Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Brilliant work, OP.

She’s not a friend. And the idea of her randomly asking people to care for her baby is pretty appalling.

Not a chance unless one parent was in intensive care and the other was by their bedside.

Love it when people find their backbone, well done OP.
I see that two Masterchef contestants have dropped out of the pre recorded programme, because they don't want be associated with Torrode and Wallace. Wimps.
So too the World leaders who dance to Putin's tune.
More backbone all round I say.

Do not feel bad, OP.

Any decent person would understand that this is the kind of thing that you’d ask someone to think about for a few days and let you know - and they’d reassure you that saying no would be fine and no hard feelings.

Anyone who ambushes you with it, expects an answer instantly and then makes you feel bad when you’ve considered it carefully and tries to make it your problem is no friend.

(Tbf, the use of the term ‘hun’ is one hell of a red flag.)

And I bet she’d expect you to give her lengthy daily reports and face-time etc with the toddler. Your work would never be done.

Reminds me of a young co-worker whose new husband was strong-armed by a man he'd met at the gym to babysit their 8 month old (baby! not even a toddler!). Apparently, the older kids were being watched by a grandma and the parents were to be gone a full 2 weeks for a vacation!! Young co-worker (early 20s) and DH wanted to be parents someday, so the CF said, "Here's your chance to practice."

We all warned her (and frankly, some of us suggested a call to social services to investigate child neglect) but she did it anyways, despite having never met the baby in question until CF dropped said child off at doorstep.

We all helped her w/ advice as we were mothers, but it was a rough 2 weeks. Tough lesson for her and new DH to learn. I still worry about that child and his probable attachment issues.

Well done OP. You have handled this brilliantly.

She's definitely a CF

That is insane! I thought the OP was bad enough (the “friend sounds like a total cheeky cow”) but this is mental! I cannot believe anyone would do that 😳

ETA good on you OP - I would avoid this friend in future…

Sweet lord no

Just realised I can't do this
So sorry
aL issues

Blah. Blah

Over past few years I have taken a ex friends kids for 10-15 days each summer

9 to 6
Trips away
Park , ice cream, lunch and lots of snacks

What has she done to help me as a single parent?

She took mine twice in the last three years

So I put an end to it

Not happy being a walk over

Just don't do it OP

Life is too short to be stressed

A few years back I said yes to my DDs friend staying for a few days whilst her parents went on business trip (jolly) to South Africa. DD and friend were 7/8 at the time. Then friend became sick and only wanted her DPs. This child is even younger so should be with parents or close family. Be warned.

Exactly. It’s such lot of responsibility. What if the child was unwell and decisions had to be made regarding medical care (even giving calpol). Or if the child was emotionally struggling without their parents and needing a huge amount of support (at night too).

Absolutely no way would I do this. The baby is too young and you should not have this responsibility

Well done OP! 🍾

This

This

I’m shocked they would leave their 19 month old for that long. I really don’t think that’s okay.

It's not short notice, she asked you only 3 days ago, and the trip isn't until October.

To put it bluntly, her child is not your problem, so she needs to find somebody else, or hire a temporary nanny and take the kid with her.

Wow that’s CF in its extreme! I’m glad you told them no, one of them will have to just not go, they shouldn’t have kids if they won’t work them around s their careers

I'd have said the opposite actually - 'out of sight, out of mind' - making the most of her time off. I wouldn't even have put it past her when they came back to say "can you keep him one more night, we're soooooo tired right now" 🤔😂

Delighted you messaged her and told her no. She literally sprung it on you so you did not have a chance to say no knowing you are kind hearted so assumed you would just go along with it having said yes so I am delighted you took back your own control. Honestly it is her problem what she does with her kids not yours. The cheek of her astounds me.

OMG what a cheek, I'd say NFW!

You are unreasonable as you said yes and should have said no. However, you can get out of it by saying you can’t get the time off. Do it quickly though as they will need to get someone else.

This. 👍🏻

Well done op 👏

She's already responded, got a message back and responded to that.