Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

[FlyingHighandDry]

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

Maybe if they increase the baby’s nursery hours to 7:30am - 6:30pm, you could potentially make it work

it would be hard work though

but why should you take annual leave?

They sound mad! There are a couple of options- including asking grandparents or other family members, one of them not going or attending remotely, both going and taking the child and then doing parts of the event each (tag teaming), taking a childminder or grandparent with them to babysit, seeing if they can arrange childcare locally through a reputable agency. Again though not your problem if they haven’t considered doing any of this in good time!

What a cheeky response from her 🙈🙈🙈

The fact she's claimed it's short notice, I'm wondering if you've sat with this for a while, or she's a complete hypocrite? If she asked you weeks ago then you really should have backed out sooner. That said, she's got a bit of a cheek asking something that will impose on you so much. Do you even see the child much? Would they be happy staying with you?

I'm assuming there are no grandparents or siblings available to take this on?

It’s beyond outrageous to expect you to take AL

When did you initially agree? If it’s taken months to change your mind that is a bit tougher for her than if it was last week

I'm impressed by the chutzpah of trying to make it your problem to solve with "what do I do now?"

That's weapons-grade cheek. She must have the hide of a rhino to even try it.

What a CF! You said said you’d do it (caught on the hop) and then sent the message really quickly saying you have checked and with work etc you can’t do it. What does she expect you to do? Cancel going to work?

Your replies have been excellent @FlyingHighandDry and she a total CF for trying to guilt trip you with the ‘what am I supposed to do now?’ Umm…ask someone who the little one knows well and can be left with OR either you or your husband (aka a parent) don’t go on the trip. Would have thought that was obvious. 🤷‍♀️

Oh - I see she's a hun.

You'll be on her enemy list forever from now on.
But - these kind of trash CFs are no one's true friend anyway.

In fact - the trash took itself out.

Win win for you.

I ignore this CF - DO NOT GIVE IN!

Yes, classic - she's trying to make it your problem, as we knew she would. Thank goodness you didn't lie or give a grovelling apology!
Hold fast. Women like this are so entitled, they always think they'll get their own way.

Eh! NO.
That still potentially leaves the Op with a very upset and unsettled Baby for 4 days. If they are upset nursery could refuse to take them, especially if they make themselves sick crying or refuse to eat.

What's the Plan B? OP calling in sick?

OP please don't feel bad if she falls out with you over this - having a friend who is quite that much of a CF doesn't sound relaxing anyway. And you're 100% in the right.

A zillon other options. Leaving a toddler for 4 days is cruel.

Why you gunning for me?

I said nothing out of turn other than to highlight how using your own leave for someone elses kids while they fuck off on their jollies is nuts.

Your binary view of the world isnt applicable. Better you keep your opinions to yourself. Thanks!

She is so rude! Her child, her childcare issue. Not sure why she felt entitled to even ask in the first place but I’d be doing NO care for her going forward. I have an 18m old and there is no way I’d ever agree to watch someone else’s for that period of time and in a stay at home parent. Sorry but it’s not my responsibility and not something I’d ask anyone to do! Did this ‘friend’ offer to pay you?! Boundaries have got seriously messed up somewhere for her to even think this is an ok think to ask or an ok thing to respond to you when you said you couldn’t! I’d seriously be not keeping this friendship with someone so rude and weird tbh. And yes it is weird to act like it’s a favour for someone else to watch your toddler for days and nights on end wtf?!

She asked me on Sunday... so 3 days ago.

Result! Well done OP!

Excellent answer. What's shes supposed to do isnt your concern. Well handled. Hope she learns from this

Brilliant that you’ve stuck to your guns and as for short notice, hardly! She has weeks to sort it.

Perfect responses, well done! I hope you feel a sense of relief?

As the trip is in October she has plenty of time to sort this or not go on the bloody trip! Not OPs issue either way.

Nailed it.

Such a relief!!
I hadn't realised how heavily it had been weighing on me since she asked on sunday.
After reading the responses I realise she is just a CF!

She and DH need to say to work that only one of them will be available to go. It’s unreasonable to expect both parents of small children to attend a work event overseas.

This person has 6+ weeks to figure out her childcare issue, you’re hardly leaving her in the dark 3 days before their flight departs.

"really short notice" what an entitled cow.

She is not your friend. Friends do NOT ask people these enormous sorts of favours unless someone has died or something similar.