Page 11 | Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

FlyingHighandDry · 2025-08-13T17:03:16+00:00

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together) I really really don’t want to do this. She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing. I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6. They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare! Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them. Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this. I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

nomas · 14/08/2025 10:57

Netcurtainnelly · 14/08/2025 10:37

Nobody's ever asked me.
I might though especially if I liked the child and the mum and they helped me out if needed.

Show quote history

You've never had to do it so you don't know how hard it is. OP has already said it would eat into her own precious annual leave with her own children. It's not fair to put such a burden on someone, even the burden of having to say no to an unreasonable request.

Needspaceforlego · 14/08/2025 11:05

HowToTrainYourDragonfruit · 14/08/2025 10:48

Poor baby. Mine at 19 months would have been absolutely distraught with the 4 days their mother is proposing - even if OP wanted to take care of them, and knew them well and they'd had overnights with her before.

Horrible parenting.

That's what I can't get my head around. The LO is likely to cry lots and potentially not eat. I think it could be a absolutely horrific 4 days for the child and in turn the babysitter.

It would be a hard No from me.

Thats before you consider the annual leave side of things.

Sera1989 · 14/08/2025 11:06

Well what did she say back OP?? I’m very nosey and need to know!

pinkyredrose · 14/08/2025 11:10

Ballygowenwater · 14/08/2025 05:04

I see you’ve messaged and said you can’t do it, that’s fair enough and totally legitimate if you don’t want to.

however, all the other posters saying friend ‘isn’t really your friend’ ‘is a user’ ‘is a cheeky fucker’… I imagine you’re the same people baffled as to why you don’t have a village and wondering why people talk about raising kids taking a village but one not appearing when you had kids. This is how you build a village, to have a village you have to be in a village and it’s all give and take. I’ve happily done things like this for friends and in return they do the same, I have a village but it’s not luck, it’s hard work, and sometimes doing things that don’t suit you in order to help out someone else. This mindset of me féin and me féin only is why not many people have a village anymore.

In my experience people who bleat on about having a 'village' usually want other people to provide free childcare.

ThePinkPoster · 14/08/2025 11:14

I don’t think OP is coming back 😕

Trendyname · 14/08/2025 11:16

@HelplessSoul You have no idea how some of us were raised to be nice to others at our own expense, and then there are another set of people who are raised to be entitled or only think about themselves like OP’s friend who thinks op should take leave and skip work to look after her child which she is on a work trip.

SomeLikeitSnot · 14/08/2025 11:20

well done @FlyingHighandDry

ormiwtbte · 14/08/2025 11:25

People like that always try to "catch you on the hop". They know they are more likely to get you to agree if they do that than if they choose an approrpiate time to ask you when you have time to consider.
I've had to deal with this kind of thing a lot relating to some of my work and now I say to everyone (even if I pretty much know I'm going to say yes), "I'll need to check my schedule and I'll get back to you by the end of the day with an answer". Then I go away, breathe, look at the dates they requested, consider what is actually involved, make a decision and then get back to them.

Mrsbloggz · 14/08/2025 11:39

It's an ambush and if you ambush a polite person they will tend to default to being polite and agreeing with you.
Ambush a rude person and a much less pleasing response may be received 😳
However, a successful ambusher will normally have a good instinct for picking the right victim!

femfemlicious · 14/08/2025 11:46

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 13/08/2025 20:09

Yeah, I wouldn't play the annual leave card, or the oops diary clash thing. It's patently untrue for one thing - who 'just realises' they don't have enough holiday left! And it puts you in the wrong for lying.

For another it's a bit lame and confirms to bulldozer friend that you're too scared to stand up for yourself. Which will be duly noted. Especially when the new holiday year begins.

What's wrong with the real reason, that it's too much to ask and you don't want to do it? Doesn't matter that you didn't come up with that answer straightaway, you're not on a TV quiz. 'I've thought about it, and decided it's not something I'm happy to do. So no.' Job done.

If you can manage it, I wouldn't add 'Sorry' or 'Hope you get it sorted' to that simple statement either. Though that is an Advanced Rebuffal Self-Endorsement technique, to be sure. But it never hurts to be more ARSE!

I agree. It wrong to give the not enough leave answer that means you would be happy to use your leave and she may ask again another time. It's better to let her know you are not happy to use your leave for her childcare. Just shut it down!

femfemlicious · 14/08/2025 11:50

Ballygowenwater · 14/08/2025 05:04

I see you’ve messaged and said you can’t do it, that’s fair enough and totally legitimate if you don’t want to.

however, all the other posters saying friend ‘isn’t really your friend’ ‘is a user’ ‘is a cheeky fucker’… I imagine you’re the same people baffled as to why you don’t have a village and wondering why people talk about raising kids taking a village but one not appearing when you had kids. This is how you build a village, to have a village you have to be in a village and it’s all give and take. I’ve happily done things like this for friends and in return they do the same, I have a village but it’s not luck, it’s hard work, and sometimes doing things that don’t suit you in order to help out someone else. This mindset of me féin and me féin only is why not many people have a village anymore.

I think it's too much to ask for someone to take annual leave for. It would be different if she was a sahm, I'm sure OP would do it for the village then. Or of it was a life or death situation.

housethatbuiltme · 14/08/2025 12:02

Just say no.

God I felt bad asking my friend to sit with my toddler for an hour while I did an interview and they where literally at the cafe right outside the building.

I would not have been comfortable pissing off for 4 days and 3 nights leaving my child and its really not fair to ask that of a friend.

Original poster

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 12:15

Sorry for the slow response .... busy time in work!
She read the message straight away (whatsapp 2 blue ticks) but didn't reply until this morning.
Have copied and pasted below
"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

So I replied.
"It's really nice that you would trust me, however I can't do this. You caught me on the hop and I felt obliged to say yes, however now I've had time to think about it this is not something I can commit to. I hope you get something sorted."

She's read it. No reply!!

I don't doubt that it is a genuine work trip that both her and her DH have to go on - I know their industry and it's genuine.

Thank you for giving me the kick up the bum I needed to say no!

OP posts:

anon15830201174585920220384848320204738229 · 14/08/2025 12:15

Did they message back op?

FleurDeFleur · 14/08/2025 12:18

Well done for standing your ground and not giving in to the emotional blackmail.

VickyEadieofThigh · 14/08/2025 12:19

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 12:15

Sorry for the slow response .... busy time in work!
She read the message straight away (whatsapp 2 blue ticks) but didn't reply until this morning.
Have copied and pasted below
"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

So I replied.
"It's really nice that you would trust me, however I can't do this. You caught me on the hop and I felt obliged to say yes, however now I've had time to think about it this is not something I can commit to. I hope you get something sorted."

She's read it. No reply!!

I don't doubt that it is a genuine work trip that both her and her DH have to go on - I know their industry and it's genuine.

Thank you for giving me the kick up the bum I needed to say no!

"What am I supposed to do now?" Sort out childcare for your own child and not try to manipulate a friend into using their own leave to do it for you, that's what!

Mrsbloggz · 14/08/2025 12:19

More front than Woolworths, as they say.
Your best option is to be polite but firm😇
(I would have ripped her a new arsehole several times over)

Member984815 · 14/08/2025 12:19

pinkyredrose · 14/08/2025 11:10

In my experience people who bleat on about having a 'village' usually want other people to provide free childcare.

Show quote history

Absolutely and they never return the favour.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/08/2025 12:20

When did she ask you? I’m just wondering, as if it’s quite recently then it’s not really any shorter notice. She’s still got until October.

This is atrociously worded but hopefully people understand.

RiotAndAlarum · 14/08/2025 12:20

FlyingHighandDry · 14/08/2025 12:15

Sorry for the slow response .... busy time in work!
She read the message straight away (whatsapp 2 blue ticks) but didn't reply until this morning.
Have copied and pasted below
"Oh no hun, what am I supposed to do now? It's really short notice for me to find someone else. DC is really no trouble at all. You'd really be helping us out. Please!!"

So I replied.
"It's really nice that you would trust me, however I can't do this. You caught me on the hop and I felt obliged to say yes, however now I've had time to think about it this is not something I can commit to. I hope you get something sorted."

She's read it. No reply!!

I don't doubt that it is a genuine work trip that both her and her DH have to go on - I know their industry and it's genuine.

Thank you for giving me the kick up the bum I needed to say no!

Blimey, if it's "short notice", that's not your fault (it's hers)!

As for "DC is really no trouble at all" it bloody is a problem if you would have to take time off work to do this favour, and if your "no" was short notice for her, a four-day massive disruption is even more short notice for YOU!

Intrigued20 · 14/08/2025 12:21

Wow. You did the right thing there. Cheeky woman. Eyes wide open now.

MummyJ36 · 14/08/2025 12:22

I just knew she’d try and guilt trip you! Well done for standing your ground, it was an insanely cheeky ask. Do not feel any guilt. This is a very young child and their needs will be very intense, she knew she was asking something super cheeky and is not disappointed she hasn’t gotten away with it!

WaltzingWaters · 14/08/2025 12:22

Blimey she’s the ultimate of CF isn’t she?! I wouldn’t be asking that of a friend unless I was literally desperate due to like life saving surgery or something like that!

Not that you need to, it’s such a cheeky ask of her, but I’d reiterate that I couldn’t take the AL too. To ask someone to use their AL to look after their child is just insane!

legolegoeverywhereandnotadroptodrink · 14/08/2025 12:23

“What am i supposed to do now”

not go on the trip?

fucking cheek

Mrsbloggz · 14/08/2025 12:24

How about
'I can see that your lack of planning & organisation in combination with your general inability to think things through is causing you problems'
And then send her a link to some advice on how to organize your life etc.