Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

I very much doubt this woman has to go. She wants to go and have a nice little break with her husband.

Anyway, it's certainly not OPs problem, so glad she said no!

Well done 👏 💪 I'm sure you're never going to agree to something again without saying, "let me check my diary and I'll get back to you!"

Ugggghhh she is awful!!! What does she mean short notice, didn’t she only ask you yesterday?? Yuk. I wouldn’t want a friend like this. Imagine pretending that looking after a 2 yr old for 4 days was “no trouble” 😂. I’m actually furious on your behalf OP and normally I don’t get particularly wound up by CF threads,

Does she do.things for you how long have you been friends?

If it's a 2 way thing it can be good to have a good friend?

I can’t believe she thought you’d take annual leave !!

She asked you 3 days ago and it's "really short notice for her to find someone else"?

Err, no love! Its been 3 days and the trip over a month away. It's really poor planning on her part if she thinks it's short notice.

I wouldn't have even replied. Well done for doubling down.

Lol. Are you the CF?

Good grief! 72 hours later and now it's "really short notice" !!!! 🙄

Cheeky mare! OP I'd be tempted to grey rock her now and not engage any further as I can see a whole load of "Oh pleeeeeease hun" crap coming. Hold firm. You have 100% done the right thing.

Well done standing up to this entitled person!

It really is her problem, not yours.

If taking 3 days to decide and let her know leaves her “really short notice” then that means she asked you with really short notice! She had no intention of giving you any option to say no and didn’t leave herself any time to sort alternatives.

I cannot believe she actually expected you to use up your annual leave for her kid. Wow. Is this actually a friend you want to keep?

Her reply was absolutely textbook. Well done for standing your ground.

She really is! Her emotional blackmail infused reply is actually quite disgusting.
Now you know what she is, beware being caught in the hop again in future xx

OP, it might be that you are the last in a long line of victims here or in other words 'the soft touch of last resort'!

She's trying to guilt-trip you for cancelling at short notice when she only asked you on Sunday?! Cheeky mare!

What have I just read!? Plenty of responses to choose from. Please come back and tell us that you told her no!

Hmm - I don’t think that’s entirely true. I think people who have a village both offer and ask for help.

That said what they don’t do is pressure others. I have a fab village. Friends and I actively offer help and feel free to ask if we are stuck but none of us would ever respond to someone saying they can’t do it by guilt tripping and I doubt anyone would actually ask for childcare for a 19 month old for several nights because it’s a lot to ask a friend even if you are very supportive of one another. They might well ask for ideas/ suggestions and I can envisage that if that happened a group of us might volunteer to help but that’s quite a different scenario to the OP.

I found our village was predominantly founded on offers of help not yet asked for. It’s continued because it’s reciprocal, everyone mucks in and helps at least some of the time.

Agree! and the person who's left it late to find childcare is the 'friend' herself not OP. There is no short notice on the OP's part.

@FlyingHighandDry just refuse to engage with her messages now, you're busy at work!

Omg she’s unbelievable.

"It's not my problem to solve."

Lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine...

Short notice?! She's a laugh...

Gosh that’s fine then, if it’s short notice to find someone now it was short notice three days ok so it’s her own fault leaving it late.

Well done for standing up to this. Literally can’t believe she expected you to use your AL for her childcare!

Also, I reckon someone else has let her down and maybe you were 2nd (or lower) choice.

Which is why it's short notice for her...

You could be right. The other child is going elsewhere so shes panicking
But I still wouldn't do it.