and simple.