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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS massively overreacted calling the police?

243 replies

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 13:04

Yesterday afternoon DS (17) asked if he could borrow DH’s car to nip to the shops. He doesn’t drive, has no licence, and isn’t insured so DH obviously said no. Cue DS stomping about, muttering under his breath, slamming cupboard doors.

DH told him to pack it in and when he started swearing, took his phone off him and said he’d get it back later when he calmed down.

Next thing, DS has locked himself in his room. I assumed he was just sulking but turns out he was on his laptop calling the police. Ten minutes later there’s a knock at the door and two officers are stood there saying they’ve had a call from “a vulnerable young person” saying he was being held against his will.

They came in, had a chat with DS, realised it was a daft family row, and told him wasting police time is serious. They left soon after but now DS is acting like he’s somehow in the right and DH is fuming.

I’m embarrassed the neighbours probably saw and think we’re some sort of nightmare family. AIBU to think DS completely overreacted or should I be worried he felt this was the right course of action?

OP posts:
Corgi2023 · 13/08/2025 16:38

My brother called the police when my mum wouldn't let him have a tamagocci when he was 8. This is the same level of immaturity for your son.

CautiousLurker01 · 13/08/2025 16:40

PestoHoliday · 13/08/2025 16:27

One to save for the wedding speeches - "I'm not saying you're melodramatic, but we all remember the time you told the police you were being held captive because Dave took your phone off you..."

He's been a colossal asshat. Let's hope whatever caused this nonsense blows over quickly. Nobody needs such ridiculousness, certainly not in this heat.

Indeed. I know @YellowBall72 says there is no back story, but something was going on with her DS that she may not be aware of [yet]. Might be SM or it may be an issue with peers connected with college. I’d encourage a supportive chat to drill down into exactly what trigger the initial demand for access to the car.

EwwSprouts · 13/08/2025 16:43

He's a total idiot and it seems the start of a victim mentality. I would want to stop that right now. To take a constructive turn, why not suggest he starts learning for his driving theory test now and books it (it's quite cheap) and he gets a part-time job to save for lessons for the practical test? You can have to 2 years between the 2 tests.

jellyfish2121 · 13/08/2025 16:43

Does he have friends who drive uninsured & without a licence?

ZorbaTheHoarder · 13/08/2025 16:47

OP, I think you need to have another talk with him to try to find out why on earth he thought he would be ok driving a car without a license/insurance. Has he even had any lessons?

I would be concerned that he is not thinking straight for some reason or another and I would want to get to the bottom of it. This is not normal teenage behaviour at all.

Wishing you all the best.

InterestedDad37 · 13/08/2025 16:50

In my head, I have invented a new TV prog based on this... Police give him a ticking off and a clip round the ear, but take him to the police station and show him around, where he is inspired to join the police, and becomes a sergeant. 😀

Dippythedino · 13/08/2025 16:50

Did you tell the police that your ds wanted to drive without a license?

Rayqueen · 13/08/2025 16:50

I seriously hope your backing your DH your teen needs a good talking to but saying that bad behaviour doesn't just happen in one day so maybe a firm hand hasn't ever been used and now it is the teen is reacting in a very very wrong way

DinaofCloud9 · 13/08/2025 16:53

Your son should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

Fenellasbum · 13/08/2025 16:55

Something is quite wrong here. Both of mine at 17 would have been terrified to drive alone without insurance or a licence. They were nervous enough driving alone even having got their licences! What is going on that makes your ds think that taking the car would be even partially rational? And then calling to the police and lying about being held against his will? He has some serious issues - something really weird is going on as both those actions are unhinged for a “normal” 17yo. I would try to find out what is really going on.

LadySuzanne · 13/08/2025 16:56

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 13/08/2025 13:22

Must we always end up with “mental health”? It’s become a buzz word used to justify all kinds of shit behaviour, nobody can challenge any more because it must be “mental health reasons.”

Far more likely the little shit has been watching too much TikTok where these kids all “know their rights” and are telling each other to “call the police” and tell them x and y.

I mean you only have to look at MN to see how many posters advise each other to “call the police” for the most trivial shit.

We need to stop pandering to this constant “mental health” excuse. While there’s no doubt that there are some people who have genuine MH problems, the term is now used as a get-out of any kind of situation.

We need to start calling behaviour out for what it is. And frankly if my 17 year old made that kind of accusation against me, not only would I be hoping he’d be charge with wasting police time, but I’d be telling him that if he felt he was being held here against his will he could move the fuck out.

He’s seventeen..

He’s old enough to drive, to have sex, to get married. He’s old enough and should be held responsible for his fucking awful behaviour.

I agree with most of what you have written above but in England and Wales, the legal age for marriage is now 18 years old.

BotterMon · 13/08/2025 16:57

What a twonk your DS is. Hope he sees sense very soon and realises how out of order he was.
He sounds incredibly immature for his age.

EvelynBeatrice · 13/08/2025 16:58

Google ‘Ally McCoist and stepson and car” and get him to read the press articles. This might bring home to him -even if the police didn’t - the implications of driving the car.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/08/2025 16:58

What a shame they didn’t cuff him, cart him off to the nick and put him in a cell overnight, to teach him not to waste police time ever again.

EvelynBeatrice · 13/08/2025 16:59

If he’s acting very out of character, could he be taking drugs or is there something else going on in or out of school/ college? Seems very strange behaviour.

RhododendronFlowers · 13/08/2025 17:00

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/08/2025 16:58

What a shame they didn’t cuff him, cart him off to the nick and put him in a cell overnight, to teach him not to waste police time ever again.

Yes, that would have been a good result!

Ally886 · 13/08/2025 17:01

This is the outcome of the demise of the dry slap.

He's not a child anymore and should be treated as an adult. He broke the law and the least of his worries should be his phone taken off him

D23456789 · 13/08/2025 17:05

YellowBall72 · 13/08/2025 15:13

Yes, I told the police exactly what happened - that it all started because he wanted to take the car when he has no licence, no insurance, and can’t drive. They told him straight it was illegal and dangerous, but he just sort of rolled his eyes.

I was in the kitchen when he first asked DH and heard most of it. DH stayed fairly calm at first but when DS started getting cheeky and swearing, that’s when the phone got taken away. It wasn’t some big aggressive scene, more of a “you’ve lost this for now” moment.

It’s completely out of character for him to do something like this. He’s been a pain in the backside over the summer - sleeping in, moaning when asked to do anything, but I thought that was standard teenage stuff. We’ve never had to keep the car keys hidden before, but clearly that’s changed.

And for the record, I do pay his phone bill. I think he was trying to make a point about “being treated like a child” but ended up making himself look ridiculous. I’ve told him this isn’t just “teenage overreacting” - wasting police time is serious.

If its out of character, I'd be keeping an eye on him and maintain communication with him. It may be ordinary teenage stuff but there may also be other things going on his life that he hasn't told you yet.

Frogs88 · 13/08/2025 17:06

HerecomesMargo · 13/08/2025 16:15

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I’m sick of this being the first thing peddled out. No wonder people are so vile today because there is every excuse made for them.

this was a petulant brat who didn’t get his way. I wouldn’t be sitting and dithering about mental health, I would be thinking of severe consequences for this.

MH 🙄, no doubt caused by Covid and let’s throw in Anxiety too. Has anyone suggested he might have SN too?

Show quote history

Well surely if he was just generally entitled or extremely stupid then this sort of behaviour would not be unusual to OP. His behaviour was bizarre and not something normal teens do. It seems disconnected from reality for him to think it’s acceptable. So that’s probably why people are suggesting a MH problem as they often start in teen years.

AgnesX · 13/08/2025 17:06

Given that there doesn't appear to be any backstory did he do it for a bet?

He sounds incredibly stupid tbh.

kim204 · 13/08/2025 17:08

It sounds like this was not normal behaviour OP so I'd be concerned about what's behind it.

Do you think he was really so desperate to go to the shops? What did he say he wanted to get? Do you think he might have actually have been planning to go somewhere else?

Everyone here is about punish, punish, punish. It's ridiculous, even taking his phone away is treating him like a child. It's just all very odd to me. Would your husband take your phone away to control you? DS is practically an adult. Punishing him like an 8 year old is really problematic to me. This needs discussing. Why is he so upset that he can't go to the shop?

My concern would be that he wasn't really so desperate to go to the shop and there's more to it. If not then surely this could easily have been deescalated? Couldn't someone have just taken him a bit later if not right then? I really don't understand how this spiralled to this extent.

TimeForATerf · 13/08/2025 17:11

I haven’t read every reply so it may have been mentioned up thread, but the first question in my head is, he’s 17, with no licence (provisional or otherwise?) how the fuck does he know how to drive?

Does he live on a farm and he’s been driving tractors and quads on private land, in which case, fair.

Has he been taken off roading for a few years previously, also fair.

Or does he move in some really dodgy circles and drives round car parks late at night with older people?

I am genuinely bemused. Did the OP mean no FULL licence, but she said he “doesn’t drive”.

Umbilicat · 13/08/2025 17:12

Would your husband take your phone away to control you? DS is practically an adult.

Yeah, but he's NOT an adult and I highly doubt that a) OP would get angry with her dh when he told her that no, he'd not allow her to break the law and endanger lives and b) OP's dh pays her phone bills.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/08/2025 17:25

What did your ds want the car for, yes I know for the shops but what was he going to the shops for?

I’m sorry OP but this has red flags all over it, the immaturity is off the scale as is his critical thinking rational.

itsgettingweird · 13/08/2025 17:25

Having thought some more I’m wondering if he has got himself into some trouble. He needed the car to run an errand and he’s being contacted via his phone?

You need to get to the bottom of this as it’s totally bizarre behaviour and of course it’s not ok.