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Original poster

Friend wants me to look after her DC for 4 days

1000 replies

FlyingHighandDry · 13/08/2025 18:03

A friend has asked me to look after their 19 month old DS for 4 days / 3 nights in October while they go to a work event abroad (her and her DH work together)

I really really don’t want to do this.
She caught me on the hop asking me and I just stumbled over my words and ended up agreeing.
I will have to take time off from my job eating into my precious annual leave as even though the DC will be in nursery, they are only in 10-4 and my day including commute is 8-6.

They’ve made out like they’re doing me a favour by telling me I won’t need to have their elder DC as well as they have sorted that childcare!

Friend has a way of bulldozing people into doing things for them.
Please help me formulate something to say to back out of this.
I am a people pleaser and know I need to grow a pair….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
28
MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 14/08/2025 08:33

TheaBrandt1 · 14/08/2025 07:01

Picturing Bally dumping her kids at her neighbours for the day then scooting off trilling “it takes a village” 😀

😂

Mulledjuice · 14/08/2025 08:34

SoScarletItWas · 13/08/2025 18:06

Text her right now and say
’Sorry, I won’t be able to do this. While I was happy to agree in principle when you mentioned it yesterday, I’ve just checked and I don’t have enough holiday left, so I can’t do the drop offs involved. I wanted to give you plenty of notice so you can make other arrangements but I won’t be able to have DC while you’re away at all.’

Don't say "happy in principle" unless you are - certainly not to a CF like this!

MooDengOfThailand · 14/08/2025 08:36

That's very cheeky of her.

Don't back down from your text.

Ballygowenwater · 14/08/2025 08:37

Needspaceforlego · 14/08/2025 08:32

Op has said using annual leave would eat in to her time.

There's a huge difference between having people to lean on for babysitting and taking the piss. This is across the line.

If this was a single mum needing to go into hospital for 3/4 days for an operation or something it would be horrible but I'd think very differently about the situation.

But it two parents dumping both their kids so they can go off 'on business' really they should pay a nanny to go with them and take the kids. Or just one of them attend the business meeting.

Edited
Show quote history

She has said this to us. Until her follow up text she had not said this to her friend

PurpleFairyLights · 14/08/2025 08:46

TrustedTheWrongFart · 13/08/2025 18:05

Sorry, I checked with work and I can’t take any A/L at that time so won’t be able to look after your sprig.

This

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 14/08/2025 08:47

Ponderingwindow · 13/08/2025 18:05

Call them right now and say you didn’t realize you would have to take annual leave to provide child care and that just isn’t possible.

This.

FleurDeFleur · 14/08/2025 08:54

For those who don't know, OP has already responded.

Rpop · 14/08/2025 09:08

It’s tricky when there’s an imbalance in expectations. I would help a friend going into hospital, with childcare, but I would not, not, not look after a toddler for 4 days so both parents could go on a business trip. And I would never ever ask this favour of anyone. Unless the parents are both prime ministers, I’m sure they can put some flexibility into their own situation and take their own pain.

PurpleThistle7 · 14/08/2025 09:37

What a terrible friend! I can't even imagine having this conversation, or agreeing to it if someone else did. I'm glad you contacted her - well done!

Catwalking · 14/08/2025 09:37

No offence implied here, but I wouldn’t dream of asking demanding an acquaintance to look after 1 of my tiny children, in the 1st place! Especially for that length of time.

chattychatchatty · 14/08/2025 09:41

Let us know what this ‘friend’ says; what an absolute cheek. Glad you have extricated yourself. Just say your work won’t let you have the time off then if you really don’t want to tell her she’s being completely unreasonable by even asking you!

Caroparo52 · 14/08/2025 09:42

DF.
Sorry but you took me by surprise with your childcare request. Now I've consulted my diary and looked at the implications it will not be possible. I hope you find a taking the absolute piss alternative.

Cherrysoup · 14/08/2025 09:55

FlyingHighandDry · 13/08/2025 19:55

Thank you all.
I have sent @AbitmoreBert ‘s message

Hi X, really sorry you caught me on the hop earlier.
Having now looked at my diary and my work schedule I’m afraid it’s not going to be possible for me to have Y whilst you are away.

Well done! Just stick to it when she harasses you and asks why.

Needspaceforlego · 14/08/2025 10:19

Rpop · 14/08/2025 09:08

It’s tricky when there’s an imbalance in expectations. I would help a friend going into hospital, with childcare, but I would not, not, not look after a toddler for 4 days so both parents could go on a business trip. And I would never ever ask this favour of anyone. Unless the parents are both prime ministers, I’m sure they can put some flexibility into their own situation and take their own pain.

Exactly if they were both Prime Ministers I'd expect them to have a nanny. And actually if the business was doing that well I'd also expect them to have a nanny.

4 days with a toddler could be absolutely horrendous.

I babysat two strange toddlers (1 & 2) so their Mum could go her mums funeral. I knew Mum but not the toddlers.

One was okish the other cried and cried until she fell asleep it was horrible I can't imagine that going on for days and days.
Its 25 years and I'd do it again in similar circumstances but a few hours was more than long enough!

SecretNameAsImShy · 14/08/2025 10:22

TrustedTheWrongFart · 13/08/2025 18:05

Sorry, I checked with work and I can’t take any A/L at that time so won’t be able to look after your sprig.

This 👆100%

FluffyWabbit · 14/08/2025 10:23

Sorry, can't. Catch up for lunch, soon!

samplesalequeen · 14/08/2025 10:23

Hatty65 · 13/08/2025 18:06

"Hi Sarah. You really caught me on the hop earlier, but having had time to think it over sensibly and rationally, I'm afraid the answer is No. Asking me to have little Sebastian for 4 days is just far too much responsibility at his age. In addition, I am working and would therefore have to take annual leave for this, so it simply won't be possible. Hope you find someone".

I’ve only reached this point in the thread but I hope to god OP that you’ve sent this 👆🏻 message

notevencharging · 14/08/2025 10:24

glad you’ve sent her a message - have you had a response?

Netcurtainnelly · 14/08/2025 10:32

Does she do things for you you haven't said, is she a good friend?

If so I would do it. Friends that help each other out and support each other are hard to find.

nomas · 14/08/2025 10:35

Netcurtainnelly · 14/08/2025 10:32

Does she do things for you you haven't said, is she a good friend?

If so I would do it. Friends that help each other out and support each other are hard to find.

Even if she’s a good friend who sends OP presents and cards it doesn’t justify OP having to take 4 days of precious annual leave to take care of her child.

When’s the last time you took 4 days off work to take care of a friend’s child?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 10:36

Hatty65 · 13/08/2025 18:06

"Hi Sarah. You really caught me on the hop earlier, but having had time to think it over sensibly and rationally, I'm afraid the answer is No. Asking me to have little Sebastian for 4 days is just far too much responsibility at his age. In addition, I am working and would therefore have to take annual leave for this, so it simply won't be possible. Hope you find someone".

I would send something like this. Tell her straight away so there is no misunderstanding or room for her to say she relied on it.

I would definitely emphasise that you were caught on the hop, which is why you agreed, and not just use the annual leave reasoning because she’ll try to find some way around it. I would say I wasn’t comfortable having a child of that age overnight at all.

No wonder she’s only been able to sort the older child elsewhere - that’s the much easier task!

Netcurtainnelly · 14/08/2025 10:37

nomas · 14/08/2025 10:35

Even if she’s a good friend who sends OP presents and cards it doesn’t justify OP having to take 4 days of precious annual leave to take care of her child.

When’s the last time you took 4 days off work to take care of a friend’s child?

Show quote history

Nobody's ever asked me.
I might though especially if I liked the child and the mum and they helped me out if needed.

Yachties · 14/08/2025 10:40

As others have said, say you applied for leave and you can’t get it. Tell them now to give them time to arrange an alternative

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/08/2025 10:40

Mulledjuice · 14/08/2025 08:34

Don't say "happy in principle" unless you are - certainly not to a CF like this!

Show quote history

Agreed - they will find a way around something like that.

”Oh well maybe I can find someone to have them for a little bit after nursery for you so you just have them for dinner and overnight, if that helps you”

(as in, she will phrase it as though she’s doing the OP a favour in some way!)

When of course it’s the overnights that are absolutely not on!

HowToTrainYourDragonfruit · 14/08/2025 10:48

Poor baby. Mine at 19 months would have been absolutely distraught with the 4 days their mother is proposing - even if OP wanted to take care of them, and knew them well and they'd had overnights with her before.

Horrible parenting.

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