Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Exactly what tortie said

That exclamation mark is the sign of a cheeky fucker

As if that's gonna change things!

Her reply is just her trying to throw a guilt trip.

"No trouble at all..." if this was a 15 year old I might take that but no 19 month old is "no trouble at all"

Even if they are an absolute angel child you still need to have eyes on them 24/7

Well done OP. She's being rude and trying to make you feel bad.

This is HER PROBLEM not yours.

You've made it clear the answer is no so just ignore anymore pathetic attempts to make you feel bad.

And it’s in October so she has a few weeks to get a paid babysitter or fly someone with her to care for the little one! Total CF and trying to blackmail you into saying yes -

well done for standing your ground @FlyingHighandDry !!

Be honest tell her you can't as your work schedule won't accommodate her child's nursery hours. Tell her unless she's either going to pay you for the days you aren't working or she puts her child in nursery for enough additional hours in order for you to work you're not going to be available to look after him

This is what made me most anxious I think - my home isn’t baby proofed anymore so I would never be able to take my eyes off their DC.
Unless… and this has just crossed my mind… she was expecting me to move into their home instead?!
Guess I’ll never know now though. No response so I’m guessing that’s it!
Thank you all!

Good on you for sticking to your guns OP.

“No trouble “ haha, so you could take him to work and not need to take AL?

Fine: if he’s that lucid and portable they can take him with them

19 month old... "no trouble at all" 😅
If that was true how come she's got someone else for her elder child but not this one?
Unbelievable CFs, both her and her partner

Good for you, OP! The cheek!

Well done for standing your ground. It’s a massive cheek that she even asked in the first place. Either her or her DH need to decline the work trip as it’s not possible for parents of young children to both be away at the same time.

This is insane! I've a child around the same age and I wouldn't leave them with a friend overnight, nevermind for a few days. I'm flabbergasted.

Tell her under no uncertain terms that you don't feel comfortable with this. A real friend would understand this is not acceptable.

If she does this to other people then she is a CF who is using you all!

A real friend would just say ‘no problem at all. Completely understand’. She definitely sounds like a bulldozer.

Has she replied yet? What a cfer.

Rip the plaster off quickly and call and say you can’t get annual leave. She shouldn’t have asked IMO, I wouldn’t even ask my sister or Mum to do 4 days. It’s ridiculous but if you leave it too long then you’ll become the AH.

If she only asked you on Sunday, she should have had a plan B, so that's the one she should go with. If she had no plan B, tough. It's a situation of her own making.

So now she's trying to guilt you into it by saying it's short notice to find someone else ? She only asked you a few days ago and she's got until October, it's only mid August. It's on her not you, her childcare problems are not your responsibility.

Welldone Op !!!!!!

I’m not how she can say it’s short notice. October is two months away, not next week. She’s got plenty of time to sort something out. If she can’t find anyone, one of them won’t be able to go on the trip (or take child with them). She should have thought of this before booking the trip!

Gosh, I wonder why whoever is taking the other child doesn't want to take the 19-month old as well. Oh, hang on ... no, I don't.

"short notice" ?

that's just bollocks

it's mid August and she doesn't need it until October, over a month and possibly up to two months (depending on when in October)

she's a CF and she's outright lying

words have meanings, short notice is NOT nearly two months

There is a phrase (reworked a bit) that comes to mind..... I wont let your bad planning become my emergency.

Wow! I'm guessing everyone if English.. Wow and wow again.. With friends like you all, who needs enemies. Precious annual leave. I mean it's a friend she needs help. And you all slating her off. This is why everyone is miserable, look after number 1 first. Thing is when it comes to YOU needing help.. Oh yes I forgot, you don't ask. I'm guessing she has no family friends. Argh wait a minute no family to ask. Believe it or not, once upon a time, neighbours used to look after each other help each other.

Are you also a CF?

@Frostywinterwoods Thats a bit unfair. Just because someone asks you to do something, you’re not obliged to do as they ask. Also, the friend is implying she wants help at short notice, whilst it’s not needed until October. Also, do both friend and husband need to go on this work trip? Nowadays, a lot can be done via teams etc so in theory, friend or her husband could stay at home.

Just say you can't do it, you don't need a reason!