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Original poster

Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

1000 replies

FlyingHighandDry · 13/08/2025 18:03

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
28
Delatron · 14/08/2025 14:47

Noshowlomo · 14/08/2025 14:46

I doubt you’ll hear from her again, you’re no use now

Yes and you’ve shown her you won’t have any of her nonsense.

WillyWonkasPurpleHat · 14/08/2025 14:53

ConstitutionHill · 14/08/2025 12:57

What have I just read!? Plenty of responses to choose from. Please come back and tell us that you told her no!

Or you could just try reading the OP's replies...

Original poster
FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 14:54

Caterina99 · 14/08/2025 14:26

Do you have your own kids op?

Not that it really matters, but I think it’s even worse if you don’t. Toddlers are very hard work, and I’m not sure I appreciated that until I had my own.

A “village” is lovely. I have lots of people who would definitely help me out if I needed it (and me to them), but looking after such a small child for 4 days for any reason other than it’s parent is in intensive care or something is absolutely crossing the line!

I do have 3 DC of my own but they have all flown the nest apart from 19 y/o DS.
I do remember how hard toddlers are though!

CF and I are quite close in age, but I had my DC in my early twenties, while she has just started now in her late thirties.

Someone else asked could this be an arrangement where I could get childcare in return? Absolutely not!! My Dc are well past that!

Still no reply to my last message.

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 14/08/2025 15:02

I would be surprised if she answered your last one @FlyingHighandDry to be honest, assuming that she now realises you aren't going to change your mind!

amillionandone · 14/08/2025 15:05

Wow, the 'short notice' guilt trip is hilarious! I'd be so tempted to pull her up on that one, but it's better to take the high road. Just do not give in to her tactics, and I'd be keeping her at arm's length from now on. Avoiding her calls, reducing my availability, etc. She's not much of a friend to not only ask so much, but to keep pressing you on it even after you've politely said it's not possible. Absolutely a shameless user.

FrippEnos · 14/08/2025 15:09

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 14:54

I do have 3 DC of my own but they have all flown the nest apart from 19 y/o DS.
I do remember how hard toddlers are though!

CF and I are quite close in age, but I had my DC in my early twenties, while she has just started now in her late thirties.

Someone else asked could this be an arrangement where I could get childcare in return? Absolutely not!! My Dc are well past that!

Still no reply to my last message.

Show quote history

Just a thought

Mainly because I am a skeptic.

Prime your DC in this so that they know what is going on and that you have said no.

coxesorangepippin · 14/08/2025 15:12

A village is great.

However, there are some villagers that take from the village but never give.

This is such an example.

ACynicalDad · 14/08/2025 15:13

Is really short notice! It’s only 3 days different. CF.

Hecatoncheires · 14/08/2025 15:16

Good for you standing up for yourself, OP. You should feel proud of yourself. Practice makes perfect so the next time will be easier too.

nomas · 14/08/2025 15:17

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 12:15

Sorry for the slow response .... busy time in work!
She read the message straight away (whatsapp 2 blue ticks) but didn't reply until this morning.
Have copied and pasted below
"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

So I replied.
"It's really nice that you would trust me, however I can't do this. You caught me on the hop and I felt obliged to say yes, however now I've had time to think about it this is not something I can commit to. I hope you get something sorted."

She's read it. No reply!!

I don't doubt that it is a genuine work trip that both her and her DH have to go on - I know their industry and it's genuine.

Thank you for giving me the kick up the bum I needed to say no!

Is she guilt tripping you by saying you’re letting her down last minute?

But she herself asked you recently didn’t she?

So glad you said no!

YesHonestly · 14/08/2025 15:19

The fact that she replied with anything other than “no worries at all, thank you for even considering it - I know it was a big ask!” tells you everything you need to know about this “friend”.

BCBird · 14/08/2025 15:20

Just read ur update good for u OP. This is far too big an ask. Stick to.ur guns. They can't both go- simple

SimplySandy · 14/08/2025 15:23

FlyingHighandDry · 13/08/2025 18:03

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

I said yes to something similar once. Then I realised I really didn’t want to and said, “Sorry, my circumstances have changed and I just can’t do it any more.” She tried to guilt me back into it but I just said no and the relief was so immense. Just tell her no. Sorry you’ve been put in this position. x

ghostofadog · 14/08/2025 15:23

Well done for standing up for yourself OP! 💪

kimbear87 · 14/08/2025 15:34

Tell her to piss off.

JustSawJohnny · 14/08/2025 15:34

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 14:54

I do have 3 DC of my own but they have all flown the nest apart from 19 y/o DS.
I do remember how hard toddlers are though!

CF and I are quite close in age, but I had my DC in my early twenties, while she has just started now in her late thirties.

Someone else asked could this be an arrangement where I could get childcare in return? Absolutely not!! My Dc are well past that!

Still no reply to my last message.

Show quote history

Let her throw her toys.

You shouldn't have to take days of annual leave to do her a favour and she should appreciate that.

You've been polite and honest. If she's not capable of the same, that's her problem.

Late40sBloomer · 14/08/2025 15:35

Good for you!
I used to get into these situations all the time. These days I never commit to anything immediately, I always say I need to check my diary (even things I love!)

In your situation, any response other than "no worries, thanks for letting me know quickly" is unreasonable.

Cinaferna · 14/08/2025 15:39

.

LuckyPeonies · 14/08/2025 15:40

Have copied and pasted below
"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

Really short notice to find someone else? She asked you only 3 days ago but she makes it sound like she asked 3 months ago and you’ve just now decided to cancel. 🙄

WishICouldBeLikeDavidWatts · 14/08/2025 15:40

Cranberryavocado · 13/08/2025 18:27

My default answer to each and every request from anyone about anything, ranging from my own children to friends to clients, is I will have to check and get back to you.
As someone who also struggles to quickly think through the consequences of saying yes to something, I have this default answer to everything then I can think it through and come back with yes or no with reasons.
You have already said yes, and now she will be relying on you and so you need now to tell her today that you can not do this, due to annual leave and work. That is perfectly valid and if she has an issue with it then she isnt really a friend.

This is a top tip, OP. Another one, if the person is reluctant to give you time, is to say if you need an answer right now then the answer is o. If they won't allow you time to think something over then they're trying to railroad you, and that in itself deserves a no!

MiniCooperLover · 14/08/2025 15:43

It's not short notice, it's October and she only asked you three days ago! Do not fall for the guilt trip ...

pizzaHeart · 14/08/2025 15:54

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 14:54

I do have 3 DC of my own but they have all flown the nest apart from 19 y/o DS.
I do remember how hard toddlers are though!

CF and I are quite close in age, but I had my DC in my early twenties, while she has just started now in her late thirties.

Someone else asked could this be an arrangement where I could get childcare in return? Absolutely not!! My Dc are well past that!

Still no reply to my last message.

Show quote history

Well she is probably busy arranging childcare so leave her to it.
Just remember a few things:

  • it’s not too late to find someone she asked you only 3 days ago so it’s b* t
  • dont go into any negotiations or any sort of childcare arrangements with her even for a few hours as CFs usually can’t be trusted
  • its not like she needed childcare while in for a surgery, she can go without this break easily
  • Well done for standing up for yourself. We all are behind you 😉
nomas · 14/08/2025 16:01

I would want to send her this.

Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days
BasicBrumble · 14/08/2025 16:01

Does she realise she was asking you to spend annual leave on this? Madness.

Please stay strong!

Moveoverdarlin · 14/08/2025 16:07

Think you have handled it really well OP. Her response has made me feel less sorry for her. She sounds cheeky as fuck. She’s making it sound like it’s a joint problem you need to sort together. Fucking hell the cheek of some people. How can anyone say that a 19 month old is no trouble for 4 bloody days. I’m guessing he is, hence she has no childcare.

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