Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

“Really short notice” - she’s got some front!!

Asked you 3 days ago and the trip is in October - you haven’t given her “short notice of anything”. It’s like she thinks her toddler is somehow your responsibility!

Well done for sticking to your guns Op.

”What am I supposed to do now?” - whatever options were open to you before you tried to ambush the OP!

Way too much responsibility - the child is very young. She should hire a nanny for an assignment like that!

Also, even if you really wanted to look after the child, you could still be waiting to get your annual leave confirmed. The mum should have expected you to spend a few days checking your diary and getting annual leave booked etc.

Anyway, well done for being true to yourself. It's liberating and gets easier with time.

Well done for telling her no OP. I bet the husband isn't trying to strongarm his friends into minding the baby for their trip!

Hey,

I put in my annual leave request for October and found today it has been declined since others have already booked that time off I am needed as they will be short staffed, im really sorry but I'm letting you know now so you have time to find alternitive care.

Yes i agree with others.. some have given examples what to say....do it now. X

OP so glad to see you’ve sorted this out! I can’t believe the CFery to reply piling on the pressure!

My DM once had a friend who would do this annually. She had 4 DC who she would farm out to friends every year so she could accompany her husband on an annual work thing abroad. We used to dread it so much! They were not very nice children, always complaining the food wasn’t as good as their mums, the tv wasn’t as good etc etc. one year they arrived and all looked rather green. It turned out they had the vomiting bug and the CF mother declined to tell us. By the end of the week we were all sick. Needless to say we never took them again!

That’s unbelievable!

This is wild. The only people I would ask that favour from is my parents - my DC is 2.5 and they have had her for 2 nights while I and DH were both on work trips overseas. Even that was a wrench. The reality is a toddler is going to be massively unsettled on top of already being really hard work in this scenario.

Sounds like she'd already factored ou into being the solution to her problem..if she only asked you on Sunday.
The trip isn't until October..she's got plenty of time to find an alternative.

ffs if it was short notice of you to cancel then it was certainly short notice of her to ask as well, so cheeky expecting you to take time off work yourself so she could go to a work thing!

Probably not, and certainly not one thats heartbroken wanting Mum when they have zero concept of time or that Mum will be back in 4 days.

Could be weeks, months, years to a kid that young, whats a day?
Whats 4?
3 sleeps, whats a sleep,,does a 30 second nap count?

Well done op, good you missed a bullet here for future reference, honestly some people are just so cheeky aren't they, well stick to your guns, she'll probably ignore you for a bit you know, oh been so busy lately, what ever you're done the right thing,

Do you have your own kids op?

Not that it really matters, but I think it’s even worse if you don’t. Toddlers are very hard work, and I’m not sure I appreciated that until I had my own.

A “village” is lovely. I have lots of people who would definitely help me out if I needed it (and me to them), but looking after such a small child for 4 days for any reason other than it’s parent is in intensive care or something is absolutely crossing the line!

This sums it up.
she’s not a friend, she’s a user and bully. Feel sorry for her DC….

This is a great reply if you didn't want to ruffle feathers whilst making a mental note to never agree to anything this woman asks you again!

Even still though, you shouldn't have to lie or justify why you don't want to look after someone else's child for 4 days!! Specially when it means you taking time off, an expense for you and the poor child could be upset! She's only a toddler still!!

Like others have said, you are well within your rights to say no and she shouldn't say a word! I can't believe she tried to guilt trip you!

I'd reply back 'I can't believe you're trying to guilt trip me, I've just told you it doesn't work for me and gave you ample notice after I felt bullied into saying yes!'

She is unbelievable! I assumed from
her reply that maybe you had agreed to it months ago not 3 days ago! There is no one in the world I would ask this of for a 19 month old child including family. Maybe family have also said no. If she must go my advice would be have family staying in her house with the children and employ a nanny during the period on top. We once left our 3 children for 2 nights at a similar age for the youngest to attend a wedding a flight away. We had grandparents plus 2 au pairs to split the burden of it all!

My siblings and I still talk about it. She set the bar for CF! When my lovely DM declined the following year she was aghast much like the OPs “friend”!

Just say you can't get leave from work simple,the cheek of it.

Well done OP. I’m aghast at the cheek of her. She really is no friend.

You have to be very firm with people like this and shut them down. How dare she try and make you feel guilty - I would tell her as much. And I would be backing off the friendship.

well done OP what a joker. 'what are we meant to do?' not your problem.

Honestly the brass neck of some people is crazy

🤣

Well done for standing your ground.

She'll move onto the next person in her phone to ask for sure!

What a CF! I know plenty of people who took small children to work events, including myself. I took my 6 month old DC for work events abroad, because I breastfed and didn’t want to switch to formula/pumping. I took a family member with me, paid for their trip and made sure that they had lots of opportunities for sightseeing and having fun besides babysitting.

If your friend doesn’t have any family left they can always pay for a nanny to travel with them, right?

I doubt you’ll hear from her again, you’re no use now