Page 20 | Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

FlyingHighandDry · 2025-08-13T17:03:16+00:00

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together) I really really don’t want to do this. She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing. I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6. They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare! Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them. Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this. I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Enrichetta · 14/08/2025 21:38

Frostywinterwoods · 14/08/2025 21:22

Wow! I'm guessing everyone if English.. Wow and wow again.. With friends like you all, who needs enemies. Precious annual leave. I mean it's a friend she needs help. And you all slating her off. This is why everyone is miserable, look after number 1 first. Thing is when it comes to YOU needing help.. Oh yes I forgot, you don't ask. I'm guessing she has no family friends. Argh wait a minute no family to ask. Believe it or not, once upon a time, neighbours used to look after each other help each other.

One day - okay, if she is a good friend.
2 days - maybe… - if she can be trusted to reciprocate in some way.
More than 2 days, necessitating OP sacrificing nearly a week’s AL?!! No way.

There are nanny agencies - she and her husband will just have to book a nanny for a week. Pricey, but that’s the cost of quality childcare.

whackamole666 · 14/08/2025 21:51

Frostywinterwoods · 14/08/2025 21:22

Wow! I'm guessing everyone if English.. Wow and wow again.. With friends like you all, who needs enemies. Precious annual leave. I mean it's a friend she needs help. And you all slating her off. This is why everyone is miserable, look after number 1 first. Thing is when it comes to YOU needing help.. Oh yes I forgot, you don't ask. I'm guessing she has no family friends. Argh wait a minute no family to ask. Believe it or not, once upon a time, neighbours used to look after each other help each other.

Well you look after the baby for 4 days then!

Pudmyboy · 14/08/2025 21:51

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 12:15

Sorry for the slow response .... busy time in work!
She read the message straight away (whatsapp 2 blue ticks) but didn't reply until this morning.
Have copied and pasted below
"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

So I replied.
"It's really nice that you would trust me, however I can't do this. You caught me on the hop and I felt obliged to say yes, however now I've had time to think about it this is not something I can commit to. I hope you get something sorted."

She's read it. No reply!!

I don't doubt that it is a genuine work trip that both her and her DH have to go on - I know their industry and it's genuine.

Thank you for giving me the kick up the bum I needed to say no!

I like her cheek in saying it's really short notice for her to find someone else, when she only asked you less than a week ago!
Well done for holding firm, I salute you!

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:54

Frostywinterwoods · 14/08/2025 21:22

Wow! I'm guessing everyone if English.. Wow and wow again.. With friends like you all, who needs enemies. Precious annual leave. I mean it's a friend she needs help. And you all slating her off. This is why everyone is miserable, look after number 1 first. Thing is when it comes to YOU needing help.. Oh yes I forgot, you don't ask. I'm guessing she has no family friends. Argh wait a minute no family to ask. Believe it or not, once upon a time, neighbours used to look after each other help each other.

Found the CF 😅

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:55

Pudmyboy · 14/08/2025 21:51

I like her cheek in saying it's really short notice for her to find someone else, when she only asked you less than a week ago!
Well done for holding firm, I salute you!

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In fact, she only tried to railroad the OP two days before the OP said no. Saying it's short notice is a total manipulation - but that's to be expected.

nomas · 14/08/2025 21:56

Frostywinterwoods · 14/08/2025 21:22

Wow! I'm guessing everyone if English.. Wow and wow again.. With friends like you all, who needs enemies. Precious annual leave. I mean it's a friend she needs help. And you all slating her off. This is why everyone is miserable, look after number 1 first. Thing is when it comes to YOU needing help.. Oh yes I forgot, you don't ask. I'm guessing she has no family friends. Argh wait a minute no family to ask. Believe it or not, once upon a time, neighbours used to look after each other help each other.

When’s the last time you took 4 days of annual
leave to take care of a friends’s child?

nomas · 14/08/2025 21:57

wimonnzy · 14/08/2025 18:33

Well done OP, I'm very proud of you. Time to take back control from users and others might learn from your experience and courage!

I had something similar, but very different last week. Neighbour up the road same age as me, lives alone like me had a small accident at home and hurt her foot, couldn't walk just hobble and was in pain. Would I go to the chemist and get her X Y and Z and could I pick up a few bits in the shop also.

Absolutely no problem, there but for the grace of God go I. I dropped the stuff in and never heard anything more. The chemist stuff cost £24 and the shopping £22. I let it go that day thinking she was ill and in pain. Nothing next day despite me asking by text how she was, then I saw her get in her car and zoom off!

I rang her, not text. Asked how she was blah blah, I see you're able to drive now Joan, you better now? Yep thanks, gotta go see you soon. Oh hang on a minute you know the shopping I got for you a few days ago, well it came to £46.

I didn't say anything else, and she said she would pay me that day. I got it a week later and had to ask three times. I felt awful, but then I thought, why should I? I had gone to the chemist, the shop, made her a sandwich, filled her kettle and other little bits. Anyway Revoluted in the end. But honestly, if I hadn't asked I doubt I would have seen a penny.

Well done for getting your money back.

Sounds like she saw it as an opportunity to fleece you.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 21:58

Asking someone you are friendly with to look after the health, wellbeing and safety of a toddler for four days while you piss off out of the country on a holiday with your husband is way beyond cheeky fuckery, it's also neglectful and very bad parenting.

I do not believe for a second the cheeky fucker HAS to go on the work related holiday, she wants a few days away with her husband. But regardless, the problem is theirs, nobody else's. If she can't work around her kids she (or he) will have to change jobs.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 14/08/2025 22:03

Firstly, this woman and her husband are totally irresponsible to leave their one precious child with a friend, and by the sound of it not even a close friend. Secondly, suggest she ask her own family to help. Absolutely crazy, some people don’t deserve children.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:08

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 18:51

This is what made me most anxious I think - my home isn’t baby proofed anymore so I would never be able to take my eyes off their DC.
Unless… and this has just crossed my mind… she was expecting me to move into their home instead?!
Guess I’ll never know now though. No response so I’m guessing that’s it!
Thank you all!

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Honestly, she is doing you a massive favour by leaving you alone, otherwise you'd only have to fade her out anyway. CFs never learn and do not stop asking for ridiculous favours just because they are rebuffed.

Isittimeformynapyet · 14/08/2025 22:12

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 14/08/2025 20:03

Rip the plaster off quickly and call and say you can’t get annual leave. She shouldn’t have asked IMO, I wouldn’t even ask my sister or Mum to do 4 days. It’s ridiculous but if you leave it too long then you’ll become the AH.

Maybe read an update or two?

Rightsraptor · 14/08/2025 22:14

God, she is one cheeky mare! She asked you only three days ago, and she's claiming your bowing out is very short notice when she's not going away until October? She obviously works on a very different time frame from the rest of us.

Anon501178 · 14/08/2025 22:29

That's a long time for a little toddler to be away from their parents.....I'd be declining it on that principle anyway, not alone the fact it's bloody cheeky to be so expectant of you!

Zanatdy · 14/08/2025 22:30

Her response is so cheeky, what am I supposed to do now? Well not your problem, and it was only 3 days earlier she asked, so the short notice is her own issue. My friend has paid her childminder before now to have her child overnight, cost her an absolute fortune though, but she needed to move house and her DD is autistic and so just easier for her not to be in the way. She is pretty cheeky too, she’s asked me to babysit a couple of times, and it’s so she can attend hospital appt so I don’t mind. But now she’s asked so she can attend a work social. You can’t take your eyes off her so it’s not easy at all.

Yachtingaroundtheworldiwish · 14/08/2025 22:55

Well done for saying no. When you are caught unprepared it’s really hard to say no.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:57

Zanatdy · 14/08/2025 22:30

Her response is so cheeky, what am I supposed to do now? Well not your problem, and it was only 3 days earlier she asked, so the short notice is her own issue. My friend has paid her childminder before now to have her child overnight, cost her an absolute fortune though, but she needed to move house and her DD is autistic and so just easier for her not to be in the way. She is pretty cheeky too, she’s asked me to babysit a couple of times, and it’s so she can attend hospital appt so I don’t mind. But now she’s asked so she can attend a work social. You can’t take your eyes off her so it’s not easy at all.

I would be nipping this in the bud to be honest, before you end up being asked to have the child overnight, or for longer.

Zanatdy · 14/08/2025 23:00

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 22:57

I would be nipping this in the bud to be honest, before you end up being asked to have the child overnight, or for longer.

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Yeah I didn’t say yes to the work event, only so far for the medical appointments as it’s hard to take her child with her due to her needs. But yes, I need to be careful with boundaries with her, as she is cheeky. She has no help either, but that’s not my issue and my DC have grown up now, and I didn’t have much help either.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 23:13

Zanatdy · 14/08/2025 23:00

Yeah I didn’t say yes to the work event, only so far for the medical appointments as it’s hard to take her child with her due to her needs. But yes, I need to be careful with boundaries with her, as she is cheeky. She has no help either, but that’s not my issue and my DC have grown up now, and I didn’t have much help either.

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Right, I had zero help as I was abroad with mine, so I guess that made me resilient. But I like to think I'd never have been a CF anyway and later on was always grateful for any help offered. She needs to put supports in place for unexpected events, whatever that looks like. I am glad you have boundaries, too many of us get taken advantage of.

Soontobesingles · 14/08/2025 23:33

The other baffling thing about this, that nobody has seemed to mention yet, is that if her industry requires regular overseas trips why hasn’t she got a plan for childcare to facilitate her work? You cannot just expect friends to sort out your childcare to cover your work responsibilities. My toddler and DH usually accompany me on overseas trips precisely because toddlers get very upset without their mother.

Maxorias · 14/08/2025 23:44

I'm not sure why everyone is piling on the toddler's mom. I think asking is fine. It's only an issue when people can't take no for an answer and keep insisting. In this case she asked, OP said yes, then no, mom tried to insist one time and then let it drop.

But just asking is only an issue when wet blankets don't know how to say no, and then are quietly resentful of the other person... That's crazy. Just say no next time OP instead of creating so much needless drama and angst.

Anotherbeeloudglade · 14/08/2025 23:55

Maxorias · 14/08/2025 23:44

I'm not sure why everyone is piling on the toddler's mom. I think asking is fine. It's only an issue when people can't take no for an answer and keep insisting. In this case she asked, OP said yes, then no, mom tried to insist one time and then let it drop.

But just asking is only an issue when wet blankets don't know how to say no, and then are quietly resentful of the other person... That's crazy. Just say no next time OP instead of creating so much needless drama and angst.

Nah. she should never have asked, imagine demanding someone take annual leave to do your job as a parent. Complete cheeky fuckery and bad parenting, and when she was told no two days later she DID try not to take no for an answer and pretended it was short notice despite OP telling her no ony 48 hours later.

And nah, OP wasn't quietly resentful she was railroaded and then thought better of it and stood up for herself.

Only a cheeky fucker would claim not to see that 🙂

Needspaceforlego · 14/08/2025 23:56

Maxorias · 14/08/2025 23:44

I'm not sure why everyone is piling on the toddler's mom. I think asking is fine. It's only an issue when people can't take no for an answer and keep insisting. In this case she asked, OP said yes, then no, mom tried to insist one time and then let it drop.

But just asking is only an issue when wet blankets don't know how to say no, and then are quietly resentful of the other person... That's crazy. Just say no next time OP instead of creating so much needless drama and angst.

People are piling on the mother because its cruel to the child, who's not going to understand that Mum and Dad are coming back.
Its also cruel to the Op to expect her to cope with a crying baby for days.

Nobody leaves a baby for that long unless they absolutely need to.

thebluehour · 14/08/2025 23:56

Maxorias · 14/08/2025 23:44

I'm not sure why everyone is piling on the toddler's mom. I think asking is fine. It's only an issue when people can't take no for an answer and keep insisting. In this case she asked, OP said yes, then no, mom tried to insist one time and then let it drop.

But just asking is only an issue when wet blankets don't know how to say no, and then are quietly resentful of the other person... That's crazy. Just say no next time OP instead of creating so much needless drama and angst.

No sane or decent person would ask this of a working woman with the expectation she would take time off work to fulfill this major favour.

The bizarre expectation, the insistence, the pressure - all of that is an issue.

Kelly1969 · 15/08/2025 00:03

Frostywinterwoods · 14/08/2025 21:22

Wow! I'm guessing everyone if English.. Wow and wow again.. With friends like you all, who needs enemies. Precious annual leave. I mean it's a friend she needs help. And you all slating her off. This is why everyone is miserable, look after number 1 first. Thing is when it comes to YOU needing help.. Oh yes I forgot, you don't ask. I'm guessing she has no family friends. Argh wait a minute no family to ask. Believe it or not, once upon a time, neighbours used to look after each other help each other.

Haha 🤣 I think you’ve got it the wrong way, who needs friends like her!
You are obviously of the same mindset as the OP’s “friend” that you can palm your toddler off on anyone to fit in around your job!
Perhaps reread it, this isn’t a friend in desperate need for an emergency situation, it’s a work trip!
Her and DH’s employers will probably be aware they have small kids and so they shouldn’t be surprised that getting full time childcare for a toddler for 4 days would be far from easy!!
I’m guessing that OP, like 92% of people on this thread wouldn’t dream of ambushing a friend like she did.
The other 8% are CFs like you!!

Kelly1969 · 15/08/2025 00:06

Maxorias · 14/08/2025 23:44

I'm not sure why everyone is piling on the toddler's mom. I think asking is fine. It's only an issue when people can't take no for an answer and keep insisting. In this case she asked, OP said yes, then no, mom tried to insist one time and then let it drop.

But just asking is only an issue when wet blankets don't know how to say no, and then are quietly resentful of the other person... That's crazy. Just say no next time OP instead of creating so much needless drama and angst.

MN please bring back the laughing emoji for comments like this!